Mercy
Pastels on paper
120×70 cm
Sold it and this is the highest res copy I have crrrrrrap.
What the fuck is going on? What are we doing? How can we ameliorate our lives with simplicity when we know what we know? Or think we know.
Shit shit shit shit shit shit.
I have a huge lack of understanding.
That sentence was supposed to continue, but stopped somehow. Burns me up. You even have Cat In The Hat Pajamas, and I mean, how cool is that?
Excuse me, I just thought I would skirt ambitiously around the subject for a while. I have no idea what to say and am feeling a little romantically disturbed by attempting to begin to break my silences begin to gnaw at the old gauze, reeking and tough, that covers my lips.
So. Today is a day for honest extremity. Makes me feel more at home all of a sudden. I feel much more comfortable when everything confuses me. I always feel like some small and viciously real creature is crawling up the back of my scalp and whispering that it’s all a lie when I have some semblance of feeling in control.
Nothing like a spanner in the rabbit.
I have climbed my way back into my safety haven and behaved like I had supposed, had always supposed that I am supposed to. Security wraps its warm but a little spiky arms around me once again. I’m so desperately trying to sell out that I even manage to forget the oaths I swore to myself when I was a teenager… and when they creep into the back of my mind I slap them around with a few extra anti depressants and paint a happy picture (I am lying why am I lying I cannot and have never been able to cheat with the lines and colours of my work. They betray me in acuity, in dread. And the meds do nothing. I have taken none for months at a time, I have taken ten times the dose for months. No difference. Side effects. Shakes, rashes. A median of despair punctured with pinhole panic; with sobbing collapse. Degrees of sickness inviolate and unaffected.)
You actually know what I’m talking about. How strange.
Catharsis rears its unlovely head.
I have desires I can’t even begin to describe. There is something about losing your mind that is more real than anything else, more tempting and free; a claw hook in the back of a healthy brain.
I never thought you took me seriously. (Why would you how could you why would anyone?)
I have hesitated and stuttered and smoked too much and stared at you when you weren’t looking. Allowed myself to pine.
We are fools in a world that does not tolerate fools.
I have looked and looked, and I always thought that feeling this way and being trapped by the sadness, the sadness…
I thought – that this was a common excuse for not living. Not doing and earning like everyone else.
It isn’t a common excuse. It’s an uncommon reason.
I would like to spend a week with you and just see how similar we are; just for once talk to you for long enough without being interrupted to know, maybe to just stop lying. Can you imagine that? Honesty in life seems impossible, but it might not be between us.
The fallacy expands.
How often do you lie a day? Think about it.
Coming to each other and saying:
“Well, today, I really thought about suicide, and I had to make myself eat even though it made me want to puke. I felt each movement I took as a jarring blow. I spoke to other people… other creatures in the world even though I could not find my breath and I gasped and clenched my uncertain weak fists. I still spoke because I had to I had to and the rope the knife they swell rotten and sweet in every turn and thought and they live in the fear booming in my heart shivering through my feet as I step through the world.
“But I am alive and I have my hands before me and my scars are old. I have lied well enough to hide, for this time at least.
“I thought it took all the strength that I have to do these things, but it took more to them to you.”
Mercy belongs to the following groups:
All Things Poetic, Artistic, Philosophical, Skyscapes and Sunrise, Sunset Available for sale asGreeting Cards and Matted Prints
Mohammad Khaksar
to crv for mercy…
BEAUTIFUL colors,well done*
Maria Murphy
THE COLOURS ARE AMAZING,BEAUTIFULLY DONE. (KNOCK YOURSELF OUT,MAN.LOVED YOUR WRITTING )
Tony Ryan
Amazing colours and image Paul. You have a rare gift.
