For those who don’t know by now, my ‘day job’ is as a Travel Agent’
However, what people seem to think I am is a Therapist, Magician, Physicist, Janitor and all around target of vituperative abuse.
In Canada at least, this is the busiest season for the travel industry – everyone is trying to book trips for March Break, Spring Break, Easter, Europe Summer etcetc. March break, when all the public schools are on holiday is the busiest, and most expensive time of the year to go on holiday – people book up to 8 months in advance to find space, and the prices are ridiculous.
Nothing gets on my tits more than people who waltz in to my office expecting that I’m able to pull off a miracle for them, because they have left their arrangements to the last minute. Sorry folks, I cannot make space on aircraft appear out of thin air, and I cannot magically make the prices drop down because you want me to.
If you have 5 star dreams and a 2 star budget, this is not the time to be coming to me. Sitting across from me, glaring, and chewing your gum in a manner that would make a cow say “excuse me, would you mind shutting your mouth” is not, somehow, going to produce the results you want.
Yelling at me and telling me you will take your business elsewhere because I can’t find space for you and your litter of children for less than the price of a MacDonalds Happy Meal, does not, funnily enough, make me so upset that I will prostrate myself at your feet in order to be given a second chance.
If you come and sit down in front of me and tell me you want to go anywhere in the world, at any time because you’re ‘flexible’ as long as it’s the cheapest rate possible, then you will leave me no other choice but to hasten your departure from this planet and free up some much needed oxygen.
Goodgoddamn….and people wonder where I get my murderous ideas from.
Usually most of the ideas for torture and mutilation are percolating in my brain while I sit through yet another " oh I can go anywhere anytime as long as it’s cheap except for here-here-here-here-here-here*eliminating every destination except one* here and here… but I don’t want to go here the one destination that wasn’t eliminated…. and I can only go between 6:45am on the 1st until 6:46am on the first… but you know, I’m totally flexible, as long as it’s cheap…"
My favourite though has to be when someone is sitting at my desk, after having introduced myself, chatted with them for an aeon or two and had them use my name for a creepily inordinate number of times, then gets up to leave, takes MY business card from MY desk.. you know, the one I’m sitting at, and asks me “Is this your card?”
one day… one day I am going to say something along the lines of “Yes and no, I’m schizophrenic and this is how I keep track of which personality is in charge at the moment.”