SOLILOQUY
WHY NOT speak truth and long and exhale hard into the empty hearts the softness of the night
I don’t know I don’t know I seem to be in and out and up and down and it
Seems like it would all be a big fucking drama.
I have coped sooo well for so long I have tried so hard I know you will
understand, I gave up drinking and it nearly killed me so many times and I
WANT A DRINK RIGHT NOW this is why I keep a dry house except when it is
raining or I play with the hose
Haven’t had a drink since 98 so many YEARS not a sip not a drug nothing to ever
stop the shit in my head from going round and fucking round and I feel so
SICK all the time.
What the fuck are we all looking for where is an answer? I have read
Descartes and Kant and Nietzsche and the bible there’s nothing the fuck
THERE!
I can’t stop shaking and it is hard to type, but I will not call some
guys in white jackets with somber kind expressions and very clean shoes.
I have taken my clonazepam and I did NOT overdose even of I wanted to; I will do some WORK and call my doctor tomorrow and this desperation will continue, part of the answer, the real answer is that there is NOT AN ANSWER and I will have to trade my mind for my life for a while WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF DEAL IS THAT??
EXCISE my personality remove expunge it – all my work will STOP
and it can’t hold me close to it hangs me from sticky painty threads
I am on the cusp, a breath, a stroke away from something
extraordinary. Balancing and teetering but heavy with velocity and density
“I have to wait. Just a few weeks, a few million seconds, if that’s enough.
It’s moving slow but heavy (radius and inertia and depth) like an oil tanker
or a tectonic plate. Hurts too much. I’m too tired.
I lost the keys. I thought I had them for a while but they turned out to be
the wrong ones. I was wrong again.
I have no will.
Come on, give me the crook of your arm to cry on.
I’ll tell you about the menagerie of moons and press your hand between my
hands and wishwishwish.”
Quote MYSELF sure.
But for right now my meds are squishing down my brain like printing press
and I
I have avoided it one more night.
I will sleep
Shanina Conway, about 1 year ago
Wow Paul, this is exquisite! the shade and gentle lines and the highlights..stunning work!
I love your b & w as much as your colour work.
Glad to hear the demons passed and hope today and everyday gets better for you:)
hatefueled, about 1 year ago
you me, and a bottle of vodka anyday, you’re such an interesting guy, i’d love to take a tour in your head. great work.
Olga Savvidis, about 1 year ago
My current obsession is the abstract female form; this is a great study; so simple and elegant.
pauldrobertson, about 1 year ago
thanks… as always shanina.
and some day soon perhaps ms hateery gurl.
thank you olga… dunno if it is abstract…
Helene Kippert, about 1 year ago
This is stunning Paul.
Popular Mr, about 1 year ago
This is very nice paul. I like your work.
Leia, about 1 year ago
Beautiful portrait.
And what a unique writing style, it seems your filter is open so that we are lucky enough to read what is actually being created in your mind.
Look forward to seeing some more of your writing, maybe in your journal?
PennyEdwardes, 11 months ago
stunning!
kaleidoscopecr..., 10 months ago
Wow…....... how dark are you?? Chaos creating dancing stars…...............very exciting!!!!!!!
Katie Young, 9 months ago
Absolutely amazing…. i worship you
pauldrobertson, 9 months ago
hah! worhsip… er? i blush at the idea! thanks to everyone :)
brummieboy, 9 months ago
Gorgeous …..
Nicole Goggins, 9 months ago
stunning!
Marilyn Brown, 8 months ago
This is just sublime. It is such a sensitive piece she almost glows.
Christine K, 8 months ago
Lovely..your work is excellent!
Peco Grozdanovski, 7 months ago
Beautiful work… my compliments!
DelorisKaren, 6 months ago
I am speechless! I think Shanina said it best! :o)
Rayven, 6 months ago
Beautiful work. Don’t you just love drawing the figure?! You are a very interesting person. I want to know you.
Liz Wohlrab, 6 months ago
beyond beautiful love everything about this piece
Liz Wohlrab, 6 months ago
beyond beautiful love everything about this piece
MissMena, 5 months ago
breathtaking. <3>
pauldrobertson, 5 months ago
thank you all so much :)
caroline ellis, 5 months ago
perfect and so sensitive
sharrukina malek, 5 months ago
this looks like a real photo…its fantastic.
