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Sinn by pauldrobertson

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Bitumen and Oils on canvas 90 × 60cm
I gave this to my girlfriend.

Sinn is her name.

She is an angel.

I wrote on it a distortion of a biblical quote, scratched into the paint the sharp chewed end of a paintbrush -
“Take this as a seal upon thy heart,
as a seal upon thy arm
for love is strong as death.”

I am awed and stunned by wonder and wonder again… I cannot find my breath my words are drowned in the roar of my body’s thunderous, bloody rush. And to -

to have my arms (so wreathed and flush and boiling with desire so weak with want) hold her body hear your heart share your warmth
as she sleeps; the arc of her cheek is the most beauty I have trembled before.., the sweetened exhalation of her breath
skin so real so
warm
and
oh

so soft;
it beggars fine-spun cloud-silk , the touch of any babe be they gentle yet; the lightest lacrimony of warming rain; any and all for ever and only there could be no more than your touch but
no, not the quiescence of flesh
not and never no – there is more not her skin no not
never – there is further grace held hushed beside me. raging fury of will and heat –
the gentleness of her heart, so close to mine as to frighten me.
For her it is conflagration such fierce pride and agony of ardour a desire such DESIRE (a never-seen incandescence to match my own)
Cached in a sudden stillness… a feather caress and she is become an angel of tenderness? How…? is she able to be..?
A warrior born. Her lips Sweetened honey, her mind steel milked from the most sinuous and sensuous of venoms.
Schooled. Mistress to the most lethal of lives…
Wrapped in the flesh of a wildling hart?
We know and wear loss as all must in any life. The extant tragedy (oh my love – she is flooded with wires and strung, and stung, with oceans, of pain). What she has lived is beyond the comprehension of a man as proud of his own survival as familiar with the madness of unending pain as I.
She beauty born from this, some form and weight of gravitas.
Her history is barely visible but tears always fascinating exhilarating that she is what and whom, what she is and still, still
In each step so tired worn and fought and such pain so worn a clutch a fist of years scores and even yet now wearing to bone to mind to scourged worn and won fought again it hurt her I know it must she remembers… she is a soul a life flaring with war deathdealers with atrocity with war war war WAR!
Her body more scar than skin (so soft so alive so soft and mine)
How can it be? Grace hums against her limbs warmed by their touch she is yet delicate… (so soft! her skin her skin! Her scars! Her skin!!)
movements svelte and boiling with latency; it is forever abeyant, utterly implicit in her, in all that she is. Coiled in her is a fell warrior. Such strength, feline yet shivered and silvered with
Fragility
(how? What is she to be this?)
I wish and wish for her hope so it hurts me with my wishes
I wish I

wish

I
if she could use this inferno, the frenzied oceans, the tempest worlds of will so thick in her chest
to
believe
this, oh babe.
oh.
if she would if she will.
I beg for her credulity I offer my hands my works my eyes believe me believe believe!

before she flooded my heart and writ hope across sorrow; before she breathed rapture and tore hope open like this like THIS I did not know I had never begun to see…

She is without equal. Without precedent. She is craving, She is lust, she is

honour.

I need her to know. She must know. She has to believe me why will she not believe me make her believe me

She is my life’s love

Tags

sin, angel, bitumen, pauldrobertson, sinn

HI EVERYBODY!!
I have been writing my novel, which is so exciting i made my cat throw up last chapter I finished. Um… I spun her around saying “YAY!” too much. so i haven’t been painting anywhere near as much as i like to. (I’ve also been realllllllly sick. oh well.) Apart from painting I have a side-line in cat straightening – an uncommon skill that i learned in a dzong in Bhutan.

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Comments

  • vanvic
    vanvicalmost 6 years ago

    This is beautiful work…you are extremely gifted.

  • thank you ms vanessa. i guess it is unsurprising that such gifts come at such a price.

    – pauldrobertson

  • Jacqueline Baker
    Jacqueline Bakeralmost 6 years ago

    Ahhhhh the Biblical text is taken from my favorite book of the Bible….The Song of Songs…..such poetry, such love and desire, such longing and connection, such passion and innocence……

    Beautiful writing paul and wonderful intimate painting!!

  • thank you again as always jacqueline. it is a very beautiful and, oddly, sensual piece of the bible, probably my favourite also – though i do not believe. Would that more of the Book were written so.

    – pauldrobertson

  • TRACY BAGNALL
    TRACY BAGNALLalmost 6 years ago

    It isn’t your fault, we must learn to accept that there are times when we can’t get things done. I too have lost 18 months and last week my switch clicked and no one who has met me in the past year can believe I am still me. Why were you ill when you are so strong? I am only alive because I am so strong, sometimes I don’t achieve because I am ill. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
    I hope the new drugs suit you and you do well. I have been to hell too you aren’t alone even if it feels like it. Trace xx

  • i think that what we share, our connection as human – empathy; compassion and love, are often all that makes our existence bareable. and i know it is not my fault… i was ill because illness happens, and that is life. my strength has saved me and shall again. thank you again tracy

    – pauldrobertson

  • littlestmonkey
    littlestmonkeyalmost 6 years ago

    Beautifully painted, and beautifully written.
    I understand, even tho I haven’t experienced the same as you.
    Am happy that you have new meds and they are working.

  • thank you littlest monkey. your name fuckin rocks :)

    – pauldrobertson

  • littlestmonkey
    littlestmonkeyalmost 6 years ago

    Beautifully painted, and beautifully written.
    I understand, even tho I haven’t experienced the same as you.
    Am happy that you have new meds and they are working.

  • Andrew Price
    Andrew Pricealmost 6 years ago

    Excellent painting, keep getting stronger.

  • thanks andrew, i hope what you said is true.

    – pauldrobertson

  • Carson Collins
    Carson Collinsalmost 6 years ago

    “…I ain’t been painting all that much (actually I have, just badly. No. Really.)… Somehow I produce ugly lines and uglier colours…”

    With the greatest respect, I must disagree with these statements.

    However I can barely imagine the beauty you might be able to create if you weren’t disabled, as you say you are. I’m glad you’re getting better. My world would be an infinitely poorer place without you.

  • thanks dude. you write beautifully, and from the heart i know. i have only posted the pieces that i have either finished beforehand or one of the so very few (i mean like four total) that i have finished despite this new variety of the illness. the rest have been sabotaged by this inability to paint.
    my friend, you must… you must… to be alive as you live your last… you must not drink.

    – pauldrobertson

  • missmoneypenny
    missmoneypennyalmost 6 years ago

    Amazing artwork Paul

  • thanks once more ms moneypenny. i love writing that. ms moneypenny. heh.

    – pauldrobertson

  • rightasrain
    rightasrainalmost 6 years ago

    Bitumen and oils? Wow Paul!!! This is stunning. Gorgeous colour – I would say almost a colour I haven’t seen before. Thank you for your openness and sharing your work with us :-)

  • and thank YOU for commenting so carefully and with such sincerity. it means so much, so very much. it is this that i hang my strength from in the hardest hours.

    – pauldrobertson

  • PeriRainPhotog
    PeriRainPhotogalmost 6 years ago

    Fantasic I love this ! Well done

  • thank you ms charity. what a beautiful name :)

    – pauldrobertson

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