Tuesday, September 25, 2007
There is a fury upon my brain for the moment.
Has it come here to stay or will it pass?
To sit idle and remotely observe was my first intent.
This unskilled hand prepares the paper for the message. Take note of the lack within margins. Look inward with a rage of realization that the limits of my mind were only there because I have allowed them to be.
What is it that I seek? Will the fury be enough motivation for my journey? Where will it refuel?
Is it a phoenix? That would be a dream. A dream dormant in ashes awakening once again to lead my thoughts to a conclusion where only dreams can survive.
Life Liberty and the Pursuit… Could I now be ready to give chase to this foreign to me now phrase?
Does fury belong there? Perhaps to guard the foundation of an idea, maybe even my very heart.
The biggest problem is the hope. Standing there looming over my thoughts attempting to put a positive spin on a chain allowing me to daydream of an outcome that only determination could reach.
Yet I seem to wait, pondering over these ashes that there is nothing to be done. The phoenix is there; somewhere in the dust of these remains. A spark lit from an idea has breathed life into the mundane existence of my soul. Now I am unable to sleep over the smallest spark.
Who is she for the rest of this night? How has she cast me aside so quickly tonight? I have just met her yet there is a dream already building.
More than a dream now as I am fully awake. Possibility could have chanced upon me a vision of what I seek. Recounting that minor glimpse the first day we met.
Here I walk still stumbling and stuttering due to an inability to voice my true story. There could be everything true collected in this box of papers.
For example: a daydream of reading this to you in a coffee shop.
The knowledge of my family and the places I have grown from had begun to instill a sense of purpose behind these eyes.
There was a period in my life when a belief was a passing trend. Nothing seemed to imprint upon me. Ridiculous remarks were thrown about in an attempt to sustain an existence. The truth was that it all imprinted upon me and I had left no mark. Although, if there could have been a mark, then I would doubt that anyone would look for it.
The journey continues.
There are so many thoughts lost within these words. When a slight essence of an idea or memory started to flourish then my incapable limits began to step in.
To break open this ceiling and absorb the night sky onto paper is impossible for my skill. Yet this is where my heart remains. This improbable feat keeps me up at this time.
How could I show her what she means to me?
Would there be a way to insure my sanity in this matter? Could this be shown to someone else without defeating a private or unseen bond?
And so it comes into the hands of a stranger to this matter. Hopefully a friend close enough to pull me away from these thoughts or one brave enough to tell me that I need to venture into this part unknown to my inexperience.
Pain has been present in most aspects of my life. At this point there is no real fear in my decision.
The clock has announced an early morning and this brain still stirs. Although this is unresolved I have to force myself to rest due to a busy schedule tomorrow.
3:15am /pass out
This was a journey inside a chain of thoughts that seems to suspend my currently desperate life. It was late at night when I wrote this, so it will probably not make much sense due to my mind racing faster than my fingers could grasp.
Just testing this website out as well, thanks for the input ahead of time.