Engraved
Featured in Imperfectly 9/26/09
Featured in Lifeline 9/16/09
Engraved belongs to the following groups:
# 1 ARTISTS OF REDBUBBLE , ! Creative Writing & Poetry !, All Out Emotion, All Things Poetic, Artistic, Philosophical, Anger Management, Art & Dis(ease), Core [C.O.R.E], Creative, Talented, and Unknown, Freedom In Words & Art, Freedom to Shine, Gay Men, Imperfectly, Lifeline, Light In The Darkness, Masterpieces: Literary Workshop, Midnight Ramblers, Nirvana (Only 1 photographic art and 1 written work will be accepted per day ), The Art of Pain, The beauty of poetry, THE DARK CELL, The Healing Journey, The Word Tree, Vibration in Art and Verse - VAVoom! and WMGWith stick in hand I sit.
I scraped it against a stone to sharpen it.
I’m not allowed to play with pointy objects.
I sit for a very long time.
With eyes closed, I contemplate.
Should I do it?
I do it slowly.
I do it methodically.
I do it like I used to do it
before I realized
I had the strength to not do it at all.
I consider jamming it into my neck.
What are the odds of hitting my jugular?
I barely feel the pain as I dig
deeper and deeper.
Blood runs down these legs that
I hate so badly.
What is one more scar anyway?
I begin another cut.
This one is larger than the first.
I don’t feel it so I cut deeper.
I twist my homemade knife.
In doing so, I see the scars on my wrist.
I remember you my sweet, familiar friends.
How you too deceived me so.
I was so close that day.
So very, very close.
I sit and look at my creation.
I close my eyes again and promise myself
this is the last time I will do it.
This is the last time I will feel.
I open my eyes and
throw the stick into the woods.
My legs are untouched.
You do not have that power over me.
JRGarland
Wow, powerful write. You have captured the cutter’s heart well. Almost too well.
Cassidy JK (Ra... replied
He used to be a close personal friend. We’ve parted ways. Thank you JR.
Lisa Jewell
My Darling Friend,
I do hope this does not sound condescending….You have turned a corner. I sit here with so many emotions…that you have raised. In particular the prospect of reverting back to behaviour patterns that are untimely self destructive …in order to divert the pain. It sometimes would be so easy…
We do change and we do grow and we do strengthen….
I know you are hurting
I am just simply so glad you are not adding to that hurt by hurting yourself.
Much love,
xx
Cassidy JK (Ra... replied
Lisa, you could never be condescending. Thank you so much for your comment, for your support and for your friendship. I am not adding to it. Promise.
JamieLA
Ouch- I could feel the pain reading this.
Cassidy JK (Ra... replied
I think that’s good, right? Thanks Jamie.
rubyjo
inner strength is a beautiful thing
Cassidy JK (Ra... replied
It sure is Rubyjo.
raymondoantonio
POWERFUL. THAT FINAL LINE IS THE BUSINESS!
Cassidy JK (Ra... replied
Yes it is. Thank you Raymondo.
MarkezzAckui ...
THAT FINAL LINE IS THE BUSINESS. I agree with Ray. You are very strong…and I love your strength. Your very special you know. You do know that right? :))
How you too deceived me so…...that line sent a familiar chill up my spine..
Cassidy JK (Ra... replied
How I know it did my friend…a familiar chill. xoxo
Cassidy JK (Ra... replied
...and thank you. It’s people like you who remind me when I need reminding. I hope I do the same for you. Love you mister.
bluewhite
Thank God!!!!!!
Cassidy JK (Ra... replied
xoxo
BiographyofRed8
you have been here before, and stronger men have tried to bring you down.. this poem is a testiment to how far you have come sweetie. For one, it doesn’t hold anything back, is raw with the imagery, seeing it written out like that on a page, seeing the moment of contemplation, and then the resolve to come back even stronger, because you know, have always known, how strong you are
Cassidy JK (Ra... replied
Thank you Red. Your comment is appreciated and felt. It’s friends like you who help to reinforce that inner strength, and for that more than anything, I thank you. xoxo
Kristin Reynolds
FUCK, YEAH, Cassidy!!!!! yes! You are The MAN. as you know, via novella O’ KR I know all about this business – my arms and legs are covered in reminders of cutting to try to feel, or release the feeling…none of which ever worked, it actually felt very damn good…BUT, to NOT, is the heart of a fire breathing lion – you rock, my dear and i love you for it. :) you are strength incarnate. love, K xoxoxoxo
Cassidy JK (Ra... replied
I had to laugh at via novella. We sure can write those letters, huh? LOL.
I hate hearing that you know what I’m talking about, but I take comfort in knowing that you too understand and embrace that last line.
Love you Kristin.
veritasunsaid
POWER AND STRENGTH my finely scarred friend
.
Fuck the world of slices
because the world is full of suprises
yes indeed, the world cut-free
is such a wonderful place to be
Cassidy JK (Ra... replied
Thank you Alex. You’re right. It is a nicer place to be. I’ve cut and I’ve burned and I’ve done some other things I won’t mention…but it’s a much sweeter thing to not do it. MUCH sweeter.
RosaCobos
The pain advices of our life felt.
