100 Failures? 100 Wins.

I have tried to leave him one hundred times,
I have failed one hundred times.
And the only reason behind my wanting to
Sneakily dissapear into the abyss
Is not from lack of love, lack of care
Or any lack of emotional contact
To his beating heart.
It’s the fright that one day, some day
He will leave me instead.

Each bicker, each quarrel
Is had about a fear or two-
I start it off with “I’m leaving!”
And end it with “I’m not.”

I have tried to leave him one hundred times,
I have failed one hundred times.

I am the happiest I’ve ever been.
When he kisses me, it’s euphoria;
When he holds me, I feel “Safe”,
Such a damn cliche, but it feels damn right to
Say.
And the little things.
Like the way he walked through JcPenny’s
Helping me profusely find a pair of shorts that would
Fit me right, and didn’t mind how long I took
In the fitting room.
Or the way
We took our cheap, free cups
And put them by our mouths and yelled like there was
No tomorrow, making
Ridiculous noises and attracting attention to
Ourselves in the middle of an escalator, in the middle of a
Mall, and all we could do was crack up.
Or the way
He puts his hand on my arm
And moves it up and down
When he sees my face fall
In some saddened way.
Or the way
He surprised me at a yard sale,
His dumb yellow converse hitting the ground with his
Half- broken scooter,
That crooked smirk on his face when he saw me,
Shocked.

Or even the way we learn so much more about each other
With each little argument
Ending in an apology,
Him kissing my hand, a painful look in his eyes.
It’s normal, it’s okay I say.
And it is.

I have tried to leave him one hundred times,
I have failed one hundred times.

I truly do mean to stay.

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Comments

  • MsJSinIN
    MsJSinINover 3 years ago

    Your getting very in tune with your emotions and reactions. You are growing a lot, it shows in this piece. I’m so happy for you!

  • thanks, mom ♥ =)

    – StaticLiving

  • SimplyRed
    SimplyRedover 3 years ago

    :

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