i scream sunday (one thirteen thirteen)

i think i’m finally going crazy
over the edge
bananas and nuts.
add whipped cream
to this dish of i scream
and you’ll have a toxic sundae.
a toxic sunday is what i’m having myself –
spoonafterspoonafterspoon
going down as fast as i can swallow:
doubt and fear and despair
abandonment and
o my fucking god desire
all lurking behind every sandbag
i shore up in my psyche.
am i worthy am i good
am i able am i doing what i should?
i have no clue.
advice flows in torrential waves
from every direction
setting me adrift on a floe of confusion.
i’m thinking waist down
waste down
because my head isn’t working anymore.
i don’t want rescue and don’t expect it.
i want hope and strength
been looking for it within and without
but the springs are bent
the mirror’s cracked
the road is foggy
and the nights are long.
i lie in bed curled in on myself
like those mummies they dig up:
legs together and bent in
arms crossed and wrapped around
my collarbone
hands hugging my shoulders.
there’s no one else doing it
so i have to do it myself.
enough.
enough.
throw a cherry on top of this mess
and call it good.

© 2013 RC deWinter ~ All Rights Reserved

i scream sunday (one thirteen thirteen)

RC deWinter

Fairfield, United States

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  • mmargot
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