Bachelorette Party

Having already sampled most things kinky and bizarre by the (not so) tender age of 34, my bride’s maids were at a complete loss for Bachelorette party ideas. The savior came to them in the form of restaurant and nightclub “Lucky Chengs”. It is here where beautiful and (ahem) other types of drag queens strut their stuff in slinky outfits, providing lap and table dances to anyone of any sex or any species.
.
I was in awe of a particularly strapping hulk. He was wearing a mini skirt and the same blouse I was wearing. Unfortunately, the blouse looked better on him. I will admit though, I have sexier legs.
.
Anyway, after performing a variety of elegant and graceful dances for me, the 6’2” delicate flower decided to strip me of my blazer and dignity, and swiped the table with his professionally waxed arm, hoisting my dainty 155 pound frame onto the table for some extra-special treatment. Actually, he threw me on my back. So, there I was, lying on the table, like the cherry on top of a sundae consisting of fried rice, dumplings and whatever other delicacies stuck in duck sauce droplets that sparkled like rubies encrusted into the table.
.
Enter whipped cream. After all of the dancing and heavy lifting, my gender bending Adonis seemingly worked up quite an appetite, for after enthusiastically squirting my clothing with strategically placed protuberances of whipped cream, he proceeded to kneel over me and lap them up, sometimes lingering in oh-so-special zones. Unbeknownst to us, my hair had become a tangled, gummy mass, and had adhered to the table. Upon his attempt to pull my head between his rigid breasts, the pain hit. I grabbed him, pulling him down on top of me, laughing and crying that my head was stuck to the table. He promptly loosened the bonding agent with a glass of wine and we moved on to our next challenging endeavor, getting up.
.
Now standing isn’t typically anything more than a routine and often mundane task, however this night the act of standing took on completely new dimensions, for my dancer and I were stuck together, with his fishnet stockings and my chain-link belt happily performing their own dance of debauchery as we twisted and manipulated, to no avail, attempting to free ourselves. Eventually, one of the other dancers cut us apart with a butter knife. Personally, I believe it would have gone a lot quicker if they used a soldering iron. Now afraid to touch, we bid a fond adieu with air kisses blown in the general direction of the other person. It was ironic, after sharing such intimacy. I felt so cheap.
.
Smelling like sour milk, moo goo gai pan and Merlot, accompanied by my bride’s maids, I departed, making my way back to the car, not without first falling in the middle of the street for no apparent reason. Maybe I was preoccupied with savoring the memory of my one and only tri-sexual experience.

Bachelorette Party

Rikki Woods

Joined October 2009

  • Artist
    Notes
  • Artwork Comments 51

Artist's Description

I wrote this story a few years ago in order to enter it into a contest sponsored by Karen McCullah Lutz who authored The Bachelorette Party (movie coming out pretty soon). She also wrote Legally Blond, The House Bunny, and 10 Things I Hate About You. I didn’t win the contest, but she emailed me and said it was hilarious. She didn’t do that with everyone. That’s winning to me. I didn’t need the prize. I actually cherish her email. I think that might be stalkerish, lol.

I have photos, but I can’t find them. I have some, but not the ones I want to add. I think I shared them with someone at work (ha ha) and I know I brought them home, but didn’t put them back with the rest. They don’t add to the story like the pictures of Butch do. If I find the pics, I’ll post them at the end of this and do a journal that I’ve added the photos.

Artwork Comments

  • rubyjo
  • Rikki Woods
  • rubyjo
  • Rikki Woods
  • bloorain
  • Rikki Woods
  • bloorain
  • Rikki Woods
  • CLiPiCs
  • Rikki Woods
  • Arco Iris  R
  • Rikki Woods
  • Arco Iris  R
  • Rikki Woods
  • chitrali
  • Rikki Woods
  • Marg Thomson Photography
  • Rikki Woods
  • lupa
  • Rikki Woods
desktop tablet-landscape content-width tablet-portrait workstream-4-across phone-landscape phone-portrait
desktop tablet-landscape content-width tablet-portrait workstream-4-across phone-landscape phone-portrait

10% off

for joining the Redbubble mailing list

Receive exclusive deals and awesome artist news and content right to your inbox. Free for your convenience.