Ok so I can’t sleep very well sometimes. And it’s back out of bed, and back to this computer to type my insomnia away before it eats at my pillow and then I’m left not only without sleep, but also with a sore neck. Tossing and turning trying to think of a band name that’s not trying too hard. And its pieces of toast with mounds of butter – just the way I like them, one after the other in the wee hours of the morning while I type hard enough to punch out the lights in my head. Go out damn it! I need my black out. And the milo’s staring at me from the corner of my mouth, but I know that too much milk this time of night is bound to give me ‘the panic’, especially on my period. The ‘time of the month’ in all its anxious glory of shedding old skins like a garment being ripped off me by a hurricane. And how do you choose a classy band name that your group will feel proud of when everything ‘word’ screams fraauuuuuuuuuud! I mean, I’m not anything I can put my finger on, let alone my name. An empty vessel most of the time. And before this thought even leaves my mouth I can feel the irritating gush of wind from rescuers approaching brashly. They think they need to save me from emptiness, but how do I make them understand it is the only way I can feel whole. To leave my name behind. To leave substance and self and pride behind. Just me breathing. That’s the way I really like it most of the time. Arghh these do gooders with their words of comfort ready to wipe the very skin off my face. Well all this typing seems to be working. I’m feeling tired. All that digesting of toast and butter is probably helping too. Funny that – I can put my thoughts into cyberspace and talk to some sharp mind somewhere without even knowing it, until a random comment confirms my shadow a day or so later. Funny thing the internet. Someone wrote about it earlier – another conversation behind mirrors. Heh.
Chinaski
Shadow confirmed.
Lisa Jewell
Insomnia the curse of the constant thinker….which leads me to question, I consider myself a thinker, yet I can fall asleep the moment my head falls upon the pillow. I take all my questions that lead to a labyrinthine of others, to my dreams…hehe..
Oh and toast with lashings of butter is tre delicious – albeit not so good for my overly round hips and thighs…
There are a lot of smarty bottoms all over the internet ready and raring to offer their pearls, holy dear gushing me that could be my new title – Internet Smarty Bottom.
I’m sure you must be wondering what all this is about, I woke freezing the fog stuck to me all the way into work, I walked through the doors and thawed into myself…and I feel light.
Good luck beautiful Xen with the band name….XOX
yt sumner
Ahhh… sister, do I hear you here.
I get all green over people that can sleep soundly.
Those that do it without nightmares, I want to punch.
careless rapture
another toast and butter fiend
Xen Pow
You are all soooo cute. My shadow feels all fuzzy and validated xxxx (one for each o’ ya)
Paul Rees-Jones
Ah to sleep or not to sleep…subconsciously I must think I am going to miss something…sigh…sleep, how I miss you….
: { )}
shaktipat
i truly feel what you’ve written. sleepness or awake, it’s the silence i can’t seem to find. well expressed.
pAgEdOwN
God, can’t believe how this speaks to me right now -so many coincidences here. I really loved that ‘in love’ poem of yours too. I think all the good stuff was already said on that post though—just wanted say I wanted to be on that ‘list’ as well… Didn’t ‘bearhat’ put something up about band names?