I saw life once again today. I thought I walked alone like I had done only a little while ago. I heard the sound of my heart pounding restlessly against the outer wall of my chest calling desperately for something, anything that would end the misery. And again pain knocked three times and then again so many times I had no choice but to let it in or it was bound to drive me crazy. I walked around it sheepishly as though I had never met it before. But many times I had met it and each time it was in some other form. It’s many faces confuse me and I no longer trust any of it’s holders. Who blames me?
I can’t ask death to visit because he is there inside me, silently waiting. I only call him in dire need but sometimes he’s there uninvited. It just does not seem fair that I should have to fight him on my own all the time. Yet, I win most or all, but one day I fear sooner than later he’ll be here to stay. And if he wins he’ll smile in a long hard fought defeat.
I saw him once again tonight, still waiting in the distance but he came a little too soon and I saw through his phony disguise. I waited back in the shadows because I knew it wasn’t my time and as I saw him go again, I laughed and cried. I knew he was gone but he would probably be back, maybe stronger, maybe weaker. But for now life is still here, waiting, hoping for a better day.