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TV Wooing

I’m like Flipper on the land

Or Skippy in the sea

Full of good intentions

But as useless as can be

I’m not strong like the Incredible Hulk

Or ingenious like MacGyver

I many never earn a million bucks

Like the winner of Survivor

Unlike the folk from Baywatch

I don’t strut beside the ocean

‘cos no one wants to see fat rolls

Jiggle in slow motion

I don’t have Astroboy’s rocket shoes

Or Monkey Magic’s mystic powers

I’m often quite confused

Like Manuel from Fawlty Towers

I’m not smart like Brainy Smurf

Or Brains from the Thunderbirds

When talk turns intellectual

I’m often lost for words

I’m more like Richie Cunningham

Than Fonzi on a scale of cool

But if I didn’t ask you out

Mr T would pity this fool

Because I think you’re tops like Top Cat

And hot like Betty Rubble

Just like Punky Brewster

You’ve got a nose for trouble

Like Josie from the Pussycats

You’re a foxy foxy lady

And as far as I know you don’t have AIDS

Like the guy who played Mike Brady

You’re so enthusiastic

Like the Asian chick from Hi 5

And when you treat me like a 4 year old

it make me feels alive

You have the sweet charm of Mary-Anne

Mixed with the glamour of Ginger

You’re unusual like a flying nun

Or a turtle who’s a ninja

Like the casting agent of Bewitched

You could trade one Dick for another

So why don’t you drop that loser

And come and be my lover?

TV Wooing


Newtown, Australia

  • Artist
  • Comments 2

Artist's Description

A wooing poem that proved sadly inneffective.

Artwork Comments

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