Somewhere along the seam of dawn a violet peal of thunder escapes and rumbles towards the milky sun. She stirs in her bed, under layers of feathers, warm and still with the toasted scent of sleep. As the first drops of rain hit the roof, building in the rhythm of their staccato beat, she rolls in her slumber and threads her fingers softly and gently between her legs, remembering mornings when he’d woken her once the same way.
She makes herself banana pancakes for breakfast; eats two with maple syrup and butter and throws the rest away. She couldn’t finish them on her own and in the fridge they would only have gone mouldy. She loves cooking them for the sheer pleasure of watching them turn golden; piping hot, steaming and melting butter and syrup into treacle streams. She licks her lips and remembers the depth of his kisses, urgent and dark with the ache of wanton hunger. He said he loved the way her mouth tasted like autumn and cream.
She sits at the kitchen table and watches the ocean outside. The surface is so still and silent, she thinks she can hear the fins of silver fish swimming through salt and sea. Her eyes glaze over. She imagines them draining of colour the same way storm clouds empty the sky of blue. There is something about the world after a storm that comforts her. The serene brush strokes of grey, that paint life in pebble and stone leaving nothing in black and white, validate her; the sky is steel, the ocean silver, the sand a fine dust of charcoal. Fingers of salt creep into the house through a sliver under the front door. They inch over her skin and tickle her tongue in tart mouthfuls. She always succumbed to the delightful warmth of his hands.
Maybe she’ll go out there today, she thinks.
Maybe she’ll pull a fleece hood over her head, tuck her headphones into the shells of her ears and go hunting for driftwood on the shore. Her collection surrounds her. She likes to imagine that she is growing her own forest of wood the colour of smoke, broken down into pieces, into seeds, set adrift from faraway places: snowy gullies in Russia, dark valleys in Turkey and dappled Irish glens. There is, of course, a story for each piece that lines her windows and shelves: the etched lines of his eyes, the knots in his heart, the knubby callous of his woodwork hands. Sometimes she gathers her collection together in an iron bowl and sits staring at her smoke-coloured pieces of wood with a lighter and bottle of kerosene by her side. It’s never come to that though; she ends up on the floor unpacking each piece, trying to smell the scent of seeds and growth and forests full of rich golden bark and fresh green leaves.
Maybe she’ll go out there today.
Maybe today’s the day.
Maybe she’ll find the piece she’s been looking for, the piece he carved and set adrift at sea to show her the lines and etchings and knots back to his woodworker hands.
copyright © 2009, Holly Ringland.
Jessica Tremp
this makes me ache in its beautiful, beautiful chrome melancholy
x
Holly Ringland replied
oh gorgeous you… thank you for reading my favourite girl of whimsy xx
Astoreth
Holly….I can never understand why your writing touches me so deeply….this is beautiful beyond compare and really spoke to my heart and soul….xxxxxx
Holly Ringland replied
truly sweetheart, the sheer thrill of knowing how you feel my words just does not wear off. i’m so pleased these spoke to you and am so, always am so, pleased you enjoyed the read. thank you xxx
Luke Downes
thats probably the most beautiful opening line i’ve ever read on the bub. i can only do it justice by saying i wish i’d have written it!
Holly Ringland replied
luke, all i can do to respond to this one is curtsey. and grin. like a grinning giddy idiot. thank you so much… what a cracker of a compliment. thank you.
Jess Andrews
mt heart swelled reading this, it’s beautiful
Holly Ringland replied
thanks lovely jess, my heart swelled to write it too… thank you for reading my work.
Lisa Jewell
Exquisite…. from the first line through to the last…..
This piece left me breathless…
Holly Ringland replied
breathe honey, breathe xx exquisite is such a lovely word, and you make me all happy and wriggly with delight when you use it to describe my work. thank you so much darling ms g xx
jcmontgomery
This reminds me of when I lived next to the ocean. It has made me miss it so much that not until now did I realize that a part of my soul never left and it’s calling to me.
Not sure I should bless or curse you for making me ache so.
Perhaps both.
I see a trip in my future. As soon as this damn snow goes away, I will go looking for driftwood, and that quietly fill that hole which has been slowing growing since I left.
Lovely dear. Just lovely.
Holly Ringland replied
bless me and curse me darling jo, i don’t mind at all… especially if i’m in any way responsible for waking you up to somewhere you’ve been dreaming deeply about and aching for, for so long… what an enormously beautiful comment to receive in response to my work. thank you so much. send me a postcard okay? xxx
ShadowDancer
I’m running out of adjectives, dear one, to describe how wonderfully perfect are the words that you string together… your pen is a cultivator of rose colored pearls. This story, this moment you have captured for us, is as magical and rare as the phenomena of natural pearl oysters.. luminescent and begging to be owned. Bravo, beautiful Holly. Bravo.
