Both Sides

It’s no fun to be loved from both sides. When every decision will break someone’s heart. I understand now why we crawl into caves and never want to come out. Why we want to hide until it’s over.

I can remember being miserable, undesired, transparent. I gave up after trying again and again. I could only throw myself into the wall until I became a bloody pulp. And so I collapsed in a pile, bleeding and wounded and weak and unable to go on. The thing is, more than anything, I had wished to find the strength to throw myself one more time. But I didn’t. That was it. I was burned out.

And I carried my mess away even though it killed me. I forced myself to be happy, to find happiness. Happiness was there waiting for me. I didn’t even need to look. I was saved, and I had saved myself.

But it’s no fun to be loved from both sides.

It’s no fun to be asked hard questions that you thought were distant memories.

Would I ever go back? The odds are against it. But the decision is more than simple odds and figures and pros and cons. It is more than “should do” and “have done.” It’s my heart I’m playing with here, that I’m twisting in a sweaty shaking palm.

It’s no fun to be loved from both sides

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love sucks
I didn’t proof read this, sorry

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love

Comments

  • Krisso
    Krissoover 6 years ago

    Very true and very well written! Nice work!

  • LostBoy1
    LostBoy1over 6 years ago

    better than being hated from both sides…but i hear ya :)

  • WarOfTheRoses
    WarOfTheRosesover 6 years ago

    yeah i’ve been there, hard work, carrying the weight of it.

  • Kym  Breeze
    Kym Breezeover 6 years ago

    Interesting reading, great writing….guess the truth lies within, know thy self and go forward…..

  • Outdoors2
    Outdoors2over 6 years ago

    Good writing
    Love ourselves More

  • Lisa Utronki
    Lisa Utronkiover 6 years ago

    Well thought of and written. Tis refreshing to read that happiness was waiting. I really enjoyed reading this…

  • mindylynn
    mindylynnover 6 years ago

    this is beautiful, and i think i know where your coming from in this writing, its amazing.

  • Per Ove Sleen
    Per Ove Sleenover 6 years ago

    Love needs to be portioned….? By who…??
    A wonderful piece Jo.
    I very much enjoy reading stuff where you can fill in the missing parts for yourself. It makes for very engaged reading for my part.
    What could be interesting at one point, is to take a piece like this (ore an abstract painting/drawing/photo) and then have everybody come up with their own interpretation in the form of a small written piece together with a painting, drawing ore a photo.
    I bet that would bring out a lot of cool writing and art.
    Then when all was said and done, the original author/painter/photographer told us what she/he had been writing/painting/photographing…..

    I’m so glad I have somewhere to put all this bullshit I’ve got in my head…..
    Thank you RB and the other 50.000 participants here, I think of you every day, and all you have to go through only because of me…. you all rock big time….

    POS

  • clone42
    clone42over 6 years ago

    I agree and identify with this on so many levels.
    I like levels.
    I like onions too.
    Onions have levels.
    Um, yeah.
    You wanna know what I think?
    I’ll tell you anyway – let them all love. I’ve never been one to know duplicity – variety is the spice of life, and love it’s sugar.
    Eat up – Viva la Dolce Vita!

  • bellmusker
    bellmuskerover 6 years ago

    “It’s my heart I’m playing with here, that I’m twisting in a sweaty shaking palm.”

    I don’t envy you your turmoil Jo, but I do know that your heart is pretty damn strong, despite the twisting. Don’t ever lose sight of that. Full strength to you, my girl.

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