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It's Goannaman!

Who’s that… in the bushes? Steve Irwin? Russell Coight? No… it’s Goannaman!

We escaped over the weekend… went bush with the kids (well, minus one who couldn’t get the time off work). It’s one of those lovely lost and leafy spots that I’ve wanted to visit for so long… but more about the place some other post. This one is specifically to point out that some people can be rather silly… even without the aid of alcohol.

We returned from a morning hike to find our rubbish had been raided. There were bits of plastic and paper strewn around, and it didn’t take us long to discover the culprits… Goannas… three of them.

“Ooh, they’re cute,” gushed Miss 14 (or should I say 15thisyear), “can we take one home?” (Miss 14 is a reptile freak, and has been hassling us for a snake (or lizard if we won’t let her have a snake) for several years now).
“No, you can NOT!” replied the mother (such a meanie). “Apart from the fact that you can’t just keep a native species… reptile or not… the bastards have big claws and sharp teeth. They’ll climb up your leg if they get a fright, and rip it to shreds in the process… and besides, their mouths are disgusting. If it bites you, you’ll get septicemia, or something.”

This led into a long ranting (but informative) story of how I learnt to shoot at the age of around 6 or 7. At the time we lived on a cattle station in west Qld, and it was my job to look after the chooks. This meant collecting the eggs, feeding the chooks, keeping the predators out, and patching up the fence when they did get in. About the only predators we really had to worry about were foxes and goannas… neither of which are very pleasant if you come face to face with them. Hence, I learnt to shoot at a relatively young age. The foxes were easy, it was the goannas that proved a challenge. Their skin is tough and wrinkled, which would bounce the bullets off… leaving them slightly annoyed… if that happens, RUN… they know who did it… and they’re quick. The trick to killing them was to get them in the soft spot just behind their ear, aiming into the skull towards the brain… and that’s today’s lesson.

No, it’s not… today’s lesson is on listening to others… and thinking carefully before acting.

SOMEONE… we won’t say who… decided that he should show the kids how to feed a goanna. Hmmm… isn’t that a bit silly, dear? Didn’t you hear what I just said?? About the teeth and the septicemia? It’s probably not the best thing to show the kids, don’t you think?? But no… Crocodile Dundee here just HAD to have a go… so despite the idea not being the best (in my books, at least) I grabbed the camera. I certainly wasn’t going to miss out on this opportunity. I’ll admit, it looked really cool the first time…

Even the second and third… keep those fingers tucked away now…

And then he decided to offer the beast the little bit of meat that had stuck to his thumb. Stupid, stupid, STUPID! Or… as he puts it (after the fact though, mind you)… he just wanted to show the kids that goannas really do have teeth… and they’re sharp. What better lesson could they get? Good idea, baby… what a brainwave!

So far so good with the septicemia thing…

It's Goannaman!


Joined January 2010

  • Artist
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Artist's Description

I was looking through one of my old blogs recently and found this entry. I find it humorous, so I thought I might share.

DO NOT be so stupid as to try this…


Artwork Comments

  • FlaminFledgling
  • PhoenixArt
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