The Love Crisis Survival Guide – Part 2
By: Mystikka Jade
www.lovecrisis.info
Chapter One:
Emotions and games
A common thread with most of my clients seems to be that no matter how much integrity they have, they get caught up in playing games in the name of love. Even those that swear to me how much they hate games, end up involved in them ‘somehow.’ The problem is, if you are very emotional you likely do not realize what game you are playing. Being unaware will render you a victim of the game itself, tossed like a tattered old volleyball back and forth over the hypothetical net.
Most of my clients are straight women, and that group is whom I will be addressing in terms of the gender references made throughout the following chapters. However, if you are a straight male or you are homosexual, the dynamics explained throughout this book will still apply, because love is universal.
Many of the women who confide in me would view someone else in their exact situation and say something like,
“You know you don’t need him, you should just move on with your life. Get some self-esteem, you don’t deserve the way that he treats you.”
The ironic part of that statement is, they cannot take their own advice and ‘just move on’ from their own destructive relationships. Why is that? It seems to hurt less when we notice someone else demonstrating certain issues than it does when we recognize those same exact issues in our own thinking or behavior.
When we are in denial of our codependency, our minds come up with very convincing stories, excuses and rationalizations (“yeah, buts”) that make it believable to ourselves that our situation is different from everyone else’s. We convince ourselves that our feelings and problems are unique. We hand over our power to someone who hurts us and deny ourselves the truth of our own capabilities.
For the record, NO ONE suffering from a broken heart wants to hear, ‘he’s no good for you, just move on,’ by even a well-meaning friend or family member. It’s difficult to feel supported by people who try to help by doing the equivalent of bringing us a tablet of vitamin C when we have a body full of cancer.
When our emotions desire something that they are not getting, that thing we want (namely him) can feel like the Holy Grail. Deep down we know he won’t solve our problems. The emotions, however, only understand what they crave and tend to blur out the harsh realities that threaten our daydreams and mental images about what potentially ‘could be’ with this person.
We tell ourselves that he doesn’t mean what he says when he says he doesn’t want the same things that we want. Many of my clients insist that deep down underneath his aversion to commitment, he really wants one, and it’s her job to get him to see that. They believe that persistence is the key to breaking down his resistance. They blame his intimacy issues on his last relationship or his childhood. Granted, pretty much every human being has some sort of childhood issues lurking behind the curtains of their adulthood. But if you are set on being his lover, you cannot also be effective as his therapist.
When we react out of panicked or needy emotions, we often get a feeling of temporary fulfillment. This release usually ends up doing more harm than good to the overall picture of our relationships. One example of a damaging strategy that many of my clients construct from their emotions is pretending to end the relationship with their man just so that he will step up to the plate and fight for them. They realize that love is a dance, and in an attempt to win the dance contest, they pull away in order to bring him closer.
In the short term, this phony break up tactic will work for many women. The man comes around and tells her the sweet nothings that she wants to hear in order to calm things down and keep what he has. He doesn’t have to work hard to get her back, because she wasn’t serious about the break up in the first place, and she still has a weakness for him and cannot seem to help giving in to his words.
The problem with this technique is that while yes, she may get ‘proof’ of his feelings and experience the joy of watching him squirm while he tries to get her back, once the man gets in again so easily, he takes a mental note about her break up threats. He sees the threats as not being serious, a reaction of the woman’s emotions and maybe even ‘PMS.’
The result is that he begins to think that he can just continue to do as he will, because no matter how mad she gets, she needs, wants and loves him enough to allow him to return after just a little time and space apart, and finally some coaxing.
The woman, in her desperate attempt to be taken seriously, loses her own game. Her credibility diminishes in her man’s eyes, and in her own. Her self-esteem drops to the floor, and her sense of personal power leaks away.
So how does one get power over the emotions and learn to navigate through and rise above the games to experience a higher form of love? In this book I will give you a five- protocol technique that will aid you in transcending your love crisis patterns. I will also provide you with informative tools and strategies that will help resolve a variety of common love oriented dilemmas.
To be continued… Please see Part 3
© 2007 Mystikka – Empathic Psychic. All Rights Reserved