Artists and Abuse

ego defends it self contantly,from real or imagined ills coming from the out side or in, this ego was formed as a child reacting to out side conditions never met, because of youths unknowings of how them?big folks who keep them behave, we are little computers taking in information, as kids if the information was healthy, we are/healthy , if not then later as we grow we better evaluate them out side our selfs, and know when we are wrong minded or its them, like dave above, i know too well humiliations, but so does too many, learning our selfs is a life time affair never ending with perfections answers, it is long voyage back to the pure/sweet soul you started out to be,so yes,reprograming our selfs is a painful long investment but necessary, if we want to laugh at life and our selfs healthy-for life is one long painful joke or joy,but never stop never stop-trying to be you?and your core goodness to you self,o know many don,t like jesus,but one thing he said was right-do unto others, as you have done to your selfSO if you don,t love your self, how can you love others/?-there are millions of hurting hearts out there go love them and you self ,first

... one more thing Janis …. many people are nervous of commenting on an article like this if they suffer from self-esteem. Some people create a sort of social stigma around it. I casually mentioned to someone once that I had received counselling after being bullied in the work-place and she said, “Shhh … don’t let anyone know” ... and that was in a church of all places, where we are supposed to love one another and not judge people. My opinion is that if we break our leg there is no stigma attached, so why should we be ashamed of having our self-confidence broken. The people who should feel the shame are surely those who helped to break it in the first place. As I recover more and more of my self-confidence I feel a desire to help others do the same. At least they can’t say to me: “you don’t know what this feels like.’ I actually took a basic course in counselling skills once and although I haven’t taken it further than that basic certificate I was able to help a few people in my previous job.

Madvlad’s words make a lot of good sense.

Great article.
I think all of us come from some kind of pain in our history, some more extreme than others. Some never look at their histories to know. There is great value in doing so. In looking back we can discover the whole of our stories and come to terms with who we are and who we want to be, who others are and what they are not. Looking at, experiencing and owning our own pain helps generate self esteem as we can see what resilience we have had, and we can recognize our won and other’s fallibility. In this one can discover greater acceptance and compassion towards themself and others. Some find God in this journey as they realize something greater than themselves pulled them through. This process in general can increase one’s sensitivity to and tenderness towards themselves, others and the world.

Self awareness, self esteem, sensitivity, compassion and spirituality all effect what an artist sees, perceives and interprets I think.

I have found all of your recent postings to be good ways of opening dialogue and letting people know that they are not alone in their struggles. I commend you for doing this! I did experience abuse as a child and young adult, and I know that the road to self-esteem is a long one. Beginning to develop my creative side is just another step along that road. I’m sure many artists on RB are also somewhere along that road – as you said; it is a common experience. Thank you for doing this, Janis! It is this kind of compassion for others that makes you and the many wonderful people I’ve “met” on RB so special!

My pleasure Janis! I am so glad you had wonderful parents!! I really appreciate this post and all the transparent comments from everyone!!. I really appreciate and so agree with this last comment – yes a community that potentially has so much to offer us artists and people. It is doing so much for my own creative journey and confidence.:) Thank you :)

Great article Janis. I especially find intriguing the following sentence, “an artist’s self-esteem often depends on external evidence-improvement of work, cash flow, etc.” There is such a fine line it seems between doing art for the sake of, it’s in there and has to come out no matter what what the response to it is; and the desire for others to enjoy and possibly even comment or even better to purchase work. Whether it be art, music, etc.

It seems a difficult balance to find. We want our work to be enjoyed, yet that is not WHY we do it. Our self esteem has to come from a deeper place inside, for me from God, and not from external evidence or someone liking my work or not. Yet, he states “without progress artists die.” I have seen that happen to someone closest to me and it is heartbreaking to watch. Without progress and very little interest of others in his music, he and his passion has literally “withered” before my very eyes.

Don’t know if I am making sense, this balance I am speaking of and searching for…but regardless, the article is great to stimulate discussion on these issues. I too have a vision for RB to be more than just an art community but a place where there is sharing of heart, soul, journey and love. I am finding that here and am so grateful for it! Thanks for posting this : )

Great article Janis, keep them coming thanks.

Good article ..and thanks janis.. very Interesting again..you do have some great articles here!

well I never suffered any real abuse as a child in fact we were very loved and always encouraged in any areas that we might have had some skill . ..however I WAS thought of as the “black sheep” and the “odd one out”..I heard the whispers and even the loud voices of my mother and her many sisters and my grandmothers too as they called me strange lebanese names which would sometimes translate into things like “little black devil” and the like …
Oh my god…not nice at all…hhah!!!

many times this was said with a hearty laugh..so I never picked up that it was anything too nasty and it was usually only said after some minor antic I had gotton up too .

.but over time I did begin to feel that I was the one in the family who was different from my siblings on so many different levels..and I was a bit different that’s for sure! ..so maybe this was what started the family wondering what and who this
unusual child was this child with a will of her own…hha!

