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1:30 am.
I sit on my porch in the dark
the smoke, so grey
wavers and curls..disappears.
What can i hear?
the gradual rattle of a freight train growing it’s rhythm in the distance
pictures in my mind flash before my eyes
Chad, oh so sweet is his face
dating back four years, to his existence on this planet
his life taken by this noise i hear in the distance, growing louder and sharper
Is this train playing with my mind?
It seems to be drifting into my brain, circling my nerves
Louder and louder – almost deafening
I close my eyes as the train starts to scream, metal grinding against the tracks
I can almost see the sparks from here
Suddenly, Chad’s presence in my brain is terrifying
A ghost? Or a memory?
My heart longs for the train to stop, rewind to even one minute before his death
Could i have done something to stop it?
I know in my soul that i would rather have my life drift away than his
Why him? So sweet, so natural
My best friend died hearing the same noise i can hear now
Still mourning, always mourning
Blaming myself, blaming life
Why so harsh?
As the train groans and screeches, I sit in my grungy setting
Awaiting the moment this sound goes away
The hate, the loathing
This freight will soon cross the place where Chad was entered into the dark
Four Years
Two Months
Twenty Two Days
has gone past like lightening
Only yesterday I sat with him, looking in his eyes
my heart so fresh and unbroken
Loving his presence
But where is it now?
Where has it been these 4 years?
I know the answer- although its so hard to say that
He is only sitting on my shoulder – watching as a spirit
Not as a person
Waiting for my time, when i join him as a silhouette against the sunset
A day we both long for, to be together again
But until then,
Life is life, death is death
This freight train i hear now is innocent



Joined July 2009

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