"yer the Pooh is back ... missed the little shit aye"

Roscoe on his ‘first night’ was literally mingewhistling in his drawers,

(they were a bit grey and grimey and crusty as he had not been washing them too much lately and he only had two pair and the other pair was a bit crutchless in the front and back with his constant scratching as he was quite sure the it was a punishment from his patron saint, Saint Fulbright the Merciful, a slightly deranged saint that the Vatican had struck off for his various vices. (Roscoe’s mum reckoned that any saint that the Vatican had removed for reasons only known to them was good enough for her and good enough for Roscoe)

Roscoe was embarrassed by his ‘mingewhistling’ as it had caused the chorus girls to become all giggley and he even heard one say that she was ‘commerblasted with emotions. The electrician had received four shocks from the reeverb. The first three nearly killed him but he kinda liked the fourth one as he had not had a ’jolt’ like that since he was 15.

Roscoe was still unaware of his powers.

After the scantily dressed girl’s in the line had calmed down, one of them even had to ring her mother and ask various front bottomed questions, that even her mother could not answer, but asked, could she get some tickets for her and the rest of the girl’s in the sewing and vivisection circle of the local Catholic Youth Sorta Outta Organisation.

Roscoe will still unaware of his powers.

Author: Lucky bugger, if I knew what it was I would patent it and make a shitload of green, life so much serious green … ahh well, but I suppose if I just sit back and wait, all will be revealed …. but you understand, it will be MY DISCOVERY, so keep your mitts off.)

The afternoon of the night before his first performance Roscoe, was almost voiceless, he had tried gargling with small rocks, sand and turpentine, but that did not seem to work. He remembered what his dad used to do, so he walked the streets.

(Author: No not in the Alley of Sighs, but he had come across, no pun intended, a new twisting alley, The Alley of Ten Whispers and a Quick Grope and Bombay Fucked and Plucked Duck … sorta European with a undertone of Asian influences, but not as spicey as Indian, but with a mainly bland Malay backtaste, you know the one, like, it’s fantastic when you have it, but when you get back home, well, its a clusterfuck lol)

So Roscoe trolled the Alley of Ten Whispers etc and he collected discarded navel lint, vaccum cleaner dust, Zararelli Angel Hair Pasta #9, a clove of Turkish Garlic. Virgin Honey, (although where he got that from…. it’s a secret) and of course the main ingredient Wheezins Squeezins. He went back to his commode.

Author: May I just inform you all that Roscoe’s dressing room for the night’s performance at Mr Biggen’s …. erhm …. Spextacular … was really a commode. Now a commode is a place that visitor’s frequent to … well … do bodily functions and Roscoe was in it …. like, let me tell you … he was right in it … that’s if you get my drift)

The lights dimmed, a single light was on the stage and Mr Biggen himself came out to announce Roscoe, who was meanwhile, pissing himself, literally as his bladder was a bit weak at the moment.

“Nows, youse kno that I only have the best of intertainment for youse so let’s hear a round of plause for my latest find … shut the fuck up, youse pricks in the front or else. May I intraduce… Rosecoe The Magnificent, Thingwhistleish”

Roscoe died that instant, he knew his voice had gone on a holiday, his body had turned to jelly, his legs had deserted him, his willy went slack, his eyes went blank, the hair on his arse quivered, his ’girl pleaser went from an 8 to a 1 in under 4 seconds. His hands shook as he slid the black curtain apart and stepped onto the stage.

Yer, Pooh is back, missed the little shit aye. I have. Pooh @2011

"yer the Pooh is back ... missed the little shit aye"


Joined June 2009

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