Suzanne German, 5 months ago
Paul this painting is extremely beautiful and ..well, yes she’s beautiful. Her expression is so full of feeling – brimming with sensitivity and even though you can’t see her eyes (here) you can see what she’s seeing because of the overall sense you get from her presence in this painting.
Her perfect body – holding darkness and light – shedding and absorbing both of these.
Her form, shape and the shading you’ve used – utter brilliance (literally!)
The way you have modelled her into and out of your mind and onto your canvas and she has taken with her …some of you and is projecting some of it onto the spot she is focussed on and protecting some of it inside her…..well this my initial reastion to this painting. Especially after having read the description beside it.
A stunning piece of art! A remarkable mettle in your words her expression…. both lovely!
Paul – honestly love this painting the most out of all the females you have painted. This one holds and imparts something extraordinary WOW!
- suzannexx
Mary Campbell, 5 months ago
Beautiful girl, sad sad reading of your creative pain, and struggle.. Your art will always be there it’s in you and can not be surpressed even with meds… You will learn new paths to let it emerge, and life is and can be a wonderful retreat.
Liz Wohlrab, 4 months ago
this is absolutely beautiful love the angle and fine detail along with beautiful shadowing, outstanding work
uosha, 3 months ago
very impressive!!
Janet Boyd, 3 months ago
HI, PAUL, here i am in louisiana, looking at your work again. Thinking that you are one of the best artist that i have ever seen. and wishing you peace.
Janet Boyd, 3 months ago
and hoping that peace and astounding art are not mutually exclussive.
pauldrobertson in reply to Janet Boyd’s comment, 3 months ago
thank you janet.
and… well. in truth i have no idea what iti s to feel relaxed, let alone PEACEFUL.
chrisdade, about 1 month ago
This is truely stunning and magical!
crirossi, about 1 month ago
te lo scrivo in italiano perchè il mio inglese è pessimo.
Soliloquy è bellissimo e intrigante, e malgrado sia monocolore ha una luce bellissima.
Complimenti
DreamzInspired, about 1 month ago
Absolutely beautiful :)
Benjamin Liew, about 1 month ago
fantastic… well done
Anne van Alkemade
,
about 1 month ago
a devine image, and congratulations on it being included on the home page. So beautiful.
sra58, about 1 month ago
Congratulations on making the home page. Beautiful work.
Sharon A.
Scott Ruhs, about 1 month ago
Stunning work, Paul!
paul romanowski, about 1 month ago
OH ,DEAR…...SO WELL DRAWN…..SO, UH…..
Darren McCoy, about 1 month ago
A well captured portrait, and with soooo much going on in your mind in the background, or is this just after the event thoughts? myerotictouch
Kathryn Potempski, about 1 month ago
love this image, it’s just so engaging! The lighting creates a great mood,
Jacqueline Baker, about 1 month ago
I have to restict how much i read your emotional rollercoaster rides coz they trigger me and then i have a white knuckle ride for a few hours/days and i’m not a manic depressive. I’m an Idealist which has similarites i can be up and surfing the clouds one minute and down desiring death the next but your writings are so addictive i find it hard to stay away.
I love this drawing so much the proportions are wonderful, the light incredible, the power drawing you in is mesmerizing, you have talent that’s for sure but the rawness of your writings are fascinating. And yet the depth of tenderness that accompanies this rawness is so passionate and so deep that loneliness must breathe down your neck all the time. Your desire to connect to self and channel that inner turmoil is apparant in your art and writings and my only sadness that i always encounter with reading your work is the desire to comfort you and ease your agony but maybe your best work comes from that i don’t know. Whenever i look at your work i discover a part of myself that lays untouched by anyone save God which is a desire to be visible to someone else. I feel like a blank canvas, an unpainted picture, as though i am on one side of a one way mirror and no-one can see me though i yearn deeply for it….to connect yet finding no one to connect to on my level. I find comfort in your art and writings as though for a moment in time i can reach out and am able to touch the faintest whisper of tangibility and briefly to feel joy in such depth of expression!!
Thank you….......
George Lenz, about 1 month ago
she is hot… nice comp and tretments
matt572, about 1 month ago
beautiful
Joanne Bradley, about 1 month ago
Exquisite work! Congrats on making homepage!
SURYADI MAX, about 1 month ago
beautiful …
JoAnnHayden, 28 days ago
Stunning work, just stunning!!
dimarie, 20 days ago
amazing works!
pauldrobertson in reply to dimarie’s comment, 17 days ago
thank you dimarie :)