The invisible force

The embrace is cold, and the lower half of her body held so far away from mine a runnaway pram could scuttle through unoticed. Her eyes are black with sorrow and her soul holds no strength to warm anyone, not even me, her beloved sister. She has given too much already, lost too much and I can tell she wants to fall, right here on the grave, and never ever get up again. A soft tear of mine flows inside her ear as I whisper the words our Mother always said ‘Never give up’. But our mother succumbed to the fingers of death held out in an illusion of peace and rest, glistening diamonds like stars on each knuckle, beckoning a better place. My father went too, I wonder what they showed him to get him there, a Harley Davidson and him a young James Dean.

My sister’s husband now entombed. A gentleman, blighted with Parkinsons, at a way too early age, she had nursed him for 15 years til finally he said, no more my dear, make a life for yourself and take another man. Eventually she did, and with her two children and David, ironically the same name as her first, they shared a love which is rare and nursed him together through the worst. His children loved him still and always will. I loved him too in my own way, there was something very special about Dave, everyone did. And one day he declared with dignity, I have had enough, and held his arms aloft for death to take him too, flying his aeroplane in the RAF, gliding and circling above the triumphant crowd, full of life and health and love and that gorgeous smile.

And as more missiles hit my sister than is appropriate, I don’t know how she stands, there is pain loaded onto her and has been since she was 10. A fragile skinny blonde, with eyes the size of atmospheres, bluer than blue, and a sense of delight to enable her to hover above the surrounding gloom. She has given so much to so many, always and all her life. Gifted with iron girders for bones and liquid platinum for blood. An amazing sister, a mother and a wife, a daughter so sensitive she would have given her life instead of them. I seek to hold her up, but in reality I am not there, I am in Australia and she in the Isle of Man. 13 months apart we grew up entwined at every turn. Our little hands at 4 and 5 held onto one another and walked for miles and miles avoiding rubber bullets in the so called ‘Troubles’. I carry her heart in mine and know without question she has a light inside that shines stronger than the sun. If there are such things as Earth Angels, then surely she is one.

Soaps 24.08.10

Sad things happen to so many people, and my family is no exception. I have an incredibly kind and brilliant brother and 3 wonderful sisters. One in particular has taught us all a lesson, although we did not always want to see it…………………


  • AmberLily
    AmberLilyover 4 years ago

    Beautiful write Soaps, beautiful share. Thank you. xx

  • Thank you my dear, that is so nice, I wonder if it is too heavy for some, but these things just come out when they do. I wrote it for my sister and she cried. I just wanted her to know she is loved through all of this x

    – Soaps

  • oscarelizondo
    oscarelizondoover 4 years ago

    You speak from the heart, thank you for sharing, lovely time reading it.

  • Thank you Oscar, I know you too have been having such a hard time since your wife died and you are coping amazingly well. It is so hard to keep losing loved ones and not understand what we are supposed to do……….. I think they give us an invisible hand to get through xx

    – Soaps

  • fireheart
    fireheartover 4 years ago

    Well done my Soapy friend.

  • Thank you FH. I am glad you stopped by xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    – Soaps

  • Cosimo Piro
    Cosimo Piroover 4 years ago

    sadness and beauty, Soaps. A lovely share. xoxo

  • Thank you Cosimo. As I said, sometimes I wonder if this stuff is too personal, but I think RB is a forum to share, we all go through losses and find ourselves sometimes unable to get up, but we do, and by sharing I hope we help other get through knowing that they are not alone either. Death is something we all go through. Thank you xxxxxxxxx

    – Soaps

  • katcollins
    katcollinsover 4 years ago

    Done so well!

  • Thank you very much. Your words are appreciated very much indeed. I know you have had your fair share of emotional roller coasters too and this is why I thank you x

    – Soaps

  • Arcadia Tempest
    Arcadia Tempestover 4 years ago

    Ohhh sigh Lux
    to not be there to hold in her hand must of weighed so heavy on your heart.
    I have a sister that I am proud to claim as my own, it she were not gifted to me in blood I would be seeking her out, this I know for sure.
    Your love and admiration of her fragile strength touches me deeply…. her eyes as big as atmospheres….what a beautiful description of her deeper core to see life and live it.

  • She is a beautiful girl, she makes me laugh when we skype cos all I can see is two big giant blue eyes. She is a special soul, so fragile on the outside a skinny little bandy blonde, now a beautiful woman. She has dodged more than her fair share of crap and still has a smile a hand and a kind word for those who she feels are worse off. She always takes the trouble to send me the most magnificent presents for birthdays and Christmas, sometimes the cost of the post more than the gift itself. But the gift is always just perfect, she blows me away with that, all her shit and she still does that for me. The last one, four beautiful little journals that I take everywhere and make notes and a cup inscribed inside at the bottom that reads ’ In a galaxy far away, I sang about your lovely soul’ – what a woman, what a sister. You are so right Karen, so deep and clever, I would seek her out too if she were not already mine. Thank you for your kind and thoughtful words, as always so divine xxxxxxxxx

    – Soaps

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