Every story has an ending. The part where everything comes together, the moral becomes apparent, the characters are ready to move on, and the crisis has been averted. We look forward to the ending, to that sense of completion, satisfaction; to knowing that from here on in, it’s a different story and we have achieved something by getting this far.
But what happens when your ending won’t end?
It’s been around three years now and I love him more every day. Back at the beginning things were faster and crazier. We were always running, always cramming life into the time we had together. Back then, everything was about beginnings. We’d find new cafes to drink coffee at, new theatres to watch plays at, new clothing to dress up in, new houses to live in, new ways to look at each other, new topics to discuss at length… Life was just one big beginning.
But all beginnings must come to an end.
We settled into a different home, bringing with us all the furniture that had once been new. We found new cafés, just like before. We found theatres and restaurants, again. We’d dress up in new clothes, like every other time. The beginnings had gone on for so long that they had become the middle.
The middle had its perks. We could finish each others’ sentences. We could rely on each other being home at a certain time. We could surprise each other for birthdays and Christmases. We could plan for the future and know that we were on the same page. Being in the middle was comfortable. Life was just one big middle.
But all middles must come to and end.
We knew each other so well that we didn’t need to speak any more. We ate at the same places every week. We wore the same clothes every day. We were so confident in our routine that neither of us would dare break it. We were so in love that we would sacrifice anything for each other. Anything new, anything middle, became everything to avoid.
And then the middle became the end.
The end has its perks. We don’t expect anything from one another any more. We don’t get upset when we realise life is boring or dull. We are living our dreamed plan for the future. The end has its perks. I don’t have to buy new clothes any more. I don’t have to organise trips to the theatre or the beach. I don’t have to tell him where I’ve been all night. The end has its perks. We know each other so well that there is nothing left to explore. We love each other so deeply that there is no more passion to draw out. We love each other so fully that there is no life left outside the two of us.
And so it keeps on ending, without ending.
kseriphyn
For me, I think an “ending” is a perception; nothing really ends it only changes. That’s just me.
Excellent piece of writing by the way. Very real.
gaypony
new beginnings come from an end, so there fore, is there an end afterall, or just a new beginning?
Jessica Tremp
hmmm, but this could just be your new middle and maybe beginnings come again, before there being an ending.
sorry to sound cynical, but in my experience, the endings have always come very abruptly and smacked in the face, i therefore don’t trust my ‘middles’ anymore.
Jo O'Brien
I’m very quickly realising that this feeling is not as common as I first thought, or I haven’t communicated it clearly enough! You know, that feeling where you can see the end coming and coming, and coming. But it never quite gets there? Maybe I’m the only one? Almost like when you’re stuck watching a really bad movie and want to get the hell out of there. Or as in the saying “a watched pot never boils.”
I’m a big believer in ‘one man’s ending is another man’s beginning’ but I also know the that the feeling of an eternal ending can be all consuming.
Jessica Tremp
oh yes, i do know that feeling only too well…but i even find sometimes when watching the water boil for hours it seems, it only takes a second for me to turn my back on it and it’s almost overflowing…do i make any sense at all :S
Jessica Tremp
by the way jo, i too find myself in an always ending neverending ending
Jo O'Brien
You make perfect sense!
Maybe the trick is to learn to look away from life for a minute?
Jessica Tremp
yeah, but it’s soo daunting, you don’t want the house to go on fire while your pots boiling do you
Anne van Alkemade
There is beauty in your words but somehow they have a dark and sad shadow. And I feel there is no such thing as an end from the individual’s perspective or consciousness. Paradoxically, waiting for an end is an end in itself. Are you sad?
Jo O'Brien
Oddly, no I’m not sad. (Though I can see how you’d guess that from reading my short stories!)
I’m just curious about people and why they feel what they do. I’m curious about people in general. I we are often scared of endings. People seem to have a need to believe that there is always more to come, and that if they have to accept that there is an ending, that there will be a new beginning too. I find this facinating and have enjoyed the comments more than my original story becuase in a lot of ways, they make that exact point. And I love what you said about ‘waiting for an end is an end itself.’ You’ve hit the nail on the head right there I think.
illicit
baby..I don’t know what to say….in fact I’ll just call…
davoid
Hey Jo.
Enjoyed your writing.
I was interested in the responses. It seems some people are tending to associate your writing with you personally, ie. as if it is autobiographical.
I’ve been interested in astrology for years which being Earth-centric has a lot to do with cycles and phases. The most obvious are the phases of the moon: new, full, dark. The same cycle is found in the Zodiac signs when grouped into the 4 elements: fire, earth, air and water.
Fire: Aries (cardinal or beginning), Leo (fixed or maintaining) and Sagittarius (mutable or dissolving).
Earth: Capricorn, Taurus and Virgo.
Air: Libra, Aquarius and Gemini.
Water: Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces.
So what I’m leading to is that if you have a mutable sign in the three main ‘planets’: sun, moon and rising, this may relate to the feeling you describe.
The other thing that comes to mind is that in religion and/or philosophy e.g. Buddhism, there is the belief that although we live and die in a cycle, it exists in an eternal reality (it never began and never ends). So essentially in Buddhism, perceived reality is an illusion of the mind.
When Buddhists meditate they are letting the eternal mind emerge. Sort of like tapping into the eternal reality where everything just is.
Something to ponder.
Charles Dobbs ...
I really enjoyed reading this piece.
Cliff Vestergaard
How will I guy like me get my stuff in your art gallery cliff_vestergaard@hotmail.com
AmandaWitt
I’m finding it hard to label this piece of writing as any particular genre – I’ve got stories/ poems that I never classify because it’s just too hard.
Perhaps it could be considered as ‘the unknown of life’ type of thing, going round and round in circles… I really don’t know.
Jo O'Brien
Stream on conciousness perhaps? That’s kind of how it came out.
LostBoy1
Everything has an end, but to end as friends can be Zen…
We must bend like willows in the winds of life, smell the flowers and dance on the knife.
Life can be shitty but but also fun…always looking for the elusive one….
or two or three, I`m a freak is me!!!
nice writing Jo…(i rarely read stuff on here)
Jo O'Brien
I’m very flattered LB
Dragoncat
That just reminds me , One of my FAVORITE coffee shops just recently came to an “end”
I am still in mourning over that, a lopt of people are going to miss that place, it was a place where coledge students did thier homework, and people would play chess or other games.. the coffee shop owners were pretty easy-going they were so hospitable , you didn’t have to even buy anything to hang out there, It was sad to see them go, I understand that they moved somewhere else halfway across town to the new / modern industrial complex, where there are various bakery type places , and they have their main roasting operations over there, they are unique, in that they roast all of their coffee on premises
or nearby at least.. so it’s always fresh… I will miss that place so.. as will many others, but they are still around, just further away…
Dragoncat
yes nice story.. I’m sorry if I sometimes ramble on about other things… I don’t mean to detract from your story, only maybe add to it?? well great story!!
Jo O'Brien
You only weird me out 50% of the time :)
I’m glad my work gets you thinking.