’I’ve read what you have written about me’
he says so me- more so my feet- avoiding eye contact at all costs.
And? I ask back, What about it? do you know what i’m saying?
he sighs looking into my eyes as i shudder, his piercing green eyes are deep, and teeming with hurt and sadness,
‘yes i know what you are saying,
but its just words on paper,
you repeat everything every poem is the same- reworded,
like it really means something to you,
like i mean something to you.
Does your boyfriend know that you write poetry about some other guy?
and none about him?’
“thats a lie,
i fire back,
thats a lie and you know it,
i have written about him…. And it has to mean something to you,
it has to mean something more than just words on paper to you,’
He holds my gaze,
as my eyes well with tears,
i don’t know what to say,
just like always- i have no words and the one i do have seem to have no meaning to him,
to him their just words on paper and i’m unsure if he’ll ever get that I love him.
I have watched him get hurt by others- myself included(i fucked up),
secretly weeping with him throughout the rejection,
laughing-though silent- through the good
and loathing the ones who put him down,
telling him to give up.
I know the damage i have caused has taken its toll;
i had my chance, i blew it…… but he gave me another-
it was so close,
almost there we were almost together then i turned right around,
surprising my self even,
and left him in the dust………
2 months onto it i relive it with every conversation we held,
me secretly wanting to just hug him and know that all is forgiven,
but at the same time,
I know he’s dying to punch me in the face
and watch me suffer through what he has been through…… or not.
He may feel the same way.
I’ve tried to tell him how i feel,
whats been going on, and asking whats with him,
but to him its just words on paper- no meaning.