George Lenz
nice art piece
Juilee Pryor
beautiful words and image as well…. all ways something special with you Paul…
marshall calve...
you can almost feel the tension, the power of openness where do I come from where do I go from here or who do I go to
Crowmanic
Paul, we know you’re an extremely gifted and talented artist and expressionist (ie able to express outwards), as again this piece of work truly shows… and your writing is often seen as something unique and special, etc, with much credo and applause as often as posted; though I’m wondering how many would actually like to live the difficult, twisted, and uncertain trail that you traverse, from mood-to-mood, day-to-day, context-to-context; affected by subtleties of disturbance and stimuli from one environmental moment to the next, etc. ? Just wondering-out loud is all… thx, and traverse safely, where “anglos” fear-to tread, in the realms of indistinction and other-nest. (generally speaking that is ?) Cheers for now …
hatefueled
another fantastic sky!
Ariane
You are a bright star in a meaningless world – for me your writing and images resonate hope and courage
Cliff Vestergaard
Weird for a sec I was thinking the cloulds were moving strange. Magic art for sure !
jaycee
Yet again another sensational piece :)
kathibook
Powerful final paragraph…captured the essence of depression in the face of the every day world…just how hard and crappy that can be. Really beautiful image, dark skies departing I hope.
Peace, Kat
Jen Whyte
Don’t be afraid to walk into that sky, you might be surprised/shocked/amazed by what you’ll find … do you know I’ve come to the conclusion that we were born on springs … we go joyously/fearfully into each new situation … get slapped back to where we began but the spring bounces us back over and over again – I’ve looked for the screwdriver that fits the screws that hold the springs but they haven’t made one my size and I’m so tired after a lifetime of wobbling ‘cause as soon as it stops someone or something breezes past and starts the wobble off again ….. ?
I adore this image!
mklau
Ahhh .. you have this amazingly creative capacity of capturing feelings and translating them into compelling imagery that echoes “beautiful” even when the subject matter may be unappealing to some. How gifted you are to see parts of our world that is mostly denied to others.
Cherie Dirksen
Beautiful, you have a unique style and a vibrancy that shines out in your work!
Brita Lee Mikl...
You transform your pain into beauty that so many receive inspiration from, but (echoing crowmanic) who would want to walk in your shoes, or could…to feel another’s pain is nearly..nearly as painful as feeling your own..
Gareth Chalklen
Excellent work
Peter Zentjens
Very threatening, excellent combination of colours and great use of perspective depth.
Karen01
gorgeous. and tender as always…
mysteryfaith
i like this Paul, it gives me a feeling of knowing that there is some presence out there watching after us.. like our guardian angel.. and she is just walking with a grace about her
Care
....I like this…and …Pastels…?...thought it must be oils…
...and after reading …your writing..all I have to say is…hope your feelin better …
Anemone
Your paintings are beautiful, but I like what you write even more.
pauldrobertson replied
thank you… i believe more in my writing too… painting started off as an EXCUSE NOT TO WRITE.
it is wonderful for someone else to see that.
Linda Ridpath
I love your style, romantic and full of feeling!!
pauldrobertson replied
thank you linda… ‘show me that man that is not passions’ slave and i will wear him in my heart’s core, in my heart of hearts, as i do thee’
shakespeare, forget which bit.
Suzanne German
paul slef acceptance is so good when deailing with demons…..sometimes it’s nice to remember that each contains its opposite – that is, a demon is not a demon without knowing its angel….each demon has its angel side, etc…..and so it is with humans and their spirits….suzanne
Verangel
wow this is amazing…. we can create so much colour spectrum in Photoshop and alike…. but it is always such a pleasure to see the real thing, in a true raw…. I love the colours and how they transform into one another…. Your paintings have an enormous energy about them… 8)))
pauldrobertson replied
thank you deeply, verangel. to me the images in pshop are equally valid, and it is the vision that garners my respect. i think it is wonderful that those who lack the… genetic motor skills? who knows? to paint are able to create such extraordinary and beautiful imagery presently, and that this will only increase in commonality in the future.
however, the works when seen first-hand are something else entirely :)
paul
avalyn
such an exulted feeling here of peace….......something redeemed, mercy given through trust…...very beautiful!
Scott d'Almeida
outstanding,