Pain unwonted drives away fro the source of love,
when not unwanted..pain in distress and distrust….of oneself.
I do not know….cannot step into your tracks…
not know….is that a crying out?
Is that something really felt..like a tribute of a reality inside?
Is there some of these wishes, to hurt and then curse damnation once more?
What do they gain?
Who are they…. anyway?
Rosa
Cassidy JK (Ra... replied
Thank you Rosa. My mind visits the past during current events, or sometimes in re-manufacturing the past, but I have unlearned bad behaviors and bad habits. This is not a crying out, it is a rejoicing of my soul in not doing what my brain told me to do. xoxo
colorblind
nice and well done my friend ….love to read your work …always a pleasure
it reminded me of my piece ….. Hope
Cassidy JK (Ra... replied
Thank you. I am truly honored. I remembered reading Hope, and commenting. It’s ironic that you should link it here, for in my original comment to you, I linked it to a piece that I’ve yet to repost.
linaji
Ohh I am so with Ms. Lisa Jewell.. this is incredible.. I love you dearest.. Just LOVE YOU.
Cassidy JK (Ra... replied
That love is received and returned to you twofold. Thank you Linaji.
Rebeladdict
THIS would have to be the most powerful piece I have read for a long time!
That last line is what I have to (force myself at times to) hold on to.
Sometimes I have it in both hands.
Sometimes I just have it by a hair…......................
Cassidy JK (Ra... replied
I’m glad you like it and can relate. I’ve done some pretty fucked up things to myself in the name of healing, as it sounds as though you have as well. There’s something so ironic in that.
Shoaib .
wow… powerful man
i am blown away
“I sit and look at my creation.
I close my eyes again and promise myself
this is the last time I will do it.
This is the last time I will feel.
I open my eyes and
throw the stick into the woods.
My legs are untouched.
You do not have that power over me.”
lot to be quoted there … and yes even though it came from you
its still a quote
great work
Cassidy JK (Ra... replied
Thanks Shoaib. I totally appreciate it.
KEITH R. WILL...
very nice
Cassidy JK (Ra... replied
Thank you Keith.
warmsoul
Wow! your writing is so powerful. You always evoke emotion in me when I read your writing.
Cassidy JK (Ra... replied
Thank you very much.
bill bell
Good to have you back :)
Cassidy JK (Ra... replied
Hi Bill. It’s quite nice to be back.
happyfeet5
Very nice work Cassidy. It is very well written. The only thing is the sadness and the hurt inside.And please don’t every hurt yourself so that the not only the others won’t win but do it for yourself and for us. You have loving friends out here and we are ready to help and hear you out.
Hugggggggs Iris
Cassidy JK (Ra... replied
Iris, I hear you and I thank you. I have made the promise to myself and therefore can make the promise to my friends as well. xoxo
janeymac
wow ! powerful !
Cassidy JK (Ra... replied
Thank you Janey.
Rick Williams
:-( so strong.
Cassidy JK (Ra... replied
Thanks Rick. Nice to see you.
Christie Moses
This one speaks to the very heart of me. The pain is real and the addiction to cutting is real. AMazing the way you express this so openly. Another I can relate to and thankfully have overcome. The voice in this has so much strength! I KNOW how hard it was to throw that stick away. Your writing is just beautiful and so is your heart xoxoxo
Cassidy JK (Ra... replied
I thank you so much Christie. I’m sorry that you understand too well. xoxo
Mark Peterson
Glad you chose to through the stick…when I was there no one chose to look…good on your expression and I’m glad they see it…maybe one day my voice will be heard as yours…congratulations!
Cassidy JK (Ra... replied
Mark, the only one who has to hear your voice is YOU, otherwise nothing comes out for anyone else to hear. I’ve learned this the hard way. Thank you for your visit and for your comment. Peace my friend.
happyfeet5
Thank you for your promise. It will make me feel better knowing you will keep it. xoxo Iris
Cassidy JK (Ra... replied
You know I will. xoxo
mikeyartscape
such honest and revealing emotions – to choose so much more than the sharpened stick – your courageous spirit reveals :)
Cassidy JK (Ra... replied
It’s taken time, but I think the light prevails. Thanks Mikey.
RosaCobos
So…then..I feel glad for you….
good!
Rosa
Cassidy JK (Ra... replied
xoxo
RebeccaWeston
I am so glad that you have moved away from this – you have taken back the control !! XX
Becca
RebeccaWeston
Here are a few hugs for you btw !!! {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ hug hug hug hug hug }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
They are much better for you XX
Cassidy JK (Ra... replied
Thank you. I will always take hugs. xoxo
DragonFlyer
I am in awe. You are so so strong… to move on from that place is such an incredibly hard thing to do… Congratulations from the bottom of my heart. An amazing piece of writing.
K xx
Cassidy JK (Ra... replied
Thank you so much for this wonderful comment.
Selkie
The validation of Imperfection...:) xo
Cassidy JK (Ra... replied
Honored. Thank you Zoe. xoxo
msdebbie 15 days ago
I find this such a powerful poem, and I loce the ending! Bravo Cass xoxo
msdebbie 15 days ago
Bleh – loce as yuo might guess means LOVE