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White Trash

The Port Augusta Times 2007

HOWARD GOVERNMENT SHOWS ITS APPRECIATION FOR ART

Local gallery exhibits painted body art, including thumbs, wrists and the other four fingers at times. Gallery spokesperson says ‘This is a truly wonderful show, and we promise there are absolutely no rude bits. Using body art to reflect local artistes empathy with animals, especially birds, in paint and bits of fluff and shit. We are on the cutting edge of creativity with this exhibition’.

The Artistes are obviously attempting to reflect their opposition to the current Government-Interventionist movement. However, to counteract this new trend in artistic rebellion, the Howard Government is spending 12 billion dollars for the Artsy Fartsy Public Servant Department to establish a new website and committee.

The website will soon be up and running, the AFPSD committee members have diligently worked to get all stakeholders on board by June 30 2010, “An entirely appropriate time frame” says Pierre Dickwolloper, Chairman, “as in the interim there are of course other incomes available to starving artistes, for example Newstart”.

Amputate for Art is an exciting new development in post modernist perfectionism, not only will it enhance the lives of starving artists, who instead of having to eat their own limbs, can now paint them, amputate them and sell them all at the new one stop shop website. Mr Dickwolloper adds “We are so excited about this we have all wet our pants. Not only do we help promote art but we have established links with Australian Defence Forces who are currently overseas somewhere. Soldiers who are exploding overseas at the moment can look forward to retrieving their lost limbs, painting them and putting them on line for a profit. How thrilling is that? These brave chaps won’t need to queue in Centrelink for weeks after repatriation.”

Mr Dickwolloper adds that all his committee members now wear Depends, so that they can wet themselves on a regular basis, as the AFPSD now links into the WOG (Whole of Government*) Services provided to Indigenous clients. The committee will soon be visiting the AP Lands to advise clients on dot paint hands / feet. "This will certainly enhance the lives of traditional people, as they usually lose limbs to diabetes. Early amputation allows the kidneys to function much longer, therefore increasing the life span of some artistes to almost 30 years ".

reported by
Queeni the legless
Art Reviewer Extraordinaire

PS The *WOG (Whole of Government) concept to indigenous people is true

CAN YOU BELEIVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE REST IS ALL MADE UP, SO SUE ME

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