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nuclear

your gaze rests upon my shoulder
like a black hole
sinking me into an oblivion
where only our two heartbeats
will be heard

I fear to look up

please, stay.
while I keep my heart at distance.

the nuclear energy flashing
in your eyes,
the places on my neck
that rate on fire
where your lips could ravish,
the edge-of-combustion feeling
inside of me when I see you…

this contagion of desire
that sinks into the skin above my heart
is a garden I don’t dare stroll into
for fear I might find I desperately need
a life filled with only our laughter

I don’t want you to live inside
of me like a secret wind
with all the loneliness of a leaf
in the forest
who is denied love through the dark green spaces
that it forever remains

where sunlight has forgotten it
and its unreachable happiness is
a sadness that moans and
pushes its solitudes
deeply into the root of its tree
and where loneliness is a desperate cry
after it has been torn from its anchor

love is a dying hope where
my heart can lie restless
like the leaf farthest from the stars

so, please not too close

your nuclear eyes
are a bargaining chip I can’t afford
as they stir my soul into
an endless dance
of wanting and hope
the source of possible pain
where I could find myself offering
my soul in wholeness

a death for life
simply to light a fire
on my shoulders from your mouth
where my skin turns into
a newborn star
a flash of radiance that
awakens the universe

your touch could, quite possibly,
be a never ending
creation of universe within universe
a collision of existence
like life itself blown apart
where the end of the universe is
where two dormant hearts awaken
and cause life to recreate itself

distance…
my black night that asks
the moon for her light

you make me want to love,
or die, or leave

and this confusion stirs
in the pit of my stomach
like a stone in the darkest place
of the ocean

so I break away
from your gaze
and fade back into the shadows
where my heart talks to the stars once again
whispering of a nuclear kiss
that I may never have the courage to accept
for my heart cannot afford
another death

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to take the leap or keep the dream.. isn’t each time we love (then lose) like a secret death? maybe i do not have any resurrections left.

I am a dreamer, artist, and mother. I dance in the rain, spend too much time reading books, and live for my family. I am a gypsy, poet, musician, and artist. But most of all, I am a butterfly fairy. Come dream with me.

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Comments

  • Cosimo Piro
    Cosimo Piroabout 3 years ago

    wow oh wow PJ… I feel the intensity of passion and the self protection that shields from taking a leap into something new. Some of us stand on the edge and wonder, some step back into the shadows, some leap but fall, and some find their wings and soar… the one thing common is that we never truly know where our decisions could lead to.
    Loved this- "I don’t want you to live inside of me like a secret wind etc…. " Profound, emotional, and fiery write, PJ. Wonderful read that leads to a personal insight. Much love. xoxo

  • Cos.. yes oh yes.. i love when i get this kind of reaction from you… it’s that standing at the edge of the cliff feeling.. that desire vs. need conflict in our hearts and mind.. your comment could stand alone as a poem unto itself… beautiful insight and so glad you shared with me. it’s interactions like this that make me love sharing our art, dreams, and visions. Much love right back to you. xoxoxoxo

    – ShadowDancer

  • Leon A.  Walker
    Leon A. Walkerabout 3 years ago

    You are an amazing talent Patti Jo and I absolutely adore this piece of work. It is telling and passionate and beautifully written. Just love Sweetheart… It is called life, and you will survive. x

  • Leon.. you know I adore you, right? I’m so thrilled that you enjoyed this somewhat revealing write… the electrical charge one gets when love is standing in front of you, taunting, and yet it’s so frightening at the same time. will that charge light you up and give you energy to soar, or will it electrocute you and turn your heart into burnt toast… gotta take that leap to find out, I guess.. or else forever remain hidden in the shadows. thank you dear one. xx

    – ShadowDancer

  • linaji
    linajiabout 3 years ago

    You’ve really done it my dearest, you took what ailed you yesterday and you turned it around to serve you. I love what the two above have said about your work and I cannot but find each delicious line a shining winning of how passionate and far reaching you truly are as woman and philosopher and magnificent being. Your vulnerability turns to wise armor and your clarity in what you don’t want tears open the box of goodies that defines what you do.
    xooxoxoxoox

  • Lina.. sometimes you really fill me with so much emotion on the inside I can’t find any words to reflect it back to you.. I just nod and smile and give you a big hug and kiss across this universe and hope you feel it as strongly as I sent it. What a journey I have been on the last few years, and it would all be going down much differently if it wasn’t for your support, love, and friendship. I love you, woman, more than you’ll ever really know.

    – ShadowDancer

  • linaji
    linajiabout 3 years ago


    November 2011

  • I know I’m late but it’s always ALWAYS a thrill to see this sexy banner on my work. Shukriyah Thank you.

    – ShadowDancer

  • LisaMM
    LisaMMabout 3 years ago

    Oh….wow….ShadowDancer, what a beautifully touching, incredibly powerful write…full of such angst , tainted with the sweetest vulnerability of a longing yet resisting heart. So, so beautifully expressed, painful, passionate, yearning and heartbreaking. Amazing writing, amazing soul, vision and insight. :-) xxxxx

  • Lisa.. ahhhh your comment is such a plethora of fanastical sharing I am overwhelmed. I really can’t express but do know that it literally brought tears to my eyes. Sometimes to feel too much is the burden of an artist/writer, but when you find others that feel what you feel, it somehow lightens the load. Much love to you, beautiful woman. xoxoxo

    – ShadowDancer

  • evon ski
    evon skiabout 3 years ago

    i shake my head and weep at the truth and beauty of this.
    I wish this man of “yours” could read this.
    I wish for a happy ending.
    profoundly touching.

  • yvonca.. it just hit me now, as i read your comment wondering about the outcome… to say that, i came out of the shadows and took the leap and have never been happier in my life. fear can be a good thing, but courage and dreams are what the good things in life are made of. <3

    – ShadowDancer

  • deepbluwater
    deepbluwaterabout 3 years ago

    incredibly poignant and deep…
    I read this the other day and it has since been rolling around in my mind & heart.
    so beautifully expressed!

  • so nice to know that my whimsical heartbeatings have been rolling around ur deepbluwaters…. thank you for sharing your thoughts..

    – ShadowDancer

  • lolowe
    loloweabout 3 years ago

    Wow…such intensity. Heartbreaking and yet so affirming for me. This love, the one you speak of is as powerful as it is sorrowful, mixed in beauty and pain. This etched a place in my heart, what a way your poetry sings, even if the song is one of sadness.

  • Love has a yin-yang of its own you know… such euphoria and flight, yet so frightful and full of despair… but the story did not end with sadness… it was only the beginning of something really amazing. <3

    – ShadowDancer

  • Arco Iris  R
    Arco Iris Rabout 3 years ago

    Once I was so tempted to take tthat leap into the sea to either swim like a mermaid or drown. I chose to keep the dream. Wonder if I still have a chance to make a choice once again.
    I would have never expressed it as beautiful as you have done.xoxoxo

  • Iris… oh wow, i feel so special that you divulged your ‘what if’ with me… sometimes it’s so nice to have the dream, that way everything is always perfect, then again.. it’s not easy to always wonder about what u may have missed… either way, we walk the path we choose, and that is where are destiny is waiting for us.. not in the time we want, but in the time it should be. i hope you get that chance again and that you don’t just leap but you FLYYYYYYY…. <3

    – ShadowDancer

  • Alison Pearce
    Alison Pearceabout 3 years ago

    Magnificently penned

  • oh alison.. what more to say than thank you so much from the bottom of my inkwell…

    – ShadowDancer

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