“Non, je ne regrette rien,” sang the Sparrow.
I, however, regret much.
I regret I never realized until too late my own rough beauty,
for if I had I might have lived a different, better, braver life.
I regret the words I threw and cannot call back
that served no purpose but to hurt.
I regret the tunnel vision that kept me blind
to all that happened around me for too long;
for had I lifted my eyes from my own dark page and paid attention
I might not have lost that which I loved best.
But most of all I regret the absence of love –
not simply because a sandwich shared
is infinitely more satisfying than a banquet alone,
or because laughing at something genuinely funny
by oneself so often rings hollow,
or because I am afraid to be alone,
although the nights are long
and I smolder with passion unslaked,
but because it is a matter of survival.
I am brimming with my own liquid silver love to share.
It threatens not to evaporate but to drown me
should it overflow with no heart to receive it.
I see no taker and I see no point.
So let me choke on it, then, and be done.
This is the regret to which I will surrender.
© 2013 RC deWinter ~ All Rights Reserved
Regrets, mistakes and the the absence of love.