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Badasses and Random Thoughts One does not have to be a fighter or a warrior or a soldier to be a badass. Infertility Treatments (Did not mean to make the butcher so completely uptight) For My Mother on Mother’s Day Thank you Death of the Albatross I close my eyes and beg dreams to come / But these nights, evasive sleep fills the darkness How to Fuck Up a Stalker Back in the days before Internet and caller I.D., I met a man through a personal ad named Paul B. We talked on the phone a number of time… Unintelligent Fornicating Female Anatomy (Mature) Not Quite Corleone Truthfully, he was quite handsome and definitely resembled Stallone. Who is he you ask? Sinus Rinse I love shooting it up one nostril / It’s like getting a message from an apostle Dental Floss Obsession A roll in my car and a roll in my purse / A roll in my desk at work to disperse Time for the Annual Vacuuming of the Turkey As you may or may not know, a Domestic Goddess I am not. In fact the domestic gene skipped right over me. That being said, for some reaso… Mascara It seems like no matter what I do / My lashes stick straight out when coated with goo Carla and Coot (for Flash Fiction Challenge #24) that boy was madder than a mule with a mouth full of bumble bees Clogged Toilet It rises and rises in the toilet bowl / With a result that couldn’t be less in your control Ass Hole He just stood there yelling “Asshole,” over and over Somewhere Sometimes Somewhere Sometimes A clue First impressions Incubus This poem is an attempt to take anger and sleepless nights and challenge myself to create a dark sonnet in iambic pentameter. I really sho… Bachelorette Party My TRI-sexual experience! Butch Was So Much More Than Just a Blow Up Doll (… As Butch was filled with air, it became obvious that Butch wasn’t just any blow up doll. He was a VERY WELL endowed blow up doll. Julius’s Ocean View He closed his eyes and enjoyed the moment – one with nature. Feeding Frenzy Dieting sucks Public Restroom (Part II)/In Search of Sanitation I put my hands below the faucet, it’s supposed to detect motion / Of course the water doesn’t start, what would give you that absurd notion? One Day A Drive But Always a Lifetime I want you to know, through it all, every argument, every fight, every unkind word or action we ever took toward one another, when it came … Water Retention This is the blessed week from hell / I need a diuretic Cheap Shoes (A Sonnet) Cheap shoes suck, they hurt my feet / Also make them stink to hell / Might as well wear blocks of concrete / But then they wouldn’t smell /… 50 Things About Rikki 1. What is Your Favorite Hobby? / Playing around on the Internet / . / . / 2. How old were you when you left school? / Since I work at a co… She Refused to Give In Bent in pain, she clutched her belly, writhed in agony and assumed the fetal position. The past flashed before her eyes. She knew there w… It’s New Year’s Eve and Jon Bon Jovi … My bladder has a mental disorder! Lullaby for My Little Boy Tonight I found a moonbeam / Pulled it down from way up high / For when you need some magic / You’ll have a limitless supply Airplane Farts Oh the horror! The Domination You were much easier prey than expected Red Been over mountains / Through restless seas / Survived the heat / Survived the freeze / Learned the meaning / Of bitter cold / Learned the … I’m Not Mad at You Anymore Those hallways housed heartbreak / Every corner and window stained by / Widowed ghosts weeping with loss / His face had a line for every on… Public Restroom (Part I)/Toilet Paper Dilemmas Where’s the toilet paper police? Really Bad Sex And by the way, you won’t be needing that prophylactic Morning Breath He rolled over to give me a big juicy morning kiss and asked, “At what point during the night do you eat the shit balls?” Store Bought Fingernails Store bought fingernails look so divine / Even later on when you’re only wearing nine / They are sexy and sleek and help with romance… For the Love of a Real Man The love of a man, a real man, / Comes without reason. / It comes without guarantees. / It comes without rules. / It comes without heartbre… Domestic Goddess No one calls me domestic Goddess / No it’s never been said / Can’t cook, clean or water flowers / But damn, I’m good in bed! / Years … Why the Dust Bunnies Wait Dust bunnies often form / under beds and in corners. / I have neither time nor patience for / tending to such wild beasts!