What of now, you meandering lostie?
All is gone, so changed
The sadness is a blanket of destruction:
The fading soul that once was fullness:
A haemophiliac’s punctured vein.
Tie me to the cross before you nail me;
My flesh is rotting on my powdered bones.
Fond memories turn to bile, not honey’s sweetness;
The curse of eras with no chance to atone.
‘Is it really fair’? you say to yourself
Is what really fair? The fact that you’re alone now?
The fact that no one’s left to grieve?
- what a trite line!
Spit upon the mirror that reflected happier times:
Take your curses out on self-hate,
And uninteresting rhymes.
Goggle at the fiendish splendour of vain utterances,
And fuck yourself a million times;
Fate is just your whipping boy and scapegoat,
And Reality the spawn of all your Crimes!
Was unsure if ‘Lostie’ was a word, but it is there in the Urban Dictionary, though horrified it means a fan of the TV show ‘Lost’, like a ‘Trekky’ is a Star Trek fan. I did see the show once or twice to look at Evangeline Lilly who captivated me: I’m certainly not that sort of ‘Lostie’.
1. Someone who gets confused easily or unable to give reasons or explanations to something obvious or able.
2. It can also mean a person who mentions something then suddenly loses focus at what was being said or unable to cope or understand the situation or meaning.
And these seem more to the point, even if not quite.
Obviously I was not very happy with myself when I wrote this, and happily wallowing in self pity and recriminations. Such a waste of breath and time!