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lies, all lies

There was this never ending silence that kept punching me in the gut. It was as though someone had tied me to the chair and set the room on fire. The panic welled up in me, threatening to burst out, a torrent of vomit. How was I supposed to answer?

I did the knee jerk reaction thing… again.

“Don’t be silly. Of course not”

What a weak arse lamo I am today. Couldn’t even admit it. Who cares if she knows? Who cares if she cares? If she is my friend she will respect me for whoever I am, whatever I do. This shouldn’t be so hard.

Oh well. Another stupendous stuff up under my belt. Some more self flagellation for the heck of it. Off I go. Back to that perfectly normal heterosexual life I left behind. Sometimes I embarrass myself from being so weak. Sometimes I’m just angry. It’s all the same. It’s all lying. Who will I lie to next? Them, or me?

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Comments

  • Lisa  Jewell
    Lisa Jewellalmost 7 years ago

    Great ending question…..I’ll get back to you with an answer……..

  • greeneyes
    greeneyesalmost 7 years ago

    what is it that is so important that ‘she’ knows?

    if she is a true friend she will forgive ‘whatever there is to forgive’

    and yes nice double entendre at the end

    just always be aware of the notion of what are they projecting and what are they gaining!

  • shall
    shallalmost 7 years ago

    Well I can so relate to that Jo…( my advice.. for what it’s worth!) Surround yourself with amazing women .. and your journey will be easier, freer and oh so worth it.. Liberation is a destination that can be achieved.. it can be ours! Shall x

  • MissKristy
    MissKristyalmost 7 years ago

    Ohh yeah..well done Jo. You’ve expressed in this piece what so so soooo many struggle with. Brilliant writing.

  • Jason Moses
    Jason Mosesalmost 7 years ago

    I won’t say I know how the above feels, but it can be frighteningly difficult to be honest about sexuality. Hopefully the bad, old days are on the way out.

  • Tom Broderick IPA
    Tom Broderick IPAalmost 7 years ago

    cool with me. tom

  • photos40
    photos40almost 7 years ago

    Always remember " TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE" & to hell with everyone else. YOU……… are the person that you should care about most where your feelings are involved. Stunning work. Very well done.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Boadicea
    Boadiceaalmost 7 years ago

    The angst, the frustration with the effort of just being. You’ve expressed it so perfectly

  • Holly Werner
    Holly Werneralmost 7 years ago

    That was excellent work Jo. Your ease of expression is refreshing.

  • fillette
    fillettealmost 7 years ago

    You’ve described exactly how I feel somedays! Beautifully expressed Jo.

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