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He questions me… like I am a five year old child who’s walked off with some stranger. He yells at me when I clown around and says ‘act your age’, when I act my age and retort; he frowns, and says ’don’t be cheeky’. Sometimes there is just no getting a word in either way. I frown in return and give him the cold shoulder until some part of him, I know… melts. Even though he looks tough on the outside – I know when I am down, he feels it too.

Even in the middle of the night, he calls to know if I have eaten. Even when I am miles away from him, he still wants to know whether I am alright, whether I have enough money in my pocket, whether I am well fed, whether I have a roof over my head.

He lectures me all the way, wherever I go with him, if I orbit around the sun, all I will hear would be him, giving me sound advice. He worries too much, about me. He worries that he won’t always be around to look after me. He worries about what would happen to me, if something were to happen to him. He knows the world inside out, he knows what pain is. He’s known it all his life, so he knows what the world can do to his little sister, if this big brother disappears. He doesn’t know, like I know, that God’s got both his little sister, my big brother, and the whole wide world in the palm of His so very big hand.

I used to think, I will never earn his love until I become a better person, the person he wants me to become. I never realized, until God whispered to me one fine day, stop all this busyness and look with your heart… All that time I’ve spent trying to live up to his standards and find approval in his eyes, I missed out this little fact – he loves me already and anyway, even as I am.

I’ll probably never hear him say those words ‘I love you’, and I guess… that’s OK.

Because I already know that he does – anyway.

Journal Comments

  • Beautifuldreamer