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HI EVERYBODY!!

Technically…

I’ve won eighteen awards in the real not-on-line world, one of them international and including the WA premier’s award from Geoff Gallup. He also opened my biggest exhibition in 2004.

I have a BA in fine arts, but learned to paint anyway.

Presently I have chronic neuropathic pain. It just started happening in about 2008. I still spend a great deal of every day in a great deal of pain. Because it is caused by a lesion 7 × 5 × 4 cm in my brain, it is very hard to get painkillers that will do anything.

I have had to learn that it is impossible to paint when you are in pain. I tried for a very long time not to believe that.

It broke my heart.

So that ended my career as an artist, which was finally really going places – got invited to do a show in Soho, NY, was selling stuff in the US and I had about a one in five chance of winning any awards that I was orgainsed enough to ente,r people were spending more and more money buying my work and I was in papers and on TV and… and…

I have personally witnessed more than thirty individuals, humans – like me, with me like me – cry when they looked at my work. It is more than a compliment. I hurt for them and with them and I love them for what they can see in my paintings and writings.

I have had ten solo exhibitions.

There are a great many paintings that I have done that there are no images of because I am an idiot and not very good at backing things up.

From late 2011 to 2014, I have been writing my first novel.

As of April 2014 it is 98% finished.I believe that it is one of the best books that I have ever read.

I am a passionately devout atheist.

I am married to the most amazing woman that I have ever met. The chances of meeting someone as wonderful as my wife Kate, who is as similar to me as she undeniably is are so infinitesimal that… it’s really not very likely.

But luck sat upon my shoulder and I did.

I have known happiness ever since.

It is a LOT better than I had always imagined it to be.

My wife Kate is my whole world.

I am a reformed alcoholic. I haven’t had a drink since I was twenty six. To stop drinking was the hardest thing I have ever done.

It is still hard… “Bring me a bottle of vodka and a six foot pencil. I want to get drunk and draw on the ceiling.” Beckett said but it doesn’t work like that for me because though I would like nothing more than such a release so sweet such a blessing of painlessness such a swelling frenzy of ecstasy, I would probably succeed in drinking myself to death quite quickly. And making a lot of very good people very, very sad at the same time.

So; no vodka for me, nor six foot pencils neither.

I write stories and songs, sometimes poetry (eventually started doing this again after having given it up at 14 to leave more time for masturbation.)

Ipaid for an aptitude for bits of the arts with a general and wide ranging ineptitude when it comes to normal human tasks. “Oh well, what the hell!” sang Mcwatt (this is from catch 22; which remains the best book in the universe. if you feel the same way email me and i will MARRY YOU. Or. Err. Buy you a muffin.)
I read a lot. Weird big historical books through to comics. The best reason to live forever is to read everything that has ever been written. And then start again at the bottom of the pile. Ok it’s probably not the BEST reason but it is a NICE reason and I am going to leave it there. I am. I like it. So. Nyah.

Apart from painting I have a side-line in cat straightening – an uncommon skill that i learned in a dzong in Bhutan. One day I hope to have a young apprentice and the balance of straight cats in the universe will be in perfect harmony…
(i am still grieving over the loss of SPG – Special Patrol Group, my Burmese cat full time compatriot and best friend. She would follow me round the house and sit on my shoulder when I went to the shops and… oh man. getting sad again.

I did eventually acquire another cat; a Burmese by the name of Obi-wan. She is very small and also magnificent.

and…
’Whatever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might. for there is no wisdom, nor device, nor work, in the grave. wither thou goest.’

Thank you everyone for the huge, huge amount of support!
and for not setting me on fire (those who found me … obtuse or other angles that they found offensive.)

email me on pauldrobertson@hotmail.com

  • Age: 42
  • Joined: March 2007

Journal

HISTORY OF MADNESS FINAL

They whispered in my ears and I listened. They kept me awake and sometimes it would sound exactly as if dogs were barking by my ear, and my name hissed over and over to me as I began to doubt. Never acquiesced never ever gave in and began to believe in the hardness of breathy hallucination only that I was worth nothing a fever of trickery swimming through think stinking mud holding pain like it’s…
Posted almost 7 years – 6 comments

HISTORY RANT 4 - MANIAAAAAAA

“WHATEVER THY HAND FINDETH TO DO, DO IT WITH THY MIGHT. FOR THERE IS NO WISDOM, NOR WORK, NOR DEVICE, IN THE GRAVE; WITHER THOUGH GOEST.” / bible, ecclesiastes. / the text is one of the two quotes that i live by. the other, from the more respectable source of mr emerson, is about my work… yes. and my life also i guess. yes. / “TRUST THYSELF. EVERY HEART VIBRATES TO THAT IRON STRING.” / i went thr…
Posted almost 7 years – Leave a comment

HISTORY OF MADNESS

PART THREE. I should add before i paste MORE of my history rant, that my life is NOT like this any more. on december the 20th it will be the anniversary of 10 years without a drop of alcohol; though the bipolar got WORSE after i was straight. which i thought was just fucking UNFAIR. / Since then… well in the last year i have gone on dexamphetamine sulphate (known as dexadeine in the US;) a…
Posted almost 7 years – 9 comments

SKETCHING MADNESS.

THE NEXT BIT. please write back if you can. it is hard to… do. to post this. / I started drinking one afternoon was sure I didn’t go out or see anyone but woke up in a pair of dirty women’s underwear. / I was at a palatial house with a goddess and threw up in her spa. Don’t know her name I don’t think I did even then. / Winters were the worst always lost and drunk and cold alway…
Posted almost 7 years – 1 comments