SOLILOQUY
WHY NOT speak truth and long and exhale hard into the empty hearts the softness of the night
I don’t know I don’t know I seem to be in and out and up and down and it
Seems like it would all be a big fucking drama.
I have coped sooo well for so long I have tried so hard I know you will
understand, I gave up drinking and it nearly killed me so many times and I
WANT A DRINK RIGHT NOW this is why I keep a dry house except when it is
raining or I play with the hose
Haven’t had a drink since 98 so many YEARS not a sip not a drug nothing to ever
stop the shit in my head from going round and fucking round and I feel so
SICK all the time.
What the fuck are we all looking for where is an answer? I have read
Descartes and Kant and Nietzsche and the bible there’s nothing the fuck
THERE!
I can’t stop shaking and it is hard to type, but I will not call some
guys in white jackets with somber kind expressions and very clean shoes.
I have taken my clonazepam and I did NOT overdose even of I wanted to; I will do some WORK and call my doctor tomorrow and this desperation will continue, part of the answer, the real answer is that there is NOT AN ANSWER and I will have to trade my mind for my life for a while WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF DEAL IS THAT??
EXCISE my personality remove expunge it – all my work will STOP
and it can’t hold me close to it hangs me from sticky painty threads
I am on the cusp, a breath, a stroke away from something
extraordinary. Balancing and teetering but heavy with velocity and density
“I have to wait. Just a few weeks, a few million seconds, if that’s enough.
It’s moving slow but heavy (radius and inertia and depth) like an oil tanker
or a tectonic plate. Hurts too much. I’m too tired.
I lost the keys. I thought I had them for a while but they turned out to be
the wrong ones. I was wrong again.
I have no will.
Come on, give me the crook of your arm to cry on.
I’ll tell you about the menagerie of moons and press your hand between my
hands and wishwishwish.”
Quote MYSELF sure.
But for right now my meds are squishing down my brain like printing press
and I
I have avoided it one more night.
I will sleep
SOLILOQUY belongs to the following groups:
1 on 1: The Fine Art of Portraiture , Realist Traditional Art, Spiritual Art and The Artistic Nude
Shanina Conway
Wow Paul, this is exquisite! the shade and gentle lines and the highlights..stunning work!
I love your b & w as much as your colour work.
Glad to hear the demons passed and hope today and everyday gets better for you:)
hatefueled
you me, and a bottle of vodka anyday, you’re such an interesting guy, i’d love to take a tour in your head. great work.
Olga Savvidis
My current obsession is the abstract female form; this is a great study; so simple and elegant.
pauldrobertson
thanks… as always shanina.
and some day soon perhaps ms hateery gurl.
thank you olga… dunno if it is abstract…
Helene Kippert
This is stunning Paul.
Popular Mr
This is very nice paul. I like your work.
Leia
Beautiful portrait.
And what a unique writing style, it seems your filter is open so that we are lucky enough to read what is actually being created in your mind.
Look forward to seeing some more of your writing, maybe in your journal?
PennyEdwardes
stunning!
kaleidoscopecr...
Wow…....... how dark are you?? Chaos creating dancing stars…...............very exciting!!!!!!!
Katie Young
Absolutely amazing…. i worship you
pauldrobertson
hah! worhsip… er? i blush at the idea! thanks to everyone :)
brummieboy
Gorgeous …..
Nicole Goggins
stunning!
Marilyn Brown
This is just sublime. It is such a sensitive piece she almost glows.
Christine K
Lovely..your work is excellent!
Peco Grozdanovski
Beautiful work… my compliments!
DelorisKaren
I am speechless! I think Shanina said it best! :o)
Rayven
Beautiful work. Don’t you just love drawing the figure?! You are a very interesting person. I want to know you.
Liz Wohlrab
beyond beautiful love everything about this piece
Liz Wohlrab
beyond beautiful love everything about this piece
MissMena
breathtaking. <3>
pauldrobertson
thank you all so much :)
caroline ellis
perfect and so sensitive
sharra
this looks like a real photo…its fantastic.
Suzanne German
Paul this painting is extremely beautiful and ..well, yes she’s beautiful. Her expression is so full of feeling – brimming with sensitivity and even though you can’t see her eyes (here) you can see what she’s seeing because of the overall sense you get from her presence in this painting.
Her perfect body – holding darkness and light – shedding and absorbing both of these.
Her form, shape and the shading you’ve used – utter brilliance (literally!)
