© 2012 RC deWinter ~ All Rights Reserved
sitting here watching evening’s curtain fall,
my thoughts turn far inward.
i brood on wornout clichés:
why am i here?
what is my purpose?
there are no answers to these questions that haunt me,
at least none that have been revealed to me.
i ask them again and again, however,
because by all rights i should have been dead,
mangled and bloody, two years ago on the highway.
yet here i am, walking and talking,
but without a clue as to why i’m alive
when the person i loved most is not.
on sunny days, when things are going right,
i know who i am, anyway.
i have settled into the person i was born to be
and am happy, for the most,
with what i see when i examine myself
in the mirror of my heart.
some people don’t get me,
they see a jumble of contradictions,
but i know i’m only mysterious
to those who refuse to see with the heart.
but the artist has a restless soul –
at least this artist does.
i question and i fight the universe,
even when my mind says don’t – don’t do it –
and it’s almost always painful.
but strange moontides tug at me,
pulling me into those deep waters
where unfinished business lurks.
it can’t be helped,
even when the me i know knows better.
it’s a curse and yet a gift,
for when i can tread those waters calmly
i emerge in wisdom,
even when the gaining of it’s cost me dearly.
i am what i am.
i am who i am.
i am not unknowable
unless you refuse to look beyond
what your mundane senses show you.
look with your heart, if you still have one,
and you will know me.
© 2012 RC deWinter
Digital oils from an oirignal photograph shot on
West 47th Street, New York, May 25, 2012.
Tech specs: Photoshop, Filter Forge 3, a layer of
Sketchy Painting over a layer of VP5 Gothic Oils.