The alarm goes off and already I can feel its going to be one of those days.I wake up with an overwhelming feeling of restlessness…a feeling of impending doom. I climb in the shower, turn on the hot water, and let that pour over my body. I am practically begging for it to release the already rising tension within my body. Now, what would normally be on any other day a soothing..relaxing way to wake up, has now turned into a fight for air as the steam from the water rises to meet my face. Immediately I find myself bent down in the shower, gasping for air. Like I am in a room full of smoke , and there is a raging fire outside the bathroom door. I sit there trying to slow my breathing down…just trying to concentrate on one single breath at a time… fighting the urge to gulp at the air like a fish out of water. I manage to finish taking my shower,and get dressed for the day. I turn on the morning news as usual ,and sit down with my coffee as I look at what I need to get done today. As I am getting ready to walk out the door, a story comes on the television about some poor dog that had been killed by its owners. The dog was just too much work for them, so like it was a fish they could flush down the toilet..they stopped feeding it. Now everyday this would be a situation that would fill me with anger and sadness, but I would have been on my way for the day. Today I find myself lying on the floor with a box of tissue, telling Sophie(our golden retriever)that she will never have to worry about that, and I find myself crying with an intensity that is worrying Sophie. I think she was looking at me thinking my god woman…get yourself together. By this time almost an hour had passed….the box of tissue was used…and my face is swollen beyond recognition. I finally make it to the car, after stopping three times to make sure the doors were locked, and that Sophie had enough water. I turn on the car radio, but the music that I normally bee bop to down the road sounds painful…almost like a overbearing static hum….its finally at this point that I realize the panic has won the battle…I franticly look for a place to pull the car over…I know what is coming….As I sit in the car ,I try to find a lifeline to focus on…but everything crumbles like straws beneath my touch….An anguished cry pours out from someplace within my soul as the intensity of the attack washes over me…It is a wave I will have to ride out….I know the drill by now. Life continues on, and hardly anyone notices the woman in the car crying, trying to hold on to a grip of reality.
for anyone who has ever had a problem with anxiety or panic