The way you have modelled her into and out of your mind and onto your canvas and she has taken with her …some of you and is projecting some of it onto the spot she is focussed on and protecting some of it inside her…..well this my initial reastion to this painting. Especially after having read the description beside it.
A stunning piece of art! A remarkable mettle in your words her expression…. both lovely!
Paul – honestly love this painting the most out of all the females you have painted. This one holds and imparts something extraordinary WOW!
- suzannexx
Mary Campbell
Beautiful girl, sad sad reading of your creative pain, and struggle.. Your art will always be there it’s in you and can not be surpressed even with meds… You will learn new paths to let it emerge, and life is and can be a wonderful retreat.
Liz Wohlrab
this is absolutely beautiful love the angle and fine detail along with beautiful shadowing, outstanding work
uosha
very impressive!!
Janet Boyd Art
HI, PAUL, here i am in louisiana, looking at your work again. Thinking that you are one of the best artist that i have ever seen. and wishing you peace.
Janet Boyd Art
and hoping that peace and astounding art are not mutually exclussive.
pauldrobertson replied
thank you janet.
and… well. in truth i have no idea what iti s to feel relaxed, let alone PEACEFUL.
chrisdade
This is truely stunning and magical!
crirossi
te lo scrivo in italiano perchè il mio inglese è pessimo.
Soliloquy è bellissimo e intrigante, e malgrado sia monocolore ha una luce bellissima.
Complimenti
DreamzInspired
Absolutely beautiful :)
Benjamin Liew
fantastic… well done
Anne van Alkemade
a devine image, and congratulations on it being included on the home page. So beautiful.
sra58
Congratulations on making the home page. Beautiful work.
Sharon A.
Scott Ruhs
Stunning work, Paul!
paul romanowski
OH ,DEAR…...SO WELL DRAWN…..SO, UH…..
dkiss
A well captured portrait, and with soooo much going on in your mind in the background, or is this just after the event thoughts? myerotictouch
Kathryn Potempski
love this image, it’s just so engaging! The lighting creates a great mood,
Jacqueline Baker
I have to restict how much i read your emotional rollercoaster rides coz they trigger me and then i have a white knuckle ride for a few hours/days and i’m not a manic depressive. I’m an Idealist which has similarites i can be up and surfing the clouds one minute and down desiring death the next but your writings are so addictive i find it hard to stay away.
I love this drawing so much the proportions are wonderful, the light incredible, the power drawing you in is mesmerizing, you have talent that’s for sure but the rawness of your writings are fascinating. And yet the depth of tenderness that accompanies this rawness is so passionate and so deep that loneliness must breathe down your neck all the time. Your desire to connect to self and channel that inner turmoil is apparant in your art and writings and my only sadness that i always encounter with reading your work is the desire to comfort you and ease your agony but maybe your best work comes from that i don’t know. Whenever i look at your work i discover a part of myself that lays untouched by anyone save God which is a desire to be visible to someone else. I feel like a blank canvas, an unpainted picture, as though i am on one side of a one way mirror and no-one can see me though i yearn deeply for it….to connect yet finding no one to connect to on my level. I find comfort in your art and writings as though for a moment in time i can reach out and am able to touch the faintest whisper of tangibility and briefly to feel joy in such depth of expression!!
Thank you….......
George Lenz
she is hot… nice comp and tretments
matt572
beautiful
Joanne Bradley
Exquisite work! Congrats on making homepage!
SURYADI .
beautiful …
JoAnnHayden
Stunning work, just stunning!!
dimarie
amazing works!
pauldrobertson replied
thank you dimarie :)
Gary Crandall
Paul, your confessional writings are as mesmerizing as your art work… all soul-bearing and beautiful… been down some of those roads myself in the past, and just as a practical note from lessons learned, perhaps try more nutritional supplements in lieu of the prescription meds you’re on which can keep you totally fucked up and “squishing down on your brain”... Thanks for sharing your words and art … they are masterful…
pauldrobertson replied
i am trying a bunch of supplemtns right now actully, and on the most minimal of meds :)
thanks again for your words
thiu khangchien
lighting is beautiful!!
Zuzana
love the light and shadows, great work!
LENA WEHNERT
beautifully done. :)
Laura Majcan
this image is absolutely brilliant!!! you really got the shading and lighting very smooth and soft. NICE WORK!
LeeAnn Larson
Incredible work.