I came home from the counsellor, the doctor sent me there
I still wasn’t speaking, I didn’t really care
You’d been gone a while now, and I was still a mess
I couldn’t face the questions, didn’t want to confess
The way you’d left me here after telling all our stuff
I nearly bloody joined you, I’d really had enough
Time had passed, my shock was subsiding
I opened the door, to where, I was residing
I thought it a joke, you couldn’t be dead
your writing, on a letter that I’d never read
All this time had passed. How could this be?
Then I saw that you had tried to get it to me
You’d posted the letter without a stamp,
so added a heartfelt plea,
‘please Mr postman hear my words
and deliver this letter for me’
Fate was unkind, it remained undelivered
until this fateful day
With shaking hands I tried to read
what you had to say
My tears fell. That was something new
For I hadn’t shed one tear for you
Speaking to me from beyond the grave
Asking forgiveness, your soul to save
Reading the words I began to fear
What if the police found this letter here
Everyone was still looking into what you had done
How could he kill himself, he was so much fun
Giving no warning that your life would end
Even making plans for next day, with a friend
But I knew the secrets and I knew why
You shouldn’t have left without saying goodbye
© RebeccaWeston 2009
Before the suicide note there was a Suicide Pact but I got left behind
I cannot go into the details which surround this suicide but I feel that I should add this, as I don’t want to cause upset to anyone. Suicide Pact and Suicide Note relate to myself and another person, he went through with it.
My whole life was turned upside down by his death. I was left with so much mess that everything I had worked for; self-respect, respect of others, position and financial security all came crashing down around me – I ended up with nothing!
It is for that reason that I refer to him as a coward. Also, I am writing about my feelings at the time that it happened and it is not unknown to be angry with the person for leaving you behind.
I will never know if it was brave to stay or brave to die, as I had a child to stay for.
These were not easy for me to write because it is not easy to admit that you had considered taking your own life.
Featured by Anger Management – 13 Jul 2009