My apologies for yesterday's whinings~
Today, i found out why i’ve been quiet and retreating from everyone.
basically, i had the mindset, if my family don’t give a hoot about me, why would anyone else care. i can’t even get acceptance/love/care from my family, who am i to ask for love/care/attention from others. Bad and sad mindset, yea.. Which is why i’m glad i manage to pinpoint it, with the help of my counselor, today. Now i know that just because i’m utterly disappointed by the people in my real life, i shouldn’t ignore those who actually care for me. Even though they’re just online, in my laptop, on the other side of the pc is a real person!! STUPID ME!! 
i’m sorry for being quiet, and not my “normal” bubbly self. depression is not something anyone have full control over. i can’t just start communicating like nothing happened. i’ve been getting lotsa crap from the people in my “real life”. From not having any support/encouragements/acceptance from my family, to having friends/acquaintances who i’m starting to get sick of for how they’re just using me, or look for me only when they need me.
It sickens me, the characters of the people in my real life. It’s like they always have something up their sleeves, either wanting your help, and wanting to make use of anyone or anything they can get. Soo many of them who’re quiet and never contacted me for a looooong time, and suddenly come looking for me just to help them with something or just talk to them because “i’m bored”.. i even had 1 jerk of a “friend” who asked me for the market rates of quotation and then later disappear without a “thanks”. it’s like a mere “thanks.” itself is already kinda rude, let alone to disappear just like that. pfft.. Ungrateful baka.. then there are those who look down on me, when they’re nowhere better themselves. 
So yea, i will most likely take awhile to get back to my old bubbly self. i don’t even know if i can get back to being sooo cheery, but i’ll sure as hell try. You guys are too nice and kind and loving for me to not love you guys back. Since there’s no one to love in real life, i’ll love all you lovely people instead!! 
Now for the good news… Read my latest frozenfa’s side journal!!
CATNIPMEOW
Oh sweet soul…..sometimes its hard not to let the “real” world get you down
Just remember our maker loves each and every one of us more than we know and could possible consider…......( NOT trying to be preachy at all…....love is my religion ) Unfortunately we do not get to pick our “family” but we do get to pick our friends ! Wishing you Peace Love and light…........
silentcries replied
OO” i always shiver when called a sweet soul.. eeek~ heheheh.. thank you so so much, catnipmeow!!
CazzieCreations
Fa Hunny!! you dont have to apoligize my friend!! we Love you Fa!! Bless you sweety!!
((((((((((((huggles))))))))))) xoxox
silentcries replied
thank you so much, Cazz.. you’ve been wonderfully supportive.. it feels nice to know that i’m not the only one who gets too stumped to give any comments or replies sometimes.. thank you, my friend!!
georgiegirl
{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}
No need to be sorry for speaking your mind. At least you’re on your way up again! It’s a hard slog but it’s so worth it. Never mind about the others. They’re not worth it, but I know it hurts. How many times do people talk about the unconditional love of their parents?
But like you and your counsellor has pointed out…. we, your virtual friends, are here for you and we ARE real. Do you remember having pen pals? Thats a friend you’ve never met but write to regularly via snail mail and usually, you and the pen pal were from opposite sides of the planet. Well, pen pals have evolved into virtual friends.
That climb you have ahead of you will take a while, but if you concentrate on you and all the good and positive things around you, then it will seem easier. Sort of anyway.
You have the support of so many… you just need to open your eyes and accept us into your life. I’m sounding a bit pushy, but from my expert (hee hee) opinion, I think its acceptance that’s needed first and foremost. Acceptance about your real world and that there’s nothing you can do about them, acceptance that the market you will be selling at will be a Huge hit, acceptance of yourself (you are a wonderful person… all the tv shows say you have to say stuff in front of mirrors, so say nice stuff about yourself, to yourself really loudly!) and lastly, acceptance that we in the www are real people and do care about each other.
Sorry, bit of a rant and rave… But one more thing!!! You’ve met Ellen… she’s real… so she’s proof that your virtual friends are real :D
much love and hugs xxxxx GG
silentcries replied
Karin Taylor
take care fa…i know you’ll be busy from hereon with your cart…and i just want to wish you all the very best with it all, a happy time this Christmas and much success in the New Year… i know it’s been a tuff year for you…and i hope that things are looking up a bit for you now, you have support from friends, and a whole new life ahead of you to build towards. I am for one, proud of you, and all the hard work, and your achievements. I will be taking a break from red bubble for some time, perhaps a couple of weeks, just wanted to let you know….best of luck of Monday – Wednesday with your very first stall :) I’ll be thinking of you !! Work hard!! Stay strong…bfn k
Karin Taylor
Great to hear good news like this fa, good to know the counsellor has been able to help – i wanted to wish you all the best with your cart/market/stall for the coming Mon-Wed, you must be feeling very excited. As for ‘friends’ that ask you to do stuff, why do you call them ‘friends’ – that isn’t what friends do…so maybe you can stop calling them your friends and let go of those people…and only look for people that are uplifting in your life. Remember, that everyone is under stress, and none of us is perfect….but we do try. We do care. We are who we are… work hard at being happy, no one else but you can do that for you… and although it’s very very hard at times, i know you can do it…you have strength of mind and heart. You are a strong soul fa. I am taking a break from Red Bubble now, and probably won’t see you around nearly as much, as you’ll be busy prepping for your cart and working there!, so I just want to wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, may all your dreams come true fa…
xx
silentcries replied
barnsis
How about if we accept you as you are and when you feel like laughing we will laugh with you and when you feel like being left alone we will even do that and wait for you to be ready to talk again. For what it is worth you are not alone in people treating you the way they do, it happens to many of us. Once upon a time I let it bother me that I let people use me but as I got older i decided that I like me the way I am and if someone is just around to get what they can from me the that is their loss and I will soon know. The first time they screw me it is their fault the second time it is mine, there will be no third.
silentcries replied
barnsis
Bless you my child { :>) Happy holidays, best wishes from us!
silentcries replied