Pretending to be someone I’m not, I get lost in this whirlwind. Trying to make pieces fit in a puzzle they never belonged to in the first place. Frustration amounts to nothing, it never did. I’m just feeling lost again. The streetlight outside my window only exists to taunt me. Shining brightly, as it was made to do. Rubbing its purpose in my face, knowing that I haven’t yet found a place to be. I can see the people walking down this lonely street, wondering if any of them feel the way I do. One can only hope that someone out there is living a similar life. You can only dream that you aren’t really as lost and alone as you seem to be. But when the truth comes out, we’ll finally realize that we never had anywhere to belong. We are all simple nomads, left searching for a place that doesn’t exist outside of ourselves. They tell you home is where the heart is, but hearts are never content. It’s still a lesson we haven’t learned. I’ve spent years watching time go by, waiting for an answer, only to find that nothing is ever that simple. Every beat of this heart leaves me longing for home, though I still can’t decide where that is. Maps prove useless, getting me anywhere than where I really want to be. Tomorrows keep passing faster than I can grasp, and I’m lost again.
I flip through channels, searching for anything that has the power to captivate. Back and forth between pixels and sound, I get lost somewhere in the static. Colors disintegrate and melt into something I can’t recognize through these cracked lenses that keep me from the world. My imagination is lacking since I left my youth behind, but I’d sell my soul to get it back. Assuming that there’s still a soul left to give after all these downhill days and endless battles back to the top. They have us believing that these years are the best of our lives, as we sit in classrooms trying desperately to find our way through a world that changes at every turn. I’m young and vulnerable, with skin thicker than lead and just enough time to repair the cracks that appear before I completely fall apart.
I like to write out emotions, and sometimes what hits the page makes sense. This is what came out that day. Hopefully it’s something others can relate to.