Holly Ringland replied
goodness you gorgeous thing… i think we should post this on its own… luminescent and begging to be owned... golly miss peej, you are entirely too divine in your responses to my writing. with all my heart i thank you though, because there’s nothing quite like knowing that someone else feels words as much as you do xxx
Rebekah Anderson
This gave me tingles. So sad! It tugged directly on my heartstrings. How do you always manage to do that???
Holly Ringland replied
bek, i just don’t know… i’ve genuinely been trying to think of an answer to that question… and the only thing i can come up with is that when i write i feel like i’m inviting whoever is reading to climb on into the narrator and live, breathe and feel as someone else for a while. it’s probably the biggest thing i worry about i guess… not creating a voice in my work for people to empathise with… but you’ve cinched that for me here. so thank you sweetheart.
natapee
I totally agree, what an incredible opening line.
Holly Ringland replied
thanks so much sweet girl. you know i love to know what you think of my words :) xx
Genevieve Robey
incredible. I felt part of that from start to finish … i could almost taste the banana pancakes and maple syrup that she made, could see the ocean that she saw and started contemplating searching for driftwood. this character seems very self aware and knows what things give her enjoyment, and so it gives hope to the melancholy i think. and yes that opening line …wow. you’re very talented.
Holly Ringland replied
gen, i really value this feedback, thank you very much. i’m particularly delighted with your insight into the hope given to the melancholy… spot on! i am really humbled that you’ve enjoyed this and i very much appreciate your comment here. thank you.
Brad MacDuff
I’m running out of adjectives to describe your writing Holly. This latest is just… well… I’m a babbler, and you’ve struck me speechless….
Holly Ringland replied
being the nattering little bird i am brad, i know what it takes to render me speechless… so i really reeeeeeally appreciate what you’ve said here and am entirely chuffed to know that it’s because of my work. lovely of you to say, thanks.
lianne
I must get in line behind all these others whom you have struck speechless Holly – this is a rare and profoundly evocative work of art. Though from you – not rare at all. Hauntingly, achingly moving and as beautiful as anything I’ve ever read.
Holly Ringland replied
oh hullo gorgeous you… thank you thank you thank you so much. it brings me more treasured pleasure than i can articulate to imagine you in your space reading my words lianne… and one day, honestly, i will try and pen how encouraging and supportive your comments are and what they mean to me. thank you darling heart xx
butchart
absorbing emotions from the written word is a wonderful feeling…. when i read yours they saturate my senses and kidnap my spirit into the worlds you create….. this morning you took me to the sea… i thank you for that…... and i stay in awe of your gift…...........b
Holly Ringland replied
b…......my words took you to sea….that is one of the coolest things i’ve ever heard. thank you with all my heart. and thank you for being a willing hostage. it means a lot to me that you read my work.
mimi yoon
holly… i woke up a few hours ago to a beautiful sunny day with cerulean sky of california… though as i read this, i had to wake up all over again to the music of rain that i love so much and to his gentle touch… i don’t cook, but i made banana pancakes this morning and ate two as she has… licked my lips and tasted his kisses… i see the ocean outside my window that is not there… the storm has left last night, but i bring it back and paint deep slate storm on my windows… and i find myself smiling…
you paint soooo beautifully, holly…. with your words….
i really do wish to write like you… : )
Holly Ringland replied
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa mimi! how do i possibly respond to this incredible response of yours? i hope the banana pancakes were sumptuous, beautiful painter of my heart. this really truly positively made me smile. thank you.
Cassey
Stunningly touches all senses through words.
Holly Ringland replied
hey cassey… thank you very much for reading… i’m really happy you found stunning in these lines. thank you.
bellmusker
she thinks she can hear the fins of silver fish swimming through salt and sea
My girl of the holly, if words like these are your starting point, I can only imagine what magic you’ll be producing after the degree. I just can’t wait. Remember the broomstick darlin’....I mean every word. x x
Holly Ringland replied
oh you… my girl of bells… i’m hardly in danger of forgetting. i remember every day… it’s seriously tattooed in me xxx
Paul Compton
Oh…......that last paragraph made me swoon. Magic Holly x
Holly Ringland replied
paul! swoon is one of the most fabulous words in existence… i am completely beside myself to know you felt it here. thank you thank you thank you xx
mstrace
I smell and taste and feel and see things in vivid, luscious, technicolor detail every single time I read your work. You weave words into recipes ripe for the eating.
I feast on them. Oh how I do.
Holly Ringland replied
and i LOVE that you do trace… my heart skips a beat when i get your feedback, i love knowing that my words have travelled to your world and laid out a feast for you to devour. thank you so much… you are one wonderful woman, i tell ya xxxxxxx
Leon Walker
This is just wonderful work!!!
Cathal . 22 days ago
having read this I feel like I’ve been to see a silent movie and want to go back and see it again!
or maybe it’s a written dance, either way it was just lovely. Brilliant.
kamahl-o-koala 3 days ago
such a vivid evocation of the ocean and the life within its reach, I loved it. I could suddenly imagine all sorts of driftwood and the imagined memories they might contain. A very warm and sensual morning breakfast, I’m hungry for pancakes now. mmm