I was born and implanted with a very prominent case of Narcissism. I may have been an ugly and over weight child, but where my looks lacked I could always make up for it in talent. I’ve always been a person of many skills, and I’m never horrible at anything I try. I’ll try video games, sports, different art forms, and even specific dance moves and I won’t be the best in the world but I won’t crash and burn either. I was raised in the shadow of my older sibling, and the only thing that kept me going was that she was born talentless. I didn’t know such a thing existed till later in my adolescence, I analyzed her and the way she lived. she had nothing to show for that she could create or beat someone at, while I could create anything I put my mind too and was developing a champion’s conviction. I rarely lost when I was challenged as a child and so I had begun to think I was invincible. It later on became an addiction to dares. This was of course a negative aspect of my life, it always has been and I’m sure it always will be.
“We Are Your Friends”
Around the summer of 2008 I had grown too bored for my own good. My boyfriend of the time was always working so I was left to my own devices. I often sat on the computer for hours on end and would do close to nothing. My friend would often talk about how we should make short films, and we actually made a couple classics titled “Escaped Crazies” and “Prohibition”. Since my friend was too busy I took it upon myself to let my narcissism take control.
I created a daily video blog.
It is called “We Are Your Friends”
It started out as a simple and poorly lit project that was only supposed to last a month, but it turned into something that is often referred to as a trademark of myself. Now, I went to a small school so word got around that the person that they thought was quiet and reserved actually had quite the personality. The blog helped people to know me without approaching me, and thus escalated me into a sort of mini-stardom, or at least grew my friends circle by a good fifty people. This video blog actually was the reason that the boy from “Ferry Days” actually learned who I was. Before my videos no one knew me really. Most of them knew my name, but none of them bothered to approach and to find out that I am a very interesting person. Generally, this gave me a sense of pride.
I felt proud of myself for creating something of my own.
I felt proud for doing something that I could put creative energy into.
I felt proud for putting myself out there.
After a long period of successfully making the show daily I began to let my interest dwindle. I was clever in the beginning but things began to go very downhill, since my creativity can only be stretched so far. People began to stop watching, and in turn I began to stop trying. I’m pump out an episode every month or so, but eventually I gave up on the idea all together.
I know i’ll pick it up again once my pride begins to run low, I won’t deny it and say I’m done making the show. The show made me feel like the center of attention, I enjoyed every bit of it. When someone would reference it to me, I’d have to struggle to remember only because I was so taken aback with pride over the fact that someone watched and remembered what I’d said. It was a good feeling.
I highly recommend it.
I haven’t made an episode in quite a few months, but ever so often I’ll get a message on youtube asking me where I had gone. I suppose I got this attention not because the show was any good but because it was interesting to hear what I had to say next, or people enjoyed the way I looked. I got messages going both ways.
Because of the video blog I mentioned to you a boy contacted me through the internet. He was the first person to give me real recognition for my videos, and was by all means one of the more friendly people I had ever met. At first I found it creepy how much he wanted to talk to me via the internet, and yet he never spoke to me at school. But I felt flattery at the same time, so I let it happen. He was two years my junior and his older sister coincidentally was dating my one guy friend. After much conversation I told him I’d say hi in the hall.
It took me quite a few days to actually work up the courage to say hi in the hall.
Eventually it got done and we became pretty decent friends.
Because of his young age I never considered him romantically, though I later learned that he considered me romantically, but by all means we were pals. I didn’t hang out with him much after school but i’d occasionally give him a call and invite him to hang out with me and my other friends after school. He was always so keen to agree.
He has this section in this chapter because all he ever did was compliment me.
I’m not sure if it was in his nature, or if it was really what he thought of me.
But I can confidently say that he is single-handedly responsible for building and concreting my ego.
Still to this day he watches and comments on my videos. He still contacts me and I still contact him. We’ve had our ups and downs during our peculiar relationship but we never parted for long. I never see him outside of school and since my ego has taken such a dip, I feel sadness for this. Perhaps i’ll let this writing revamp my contact with him. Perhaps I won’t.
“Sworn In”I remember sitting in the library staring at the projection screen. Th kid next to me was practically wiggling in his chair as he viewed and named each past politician. He occasionally exploded when I didn’t know who a handful were. I knew Jimmy Carter, and I’d compared Dick Cheney’s wheel-chair bond self to Roosevelt. “Which Roosevelt?” he questioned, and I unfortunately didn’t know. We were all waiting as the room quickly filled with students.
We were all waiting to see history.
We were all waiting to see the first African-American president get sworn in.
I was pretty sure I was going to skip out on lunch to watch the speech. I was going to have to borrow money to buy food anyhow, so why not? I remember feeling disappointed that we were watching a news program that I didn’t care for, and when we finally switched over to MSNBC I felt elated because it was Brian Williams who was doing the narrating. I was distracted away from president-elect. I was distracting myself from my own excitement.
Whilst the priest, who’s name I didn’t know, was giving his speech I recalled on how I’d seen this man in person. I’d practically shook his hand at the first rally that I attended in Grand Rapids. I’d gone to the arena in the company of my sister but we had arrived a little late. The boy from Mezuzah and my guy friend from Geometry were further along in the line. They invited me to go up and join them so I eagerly agreed. We were in that line for almost two hours before we were ushered through the metal detectors. I felt angered that I;d eft my camera behind, but trusted enough in my memory to not let it bother me. The arena was practically full t the brim and our seats were a little far back but nonetheless, it was a glorious moment.
Even then I felt more proud than you can know.
The second rally I attended, also in Grand Rapids. I had attended with the boy from “Ferry Days” and it was a day I would never forget.
The air was cold and crisp. I can’t know for sure but I believe it was in October. The crowd was thick and we’d arrived an hour earlier than the open doors. We found our parking space and eventually made our way to the line. We passed the time by people watching and cracking silent jokes about the product pushers. An elderly man would pass shouting out “Buttons! Buttons!” and he’d say it with such an absent tone that we all couldn’t help but giggle. As the line slowly move forward we all began to feel the same growing excitement. I had been the only one to see this man once before, but by all means, I felt just as excited as if I hadn’t. by the time we reached the doors we had gotten used to the cold because of the surrounding crowd. We were packed into the park after going through some metal detectors and found our way to a decent spot. I am a shorter person so it was difficult to see anything, but luckily my camera was my eyes. i’d raise it in the air and hold down shutter, it’d take a million photos and i’d review them. The presidential candidate arrived on the stage late but as he came out from the building and stood at the podium, an energy erupted. I wouldn’t have been surprised if the concrete beneath us shook. all three thousand people were practically in tears as they raised their arms in the air and gave out passionate cries. We were a part of history, and we were entrusting him to guide us.
I will admit to feeling an excessive pride.
I felt more pride than I could ever feel for my own self.
Because history was in the making, and we’d taken a step forward in a country that I had truly lost hope in.
A chapter of my Novella “I Ate KFC With a Nazi”