Deck out your device with 15% off smartphone cases & laptop skins. Use code DEVICE15.

A Werewolf's Guide To Survival

I am a werewolf (well, I’m not entirely sure yet, but according to signs, I’m most likely to be one). But, even if werewolves are big, ferocious and powerful, they are also sometimes prone to danger themselves.
What if you were walking on the street one day, and then these bad characters show up & decide to kidnap you? How would you react? Would you let them get you? ….. Of course not. That’s a no-brainer. So, in this guide, I will be telling you on how to survive if ever you do get caught.

Kidnaps are often done in groups. So if you suspect or feel that you are being followed, run. This is the first step of protecting yourself. If, however, they catch up with you, and they are many, you will be surprised by the MANY things you can do.

The first thing they might do is to grab you by the arms & force you to go with them, if they have the chance. Whatever you do, DO NOT GIVE THEM THAT CHANCE!!! If they DO grab you by the arms, the first thing you’ll have to do is to SCRATCH THEM. This is important; it may help to free you. Long nails will work effectively, but newly-cut nails are good too, because of the sharp edges. If you did it and they let go of you, run for your life! And whatever you do, do NOT look back! Just keep running and run home straight away!

If you scratched them and they did NOT let go, the next thing to do is to BITE THEM. Bite them so hard that it will force them to let you go.

If they are pretty stubborn, stretch your legs a little bit and KICK THOSE GROINS OF THEIRS. Now, out of a 100% chance, there’s an 85% chance that they’ll let you go. I mean, imagine being kicked in the groin. HARD.

If they let go a little bit, run! If they still have you in whatever way, the next big thing to do is to PUNCH THEM, if you can.

If you can’t, TWIST THEIR ARMS!☺ It’s a simple but effective way to escape from one’s grasp! It might sound impossible, but if you get the hang of it, then that’s no problem. If they are holding both of your arms, twist your arms in a way that you’ll be holding THEIR arms in just a second after doing it. After that, you can kick them again, if they still don’t give up.

If your hands are free by now, but they still have you in whatever way, the big thing to do next is to PULL THEIR HAIR REALLY HARD. Tug at them as hard as you could, as if a carrot got stuck under the ground, or as if someone is hanging off a ledge and you’re trying to save them. Pull it SO hard that maybe a hair or two will actually be rooted out.

If they pat their head for a while and then grab at you again, HIT THEIR HEADS WITH EACH OTHER. Pull one’s hair with your right hand and another one’s with your left hand and clunk them with each other!

Or, better much, GRAB ONE’S HAIR AND THROW THEIR HEAD AT A NEARBY WALL (if possible, and if you’re desperate enough to try and do it).

If for some strange reason they still do not let go, do these simultaneously, at random, and continuously. One or two of these SHOULD work. If it does, run for your life. Or, if they are weak enough, bring them straight to the police and have those rats thrown in jail!

I DO have some Tips and Warnings for you, though!

WARNING!

Most kidnappers don’t come empty-handed. They might hold you back with a knife or a gun. If they DO have weapons, do NOT attempt to fight them! Just think of a way to escape, but think QUICK!!! If they load you in a car or van or something, it might be too late. But never lose hope. Think of a way to escape! If you can, try to snatch the weapon(s) away from them. Then use THAT to escape. But be cautious! You never can tell with kidnappers.

EXTRA TIPS

Of course, you can’t know exactly if you will be approached by kidnappers or not. You don’t know when. You don’t know where. So you have to be prepared in advance. Always bring with you a bottle of tear gas or perfume. If you’re feeling a little bit too worried, bring a small saw with you. No kidding. Besides, you won’t know. A saw is more bigger than a knife. That might stop kidnappers a little. You can also bring finely sharpened pencils, scissors, and forks to poke them with. If you have teeth, that would also work fine, too.

If the kidnappers don’t have any weapons of sorts, you are free to fight them, if you can. If you can’t, SCREAM for help!

More tips. If you are really putting up a big fight, you may want to intimidate the kidnappers. That might stop them a little from trying to get you again. You can say big stuff like these:

If you don’t let go of me now, I’ll let you have it! Because you picked the WRONG person to mess with! Just try to do what you want to do, and you will get a piece of my mind!
Don’t make me hurt you! Because if you EVER try anything nasty, I won’t let you go THAT easily!
If you’re doing this for money, then you might as well go to hell! Because it’s YOUR fault in the first place that you don’t have any money, because you’re not trying hard enough! You think money is easy to earn? Well, think again! You’re not going to get it just like that, you have to WORK HARD FOR IT! It’s YOUR problem, so DEAL with it! Don’t bother other people and never blame others with your rotten work!
You MAY escape from the police….but when you die, you will NEVER escape from hell!
You like hurting people, you big bully? Why don’t I hurt you??? Let’s see how YOU like it!

MORE Tips. The trick here is to show the kidnappers that you’re the WRONG person to mess with! You just don’t become aggressive and slash at them to no avail! Plan your attacks right, fight for your safety’s sake!

All of these attacks and stuff may seem too violent, but you will just HAVE to do them to survive! Unless you want to die, of course. T_T
Another No-Brainer.

Currently unavailable for purchase


A Werewolf's Guide To Survival by 


This is a guide on what to do if ever you become a victim of kidnapping. Good luck, and follow/remember every bit seriously! You’d need it!

Comments

  • S .
    S .almost 4 years ago

    hahaha awesome !!! i so needed this :)

desktop tablet-landscape content-width tablet-portrait workstream-4-across phone-landscape phone-portrait

10%off for joining

the Redbubble mailing list

Receive exclusive deals and awesome artist news and content right to your inbox. Free for your convenience.