Crazy Wisdom ... to be loved

She stared at the blank paper through tears.
How can she reply?
With her heart broken she no longer could grasp the words that remained imprisoned in the aching walls of the fragments that remained.
What emotions held her now? Not love …

She wanted to tell him that she understood but that would only release him from all responsibility.
Why did she feel she needed to give him relief from the knowledge that it was his biting sting on her that now caused her such pain? No more she cried ….

Sorry she was now that she ever took him into her heart.
Why did she do it?
He took her by surprise. She never wanted to love him.
Was he to blame for the way she looked at him? Love is blind ….

A ray of sunlight broke through the curtain
hitting the blank page.
She watched it as the shadows made shapes on the page.
She looked away knowing that the only form she would see was the shadow of a heart torn in two. Only love can break a heart …..

Through tears an object appeared on the floor in front of her.
A book … he had left it behind. She picked it up and lovingly thumbed through it.
Somewhere inside she felt the goodness and caring that was his vibration still penetrating the pages. Her first inclination was to throw the book back onto the floor. Hatred and anger from bittersweet memories ….

She could hear his voice in her head telling her how special the volume was to him. Keep it, he said, for awhile.
I want you to read it and experience it like I have because you are so precious to me.
It is only a loan; one day I will ask for it back.
The voice trailed off and as it did the pain grew in intensity. Then stopped …

How many before her had he given the book? None!
She was the only one because they shared something so beautiful that few ever really understand. A wisdom, “crazy wisdom” ….

For the first time in days, she smiled. The book lay on her lap. It is only a book she thought. But she knew that was not true.
Inside those pages were ideas and thoughts that could bring the reader to a place of enlightment. Travel to the heavens was possible! The meaning of life explained …

She realized that no one could ever convince her that he did not love her. He had! And love is never lost. Nor does love fade unless you choose to hide it away.
She decided that she would rather hold onto the love that she was given and not deny it. She will nuture it! She will keep his love for her alive! And so it was written …

The blank page now took on a new light! This will be her reply to him. Not a farewell letter but a novel, a short story, a poem perhaps.
Whatever she decided to write on that empty page will be written with passion and emotion. She will touch many hearts with her words. Every one who reads her prose will be changed, transformed and given a bit of magic that comes from being loved.

And she was loved very well. She knew. Call it Crazy Wisdom!

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Crazy Wisdom ... to be loved by 


Someone gave me a book called “Crazy Wisdom” … because he loved me.

Comments

  • John Edwards
    John Edwardsabout 5 years ago

    Beautiful and inspiring

  • Thank you for reading this, John. Even though a heart may break, the love inside remains. No one can take that away.

    – Judi Taylor

  • linaji
    linajiabout 5 years ago
    Judy.. my love.. you are precious and loved indeed. I could say I can relate, but it is precarious this thing called love. It is a daily feeling for me. Sometimes crazed even. You know it is funny when we want something and someone for our hearts and our lives and this cannot be so because ‘They’ will not comply to what ‘We’ feel is the road to take to continue ‘loving’. I don’t know what posses me or you or your lover or mine to stand firm on things that seem the choice to make for ones own well Being, but all that we are and have lived and experienced up to this second is responsible for these choices. And that is not to blame, we never know for sure what every nuance of eveyones life is that makes it the choice the ‘other’ or ourselves (we can’t even then know what drives us sometimes to say, “no I will not do this thing” or “yes I will”) makes according we say to our ‘hearts’.. for I think it is more than the ‘hearts’ choice… it is our destiny that pulls us foreward and until hindsight.. oh the precious revelation of hindsight which for me is 100% accurate, we will not know the full scope of our choices or the seeing that the choice of theirs fit in too. So I wait and I suffer for a minute or a day or two, but then for oh so many wonderful moments .. I get a reprieve and I am back on track knowing that my life is good and whole and full of loving people all around me.

    I sat down today and made a list of what I appreciate, and the list was mighty fine.
    You were on it in big letters.. JUDY IS A GREAT FRIEND.. AND I WOULD THAT I COULD HUG HER TIGHT TODAY.
    that is what it said on that line on yellow legal paper as I look at the sailboats and the morning so calm and beautiful. None stirring, just the crows cawing and the birds diving for food. I was full up with a joy that alluded me for 2 full days!! holy cow.. how does that happen? But the past for me is fast past.. and today you have poured your heart out and given me a new way I can love you from afar.. You are a wise woman who will make the story you need to move through the painful thinking. You are my star and you know I treasure you dearest..
    Thank you for your heart this morning..
    Love,
    Lina

  • Now if you could only spell my name right … teehee!!! Jud … i …
    I am trying to be brave. I know he did not chose not to love me anymore, he chose to love me still and maybe at the same time, give his love to another. It will not and does not take away from what he has already given me.
    I will take that hug from you and all the love you have to give. There is plenty of room in my heart … dearest one, thank you.
    Much love,
    Judi

    – Judi Taylor

  • linaji
    linajiabout 5 years ago

    I just looked at my appreciation list.. I spelled it right!!!! Judi..anyway you spell it your still a ROSE.XXXX

  • JenLand
    JenLandabout 5 years ago

    Crazy wisdom to write this Judi! It’s part of the healing process, part of the path of life and you’ve done it so very well.

    ‘She will touch many hearts with her words. Every one who reads her prose will be changed, transformed and given a bit of magic that comes from being loved.’

    And touched my life, you have!! Just keep on writing my friend and you’ll be fine….. AND wealthy!! :o)

  • You were so kind and understanding to me when I really needed it most. I am blessed to be loved by so many. It is time for me to get back to my true love … my writing. I will use the experiences from all the loves of my life and I will be better able to write from that place within me that knows love. What a wonderful gift he gave me … and he can NEVER take it back. Love once given belongs forever to the one that received it.

    – Judi Taylor

  • JenLand
    JenLandabout 5 years ago

    Yes! Write! It is your true love and you are such a gifted writer. :o)

  • tkrosevear
    tkrosevearabout 5 years ago

    ♥ ♥ ♥

  • Three hearts … yours, mine … and spirit?
    Gosh I love talking to you. I get back on track … I need my sisters! Thank GOD/GODDESS I have you. I am so blessed. Wish I was there. I need a girl’s PJ party. Maybe we can do that one night … maybe we can all get on skype … OOooooo … I am thinking now. I know, scary! :)

    – Judi Taylor

  • Hugh Fathers
    Hugh Fathersabout 5 years ago

    Thank you for sharing this. It has always been my firm belief that if you truly love someone you will always do so, even if, for some reason or other, a parting of lifes pathways results.

  • You are sooo right Hugh. It is a FIRM belief of mine as well. The true measure of love has no conditions. It does not say, I will only love you if you love me back or I will only love you when you are well or when it is convienent. Love is sticky … once given it sticks! :)
    Thank you for your comment, Hugh. It was good to read your thoughts.

    – Judi Taylor

  • Hugh Fathers
    Hugh Fathersabout 5 years ago

    One of my closest friends is a previous lover of 10 years who’s path in life went a different direction from mine some 10 years ago. We are in close contact (e-mail and phone) still and every now and again I visit and stay with her in Melbourne. She is one of the most amazing, creative and intelligent people I have had the pivilege of having in my life and beyond any doubt, I love her still. . .

  • Yes you do (still love her)… never lose the love inside you, only give it and share it.

    – Judi Taylor

  • Keith Reesor
    Keith Reesorabout 5 years ago

    Lovely writing Judi!! :)

  • Thank you, Keith. I appreciate that you read this. It means very so much.

    – Judi Taylor

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