Question My Existence

Who is the poet and doesn’t even know it.
Fantastic Paul. Its incredibly done!

My pleasure Andrew and thanks for stopping by! :D

I still get totally in awe about people that are so at ease within themselves, ithink the are truely wonderful and I wish i could learn how to be more like them!

Thank you so very much Jeff! LOL!

I’m a poet but i rarely show it! LOL!

Paul, im going through that stage now and the words written echo exactly how i feel, but there is comfort in knowing that it eases with time. a fabulous piece of writing and comforting to know others have been through the same.

Hey there WitheringMoon!
The hardest thing is not to be too hard on yourself.
There is something beautiful in each of us, that’s a fact we just have to accept.
Peace, love, happiness and hugs to you!! :D

I agree PLV, coming to terms with who you are can be very difficult. I was mentioning this very thing to a friend the other day. I was telling them how I was teased mercilessly as a child and teen because I have a stutter (I know, you can’t tell I stutter when I’m typing!!) and it’s only been since I came to terms with who I am (ten years maybe?) that I have been able to move on…... and guess what….. my stutter is almost gone!
Mate, you’re NOT alone….

Paul, very poignant and heart wrenching writing….I still struggle to look into the mirror…

This verse is exceptional and I feel it to my core…

“So dry the tears off my disfigured face.
My name is the only clue to my identity.
Why I am and why I came,
I question my existence.
I’m sorry my presence repulses you.”

Thank you for sharing this treasure….you are beautiful..

You’re an absolute champion mate!
You are spot on, none of us are alone but it sometimes takes a while to realise this fact!
Thanks again Andrew!

Yikes!! Beautiful? Ummmmm still not sure about that LisaG! LOL!!
Thank you for your wonderful comment Lisa and deep down inside I know you are right. :)

now I’ll just walk past that mirror without letting out a loud shriek!
lol!

Paul I think its incredible that you put that into words like you did. Every one has it a little.
I am very impressed that you wrote this like you did. I am also very very glad you shared that with us.
Thank you Paul!

I think you can be more like you said above.”admiring people who are at ease with themselves” You have to love and live life like there is no tomorrow and really don’t worry about tomorrow or what any one else thinks. One day at a time and one step forward at a time being very confident with who you are. And to be honest with the way you worded that. You are an incredible person.

Another way to look at things is no one no matter who they are is perfect. Every single person has flaws. So if you think that way. Everyone is on an even playing field.
See you around Paul!!

You are a champion too Jeff!!
...and your words are full of real truths and greatly appreciated!_

Yep! I know what you mean ,I just barely passed a depression ,my friends are my photos now.

Paul, it is an incredible piece, extremely well written.

At a point you start looking at others and can only see there better side overulling your own.
It’s not a nice point to be at, glad you are through it.

Paul, these are very deep and emotional words. We all have gone through these feelings with regards to self acceptance and depression. I think that there does come a time in your life where you have to realize that you can’t be everything to everybody. You can be yourself and if others don’t like it well, then that is their problem. If you weren’t yourself then there would not be that unique perfect you. No one is like you so enjoy being who you are and what makes you unique. It shows through your art and I love seeing what new things you will put up because I can always tell your work. It shows your personality which I am sure is very kind. Be yourself and glad to know you my friend.
Keep on dancing around that computer! :)

very powerful full of angst, you were obviously at a heavy duty xroads in ur life, glad to see u on this side!!

hey pretty deep dark stuff paul just remember what dont kill you only makes you a stronger person im learning to try learning how to thrive on my anxieties at the present and things can get a bit manic but i just got to learn to use it as a tool to create something anything
good luck bro

incredibly powerful!!

Be yourself and the world be damned ! Works for me. Pour the anxiety into the lens mate.

Yes this is a very good poem. Beautiful short and bright sentences. There is a great transparancy in the words you write. The state of mind you describe is very recognizable. Great performance!

