tumult

it always happens in unexpected moments,
the feeling that hopelessness can swallow me whole,
in seemingly peaceful fragments of the day
like when noticing the way the wind tugs at the leaves at night
or the way the light is dripping and flowing into a silent room

sometimes I feel as if there is a tragic love opera
lilting and building a crescendo in my heart
without any audience to bear the beauty and pain of it all

I’ve become very good at swallowing it all down
into the pit of me where the dark places whisper

but it comes at a great sacrifice
like someone that cheats death
the demons that call don’t like to be ignored
nor to be treated as something of inconsequence

so they hit me when I’m not watching for them
I shatter, molecule by molecule, in silence
as they break me from the inside

I’m a shadow, crushing into myself

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sometimes we can’t see those that are slowly breaking from inside out

I am a dreamer, artist, and mother. I dance in the rain, spend too much time reading books, and live for my family. I am a gypsy, poet, musician, and artist. But most of all, I am a butterfly fairy. Come dream with me.

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Comments

  • George Coombs
    George Coombsover 2 years ago

    Deeply thought encouraging and engaging writing, I know what you mean by breaking from the inside out, great work that i felt close to

  • thank you george, your big heart is such a feeler and i’m so thankful it always reaches out to me. hugs..

    – ShadowDancer

  • LisaMM
    LisaMMover 2 years ago

    exquisitely beautiful, exquisitely tender and painful…so many lines tugged at my heart, the imagery your words conjure flood me with sadness but a sadness filled with rich and strong beauty….coming from within yourself. :-))) xx

  • trying to find the strength again, lisa.. trying… encouraging my pen as you always do is a step in the right direction, for the more i write the more strength i find within myself. thank you dear one. xxx

    – ShadowDancer

  • evon ski
    evon skiover 2 years ago

    whoa. that is one well penned piece. Really really GOOD!!

  • thank you yvonca… such a pleasure to know it evoked such a response..

    – ShadowDancer

  • linaji
    linajiover 2 years ago

    Holy Shit… I am so glad you will be here and here and now here. I love you and this piece?
    tugs at the leaves that leave me every day. wow PJ your voice just needed to be heard again, you go great lengths to trick the world at large to give you the space to write and create… Just HS again… this works like the sun rising. love you so much. xoxooxox

  • <<<<big sighs>>>> trying to find that voice, yes, she needs to be heard, i need to listen to her again.. i think her throat has been stuck closed for far too long. thank you for always being around to pick me up when i need it. i love you more than you know. xxxxooooxxoooo

    – ShadowDancer

  • Jenifer DeBellis
    Jenifer DeBellisover 2 years ago

    Exquisite imagery and mood. And instant fav. xox

  • oh jennifer, such a delicious comment.. thank you dear.. xoxo

    – ShadowDancer

  • wildwomenlove
    wildwomenloveover 2 years ago

    there is nothing worse than a lack of hope…
    we can get through anything, anything at all
    so long as there’s hope…
    it is a crisis of Faith, that only you can solve…
    and I am sending you tendrils of love glow
    from across the oceans
    so that your shadow will meld into the light
    dripping from the cave walls of your heart

    this is poignant and beautiful PJ, as are you
    inside and out
    big love
    xxx

  • <<sigh>> i feel you, like i always feel you my sister friend. thank you so much for being such a wonderful pillar of strength for me, it’s a wonder how souls can connect through such a distance.. but i really feel yours right alongside mine, giving me sparkles to glimmer from. <3

    – ShadowDancer

  • Cosimo Piro
    Cosimo Piroover 2 years ago

    such a raw understanding here where the images uncover themselves and show their profound aches and richness of feeling… such depth has the beauty and pain of solitude… for me, a powerful write that got beyond the skin and into my core. I’m a shadow, crushing into myself Very moving, PJ. So well expressed. xoxo

  • oh cos.. life can be so achy and full of tender pains.. sometimes it’s too much to bear and then we retreat, into our own selves, to find that spark of life (hope) again and let it grow.. sometimes we are in-between.. hoping to have hope. you’re words are always a healing balm for my tender soul.. <3

    – ShadowDancer

  • sure2010
    sure2010over 2 years ago

    Just superb write

  • thank you very much :)

    – ShadowDancer

  • John Dicandia  ( JinnDoW )
    John Dicandia ...over 2 years ago

    So Beautifully tragic. You’ve got me. : D

  • Isn’t it quite the conundrum that we find tragedy so beautiful, perhaps the reminder of how fragile we are hits a soft spot within all of us.. i’m so grateful that you enjoyed… and thanks to give yourself, i accept. ;)

    – ShadowDancer

  • madvlad
    madvladover 2 years ago

    implosion ,chance to rebuild, the former lies,taught,like some useless spam,that got into you heart and minds computer,and to learn,no out side,life raft is waiting, to save you from,drowning,in past sea of malcontent fables, nice poem young lady keep swimming to shore

  • such an insightful comment, full of wisdom and encouragement, i thank you for this gift.

    – ShadowDancer

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