Public Restroom (Part I)/Toilet Paper Dilemmas

In public stalls rolls are gigantic
I understand why, can’t argue semantic
Still there’s not a thing about them I find romantic
For when I see them I get a little bit frantic

The first attempt I get only one piece
I look around for the Toilet Paper Police
I try again, my yield to increase
This time with a little more elbow grease

Why do they put it so far away
Is there something they’re trying to convey
Some hidden meaning in this bathroom soiree
As I twist and contort with it all on display

This time it rolls and it rolls and I can’t cut it loose
Wish I could wave a flag and call a truce
Why is it I feel so obtuse
When all I want is to clean my caboose

Now it’s dirty, it touched the wet tile
I’m starting to feel kind of hostile
I shouldn’t have to be so versatile
Or leave here feeling so defiled

Oh great that was the last sheet on the roll
Isn’t the Toilet Paper Police on patrol?
Into my head I want to put a bullet hole
I take a breath and exercise some self-control

I look under the wall to my left and my right
Looking for feet, a beacon of light
But it’s so very late, quarter past midnight
And there’s not a single soul in sight

To hell with it I say and grab my purse
Digging out tissues as aloud I curse
Nothing fancy, I’m really quite terse
Even though I know it could be worse

Why is this chamber of tortures called a room of rest
When I leave it feeling so very stressed
Even when I realize from Zen I’ve digressed
And recognize I’ve become too obsessed

I now leave in search of sanitation
Full of anger and way too much frustration
This would have turned out better with constipation
Instead of this horrendous misrepresentation

Public Restroom (Part I)/Toilet Paper Dilemmas

Rikki Woods

Joined October 2009

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Artist's Description

You can read Part II here

Featured in +*Lifeline+* November 22, 2009

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