It was a sunny Sunday sometime in August 2004 I was preparing to go to my son’s in Suffolk on the Monday morning and whenever I went to my son’s I would visit the cemetery to pay my respects to my late wife and just to tell her I was going to see our son who I don’t see so often since his move. I went out on Sunday and spent some time with friends and on my way home I thought it’s only 8.00pm and still light and warm so I thought I’ll go to the cemetery instead of tomorrow as that would make it easier for the drive.
The cemetery was just outside the village to where I lived and as I turned into the drive the gates were closed not locked and I saw a Land Rover parked in the car park, it’s doors wide open and a lady laying on the grass with a bottle of whisky well half a bottle. I thought there might be someone else with her and that she was just enjoying being here with a person that she loved and lost. I can understand that as I have been at the cemetery at 5.00am sometimes. I opened the gate and drove down to the car park .. I left the gates open too, I wasn’t going to stop long just to tell Mary I was going to see our son in the morning. I got out of the car and ignored the lady listening to her music, and went to my wife’s grave. I did what I went there to do, and went to walk towards my car and I looked at the lady and I would say she was in her early thirties, she was out of her mind drunk stupid and had vomited down her dress.
Like a gentleman I asked if everything was ok and was told to “F**K off” in no uncertain terms! I stood back a little and was wondering what should I do? I decided that as she was in no fit state to drive I would remove the keys from her vehicle, this I did, I didn’t want her to drive away and kill someone or herself, I then went over to the lady and told her what I had done and that I would be leaving the cemetery to get some help and her reply was “Who do you think you are? Eh? Ark Angel Gabriel? I thought what a nice thought! I drove off and not far away was the cemetery’s secretary, so I pulled into her drive it was about 9.00pm by now, the secretary’s husband came to the door and he looked a little glazed, his wife wasn’t in so I asked him if he could call the police and described the situation to him. He replied that he would give them a call and I left to go back to the woman as it was getting dark and she was on her own. I arrived back in the cemetery and the lady was still laying on the grass and not her blanket it was starting to get damp and cooler I asked her if she would sit on the blanket and of course she told me so nicely F**k off! I went back to the Land Rover and saw another blanket in the back so I brought it too her and put it over her shoulders as she only had a thin summer dress on. On doing this her attitude changed and she seemed to be a little chatty, then she said to me “what you doing here? I suppose someone you know has died?” I told her yes my wife and her reply was “Oh you sad B*****d do you think I care?” I was taken aback by her remarks but still understood that she was in no fit mental state to be left alone, I thought what should I do? Its 9.45pm it’s now dark and I’m in a cemetery, on my own with a drunken woman, who I was scared to leave her on her own she could walk into the dark country lane and get killed. Where are the Police?
I thought I shall give them a ring I dialled 999 but for some reason I couldn’t get through my mobile just didn’t work properly there was a large church spire nearby probably blocking the signal, I didn’t know so I tried 911 which is the international number I think ……. But still no luck, I then tried to phone my cousin and she lived nearby but no answer, then I spotted the ladies mobile on the ground. I thought maybe I could phone one of her friends. I asked her can I phone one of your friends on your phone? She agreed and passed me her phone and told me to ring Kate. But guess what no credit left on her phone …… here we go good old David!! I actually got through to this Kate on my phone and didn’t realise that I could get through, anyway a lady answered the call ………. And here is me explaining the situation to her, she had taken note of my mobile number and to be safe I gave her my car details to make her trust me. Kate …….. Wait for it lives in London 130 miles away, she told me that the lady in question (I shall call her Ann) had mental problems and only two weeks ago she had tried to jump off a bridge! I thought oh my God David your not only on your own in a dark cemetery in the middle of the countryside no lighting around and I’m with a drunken suicidal young woman! I passed my mobile to Ann so her friend could reassure her that she is safe!
The time now was 10.30pm and it was getting rather damp and very cool, I had noticed that there was an empty bottle of whiskey near her car, well she is truly well oiled methinks! Ann shouted that Kate wanted to speak to me, I told her I didn’t know what to do and someone was going to ring the Police at 9.00pm and there is still no sign of them. Kate said that she would call the Police and give me a cal back. Kate gave me a call back about 10 minutes later, and said she had called the Police and they will be with us shortly the conversation was overheard by Ann who had heard the Police mentioned she shouted “You B*****d you’ve called the Police and she came running after me with the whiskey bottle and hurled it at me but it missed me thank God I decided to empty the contents of the bottle I was still on the phone to Kate I explained what had happened and she just said run as fast as you can away from her!
It’s a mans thing about always wanting to be chased by a woman!! I was frightened she had blood curling screams and all of a sudden a hand came from the back of me trying to gouge my eyes …………. Well I did no more than grab the hand and somehow I had managed to throw Ann over my shoulder and I’m still on the phone, I shouted oh no I’ve assaulted her now and Kate shouts down the phone it’s ok I can hear everything just run out of the cemetery she is so pissed she won’t know the way out. That’s what I did I was so frightened a big 6foot guy frightened ….. You bet!
I stood at the entrance of the cemetery and could see flashing blue lights over in the village …….. And all I thought was come quick she might be coming to get me!
(Wimp!………. but I don’t care!!)
At last I see their headlights as they come speeding down the dark country road at about 11.00pm they turned into the entrance and a Policeman got out quite abruptly and said what going on here? We had report of a woman drunk where is she I said somewhere in the cemetery she attacked me …. The Policeman put his spotlight on and shone it into the cemetery and saw Ann laying flat out on her back I was grabbed by the arm that quick by the Policeman another officer who was driving sped down the drive towards the woman ……. They must have thought I had done something to her. We saw the driver get out and run to the Ann she was trying to get up and next thing she attacked the officer ……….. Ooh dear oooooooooo David!!
The Officer who held me by the arm released me and spoke to Kate who was still on my mobile … she explained to the Officer what had happened! I was then asked by the other Officer that the woman claims I stole her mobile phone …….. Oh no here we go again!! I explained that it must be around near her car ………… thank goodness it was! I handed Ann’s car keys to the Officer who thanked me for what I had done.
The Police had just left with Ann arrested, when I got back to my car I found that Ann had broken my aerial and slightly dented the wing.
I only came to speak to my wife and pay my respects to her!
Why did I change the day and time to visit the cemetery? It was meant to be!
Maybe I saved someone’s life by my deeds this day ……. Now wouldn’t that be nice!
The next morning a Policewoman came to the house to take a statement from and told me that Ann had been arrested for being drunk and disorderly and they tested her blood levels and found that the amount of alcohol in her body and the times recorded that she was drunk before arriving at the cemetery, so she was being charged with drink driving as well. I was asked if I wanted to press charges for the assault of course I said no as the lady needed help not punishing!
The officer told me that Ann comes from a very rich family and that she had lost her brother in a horsing accident, which has imbalanced her mind. I asked the Officer to tell Ann when she was sober that an apology would suffice for the assault on me and possibly a donation to a charity for the damage she caused to my car.
Guess what? ……… No Thanks ………….. No Apology …………. No Donation!
One of life’s trials I suppose, and I bet your thinking no it can’t be true, it wouldn’t happen, well it certainly did and Ann was duly sentenced!
Please read the next story A Cloning of my Car which is also an interesting read on the link below.
“An Attack In A Cemetery”
This is an unbelievable story but it is true
I hope you enjoy this story and please leave a comment. I would love to see what you thought about it
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