Is this a Movie or Infomercial?
This is an “example” essay for English class written by Judy Livingston.
Quick review of the munchies.
Popcorn? Check.
Hershey chocolate bar and Jiffy peanut butter? Check.
Soda to drink…check. Oh wait, that needs to be diet soda to balance out the calories…double check.
All set to watch “House on the Island.” My daughter was at a friend’s house and I had sole ownership of the remote control. She likes to surf the channels, and as I don’t watch much TV anyway because… well, let the story unfold.
Watching this movie was not a planned event. However, it happily coincided with her being gone for a few hours and me having no plans for the evening. The snacks are on hand for the inevitable munchie-urge.
The first twenty minutes is relatively commercial free. At least the first 10-15 minutes are uninterrupted. This movie began with an elderly man approaching a house. The house is apparently a part of his past. A door mysteriously opens by itself and he sighs resignedly. He quietly says to no one in particular, “Let’s get this over with…”
He enters the double door entry of the house walking on a polished wooden floor. He says loudly, “Where are you?! Come out! Let’s settle this now!” He walks through the dining area, the living room and around the white cloth covered furniture. He stops with the camera on his back. He turns his head to the left, then right. A loud crash comes from behind him! He wheels around and the viewers have a full view of his face as he screams in horror!
At this point, I wanted to know why he died; how he died and who/what killed him. I had to see this movie!
(I didn’t really HAVE TO have to…but humor me.)
His estranged son (let’s name him Tom) and son’s wife (Ann sounds good) came to the funeral. Tom cries at the funeral over the said and unsaid between him and his father. Ann listens and comforts him in a loving way. Both of them are likable characters.
Ann is an artist and loves the island setting. She’s going through a dry spell in her painting and the location is inspirational to her. After the funeral, she mentions she’d love to paint here. Tom asks her not to as painful memories and father’s death is too overwhelming to consider staying longer than necessary.
Ann doesn’t want Tom to sell his now inherited house right away. He doesn’t want anything to do with it, but she manages to persuade him not to sell for at least a…
Here they come. The commercials.
“Do you have a rectal itch or hemorrhoid problem? Preparation H is the answer! Not only that, if you are always on the go, Preparation H has medicated and portable wipes that can inconspicuously be carried with you.”
If that doesn’t solve a dilemma, no need to worry. The commercial breaks will cover just about any problem you’ve had, will have, and have never even heard of.
Now that the Preparation H commercial is over, here’s a pregnancy test. And, oh look, they demonstrate how this is the best test, (and I quote) “you’ve ever peed on!”
At this point I really have no need for the diet soda or anything else to drink.
Oh wait…there’s more. Momma Bear is chasing Baby Bear because the tree trunk didn’t quite get the job done. Not to fret, though, she has a roll of Charmin’ to take care of that problem.
Scratch the Hershey bar and the peanut butter as an extra. Forget the popcorn, too.
Oh, this commercial break is not over yet…several more to go.
For example, one bombardment of commercials are: Cortizone10, Kellogg’s cereal as healthy eating for weight loss, cure for yeast infections, hygienic products for the monthly menstrual cycle followed by solutions for cramps and bloating, facial cleansers to prevent blemishes, HOM’s sales on leather products…
Pause: What movie am I watching? Did you have to look back at the introduction? Sadly, I did. Back to the ads…
…a product for men whose sexual performances are not up (pun intended) to par, vitamins for active seniors, another HOM’s current sale on dining furniture, vitamins for children, body’s daily need for fiber, actress Sally Field’s battle with osteoporosis and medicine she’s taking… STOP!!
A transformation takes place during the last half hour of the movie. Commercials now have center stage and sometimes are gracious enough to allow quick glimpses of Tom and Ann. My attitude is becoming like the father’s, “Let’s get this over with.”
The movie ends in a 30 second sound bite. Movie view is reduced to half the screen with credits rolling underneath and accompanied with an advertisement of next program in the lower left hand corner. After enduring the manic jabber of the commercials, I don’t care what the ending was; just relieved there IS an end.
Next time an interesting preview shows on TV, I won’t know anything about it. I’ll be reading a book, or exercising, or meditating, or plotting against telemarketers… anything other than watching TV.
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