I went through a stage in my 20’s and 30’s of feeling a bit bitter about my seperation into this kind of “category”..but later learned to laugh about it..and knew in my heart that mum loved me very very much gosh we were truly adored when I come to think of it..and that my brother and sisters never did end up getting any special treatment from her that I didn’t get also!

I guess I had an artistic soul from a very young age..and people often find this difficult to come to grips with..an artistic child will do and say things that may upset the status quo.. and seems I upset it quite a lot ..even to the point where they had to send me to adelaide to be with my grandmother when I was around 4 years old.. such was my uncontrollability!

I think I was with her for approx 6 months and that’s a long time for a 4 year old! ..and I do know that this was a rather traumatizing experience for me

as a child I liked to climb the neighbours trees and pick their precious fruits cashews in particular! and this was a big no no.. as cashews are a pear shaped fruit that were grown in the tropics..but only the tops are used..the tops are the nut..and I would get up that tree as a very young child and pick as many as I could..hha!!

..I would bring home certain cats (the policemans in particular)..and say things like.. “but he came out of a drain and followed me home”” ( fat lie)..I had coaxed the cats to come with me….such was my love for animals and I just wanted one even if it was the local cops cat!! ..hha!

I was a straight talking youngster who they said was quite a wild one and loved to wander around in the bush in singlet and bare feet and collect strange objects..one day I wanted to bring home a dead bat that was full of maggots..hhee!!..it was this kind of curious behaviour that got me into all sorts of trouble with loved ones..I think my father understood me better than anyone and he was the one that encouraged me to explore and fossick and to be curious about nature…and to love it.. I have a long list of strange things I did as a child..and while the rest of my sisters were the perfect children so to speak.. so polite and so endearing ..I was wild and free and collected all manner of strange things..hha! looking back ..those few times when I heard them calling me a little black devil
I think did me the world of good..I see that as a kind of compliment now..as It meant that I would never truly conform to what the world had set out for me in advance.. and that I wanted to do things my way!..this ended up being a very positive force..because an artist has to do things their way in the end ..if they are ever to acheive any originality at all in their work ..so now I really do bless mum and her sisters for those few lebanese swear words.
much love
xxxoooo

Great article Janis…it is so true that abuse whether it be physical or mental can destroy one’s self esteem and joy for life. I can relate to the part of leaving and moving on rather strongly. The best revenge is definitely a life well lived…releasing yourself from hatred, loving yourself, moving on and surrounding yourself with loving family and friends is a healing journey, .... there is so much more to say….still…
I am so happy that I finally picked up a paintbrush in 2007 and surprised myself with my creations … that I found RB, and the inspirational and caring people like yourself on here.

yes life is blooming :-D …..in more ways than one!

Janis, this is outstanding!!! I can see from the comments you have received that artists identify with other artists in very meaningful ways. Many years ago, I broke away from realism and started abstracting – letting my art take me where it wanted to go. This was when the producing of art became very therapeutic for me. But it was also when I had to stop worrying about approval from people who did not understand my new direction. Making art can be very therapeutic, but it can also be very lonely. The feelings of isolation that come from interacting with people who do not understand the creative process definitely contribute to low self-esteem. Thank goodness for the wonderful “virtual” RedBubble friends we have all over the world. Even though most of us will never actually meet any of our cyber-soulmates, the warm fuzzies we get from each other are inspiring and encouraging. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts with us!!!

I see much of what is written here in my husband who suffered an horrific childhood. His art of choice is music, and that art helps him express himself beautifully. You know when he is feeling old hurts, for I am sure his guitar is singing with him

I am so very happy that I’ve found this site. Every day I find some new inspiration, beauty and amazement, and you’re right, it is a very special place that gives us all the support we have not gotten from the world out there.

I myself had a wonderful childhood. No real traumas…they came in my adult years, when my parents suddenly turned into totally narcisisstic abusive dicks! It’s all kinda backwards, and I’ve pulled myself out of many different kinds of nightmares and hells in the last 15 years…and I feel like I’m finally getting back on track. Each new day is evidence of this fact…and finding RB, well that’s the icing on the cake! I finally feel the support I never got, as a survivor of sexual,emotional and physical abuse…and, hopefully, support as an artist and a writer here…though I have only published one story so far.
Art has been my strength when noone else was there for me,and I have me to thank for that, since I am self-taught. It’s a courageous thing to create something out of nothing and bring it out from within…and such a gift to be arts channel.

Wow, it’s the first time I’ve heard of it happening to others as well, the other way round…kooky huh! In some ways, the children who experience abuse learn how to handle it from a young age…whereas, if you grew up feeling safe and trusting of your parents, only to have that smashed as an adult…it leaves the person having to learn all those survival skills as an adult. I started drawing when I was about 12 and I guess there was always some sort of emotional abuse going on, though it was subtle, and I only realised the effects it had on me later in life. At least I had already discovered creativity by the time the other forms of abuse were happening…so I did have an outlet and understand the therapeutic effects art can have. Hopefully my soul is still there…sometimes I’m not sure? I guess the fact that I am still being creaative means that it is. Thanks for this important exposure of abuse. Abuse only has power if it’s kept a secret.