The doubt of exisitence

In a week the show will open. For the past few months it has been my guiding light, my end point, a reason to get up and paint each day. I enjoyed the sense of purpose, even though the exhibition itself wasn’t the motivation alone, it acted more as a gentle guiding voice at the back of my head. I dared not examine the work too harshly, for I would inevitably deem it unworthy, paint over it again and again and be left sad, unsatisfied and doubtful of my pieces. I tried to search in my mind, my memory and in my self, what I had experienced and learnt in the previous few months, while I was traveling, dealing with my shifting relationship, the future. Would these images truly express my understanding? were they really of a standard I could go out and trumpet about, “Come and see them”, "Come to the show !‘, it was and is, so hard. I don’t think they are. But i had agreed, was committed and agreed to the terms of the gallery. I don’t have anything else in my life, no other sense of purpose, so i was grateful for this excuse. I painted around 20 new works, am including 8 earlier works that I think are strong and meaningful, and so we shall see. Every step we take into the unknown, hopefully lights up a pathway, even a metre ahead of us, that enables us to take the next step. The Traveller’s Guide shows me this, all our baggage and a guide to show us to the next ephemeral destination.

Journal Comments

  • Alison Gilbert
  • Saren Dobkins
  • Cindy Schnackel
  • Saren Dobkins