You turn up for a job interview…
The unwashed man, with a lazy eye, on the other side of the desk says “you look like the perfect person for this job”. You’re not sure you trust his judgement, but you like the noises he’s making so far.
He then explains what the job entails. You’ll get paid only in compliments (from the other employees.. who have that needy look in their eye like they’re hoping for a compliment in return) and only very occasionally.
Hahah, ok, I see by the look on your face that you think you can do better. Alright, how about if at intervals we also throw some loose change at you to buy coffee… and then for periods we’ll stop doing that…. and then we’ll start doing it again randomly. This will of course mess with your regularity of caffiene intake, which frankly is essential for getting the job done, ..and the twitching can get a bit annoying.. but we know you’ll get through it somehow… with only a small amount of hair loss, and a little bleeding from your fingers from all the chewing.
Once a week we’ll really test your commitment by pasting some essence of unicorn love on your forehead and setting a troll loose on your floor (trolls love that shit).
We’ll also lock you in a dark room and make you work through the night at least twice a week.
Your spouse is also going to be under contract with us (yeh, I know, you didn’t expect that did you?) to ensure that he/she regularly gives you that look that strongly implies that you’re not doing enough to help out. The ‘look’ consists of glaring through the eyebrows while crossing the arms. Picture it and remember it… ah who am I kidding? you know that look already don’t you. Your spouse has the option to vocalise as an accompaniment if and when appropriate (ie always), but the look and the crossed arms are compulsory.
You want the job? Sure you do ! Because, like me, you have a faulty switch in your brain that means you have no choice. You love it ! .. But you also have big dreams, even though you won’t always admit it. Some days you’ll claim you’re happy with things just the way they are. Other days you’ll quietly admit that you’d really love to strap a saddle on that troll. .. get paid… get some love.. and take over the world !!