Ex GIrl Friend; My Hand... (accurately presented , colour corrected, in high resolution.)

Ex GIrl Friend; My Hand... (accurately presented , colour corrected, in high resolution.)

Taking the time learning software is – well gotta think of it like nny other kind of learning i guess…
though… there was the block I had last year…
after an horrific eviscerating humitliation diguising itself as a relationship, I couldn’t paint for three months – see the piece Ms Poli

and also for the STORY about the… girl…. Kissing Miss Poli

I ended up hacking a role playing game on my PC – to the point where I made an utterly convincing version of myself, and my best friend. And my cat. I was not using a modelling editor I was working in in pure code and then just running the game again and again to see what the characters looked like.
60, 80 hours a week. more. i don’t even know what languages I was using. No idea.
Very weird. I am at heart, somewhere disguised by the er biceps and er so forth – truly, deeply, passionately… a NERD… oh yes, a dungeons and dragon playing, computer building hacker. I just fit all the artist sterotypes and, apart from the former, none of the nerdy freak ones.
When I was trying to find the texture files to get the right kind of coat to match the cat that I so adored. I FINALLY thought – dude.

this may wel be insane.

SO – I took the time to learn some more photoshop stuff and used my digital 12 meg cam PROPERLY, allowing me to upload a full 12 meg image of this piece.

I suppose I should delete the other one but I can’t… the comment mean too much to me.

Ex-girlfriend, my hand

is the link. This is the heart of that text:
I did it on the train to university when I was in second year, around 1998, I think. I love this piece. It is definitively unusual. I invented the face though it looks like one of my ex girlfriends, Sarah Mennie. I should track her down, though I believe she lives in Adelaide now. She was the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. Anywhere. She was an alcoholic, and more mad than I was.

There was something utterly gentle about her, and she loved me so hard, so deeply.

I remember when I was coming down from a manic drinking bender and I was having an intense anxiety attack (two of the LEAST descriptive words in the english language – when you are having an anxiety attack you are convinced you are dying. It is one of the most horrible things that I have ever gone through, an unstoppable avalnache of fear – anyway:) -

And she held me so tightly and started crying too. I know she loved me, perhaps more than anyone else in my life. I didn’t catch her beauty in this piece, but there is something of her in the eyes, some doomed gentleness.

Ah well. I cheated on her. I was manic and 21. I was a bastard. I am sorry, yes. Sorrowful, yes. Oh, Sarah, I still think of you. I hope you are ok, I hope that you have lived. That you have stopped drinking. That you are happy.

Whew. Now to see if my lame poverty indueced sucky dasl will hold out for the upload.

Thank you, thank you all… your comments help me and give me hope in hell (I am presently in the one day a week of respite I manage to carve from the week. Has been a fortnight of torture this time though. Yeh. I have this day. I do.

Paul

Ex GIrl Friend; My Hand... (accurately presented , colour corrected, in high resolution.) belongs to the following groups:

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