Heart-wrenching words carry so many feelings I’m sure many of us have experienced.
Glad to hear it’s not a issue any longer;)

God Paul!!! (I don’t even believe in one actually!!).....but….this is so profoundly full on….for want of a better comment…..I think that getting right into the centre of this ‘huge’ area you wrote about…brings you through it and out to the surface again…hopefully redeemed as you imply. I hope so anyway….your creativity and talent (when or if you are ever in doubt) should remind you of the sky being the limit!

A soul laid bare for all to read… Very powerful.

What a wonderful bunch of people there are on the bubble!
I’ve been shopping all day, went to the Strathcona art show, had dinner at my future in-laws and came home to find these words so generous and giving that i’m truly touched!
I’ve read each of your comments twice just to soak it all in!
Thank you, thank you, thank you all!
Michelle, Suzanne, Shanina, Flyboy, Mick8585, Deborah, banditart, bodymechanic, Susan, Michman and micmac!
Peace and love to all the above! :D

Paul…..very powerful words and heartfelt ;)

I hope you no longer suffer those pains. Self Image? No one looks hotter in a hockey jumper than you!! Great guy….with good people around you. Send you love ;)

Ah, received it!! Awwwww, you’re a gem! :D
Thank you LittleHelen!

Hey Paul, I’m sorry it took me a while to stop by here and read this. I found so much emotional resonance in this for me, because quite often I feel like an actor in my own life pretending to be someone I’m not, while underneath feeling, as you do, a complete disconnection from humanity that seems inconsolable amongst inner turmoil and doubt.

Well written my friend.

Thank you very much Chris.
It seems as though we are not alone with these feelings of insecurity and disconnection.
Those words quite often I feel like an actor in my own life pretending to be someone I’m not are quite profound Chris, i thought for a long time i was the only one on this large stage?! One day I’ll exit stage right and be relaxed for ever. My fiancee often jokes with me about my intolerance to others company (as i am a compulsive loner) and being an only child i sometimes think that it must have something to do with it.
Not long ago we went to a rememberence agthering at a church in Hawthorn and they were giving away free 2008 calenders with all the saints days marked out. Well, she and I burst out in a fit of giggles because we discoverd January 15th to be St. Paul The Hermit Day!!!!! She jibes me about that every chance she gets!!!!! hehehe!!

so moving…..
so touching…..
so sorry you once felt this…..
so glad that it is passing…..

So grateful that you stopped by photogenique! :D
Thank you for your kind words!

paul this is amazing. what is really amazing is to read someone else’s articulation of the exact way i have felt. with lines like ‘asphyxiation by depression’... and “barbituate redemption”...wow, you should feel confident next time you question the reason for your existence that at least one reason is to resonate with everyone else who is also questioning their own reason for existence. does that make sense?
i’ve been to this horrible black place and climbed out again. so glad you are on the way.

Thank you juliejulie!!
It makes perfect sense!
Once one has learned, that person must teach the others.
To serve my purpose.
If not then the lesson was wasted.

you’re an artist and a poet. shit, that’s enough reason to exist for anyone :-)

LOL!
You have a great point John!
Thank you for sharing that with me! :D

Paul, this is such an incredibly brave piece of writing to share solely for it’s honesty. I applaud you for your courage. Parts of this I think resonate within all of us.

Thanks Jess!
You are right, most of us feel alone when it comes to feelings of “unacceptence” yet there are so many of us that experience it in so many different ways.
It’s only once you open up that you find that you are not really all that alone.

Your exploration should never be looking down a gun-barrel. I love your writing , Paul, and need your valiant thoughts to carry us to a space of humanity we all look at in the mirror… every day! Such wrestling with past and present. Chi Lin said,”To revere the sacred and have disdain for the ordinary is like bobbing on an ocean of delusion.” This is a certainty… even if I don’t agree with everything he said. Life is as precious as it is fragile. Keep us on your side with your modesty and full-bore vigor. I applaud you and your work.