an ode to this office work dude i knew who worked like 50 years in the same job like yeah man how crap is that dude why would you do that jees and then some

mr twovey in the office block held the award for nicest chap in the accountancy department. his ability to eat soup with a spoon was unsurpassed in the building community including the contractors. his resume was longer than it was wider, and deeper than its shadow and twice as heavy. his tie was wide and purple. and his shoes would blind you with their black reflective paradox. he had bad grades from his superiors and good grades from his superiors superiors. his superiors knowing how competant he was so they feared him. His hair brillcreamed in the finest seal oil and his armpits groomed by the supplicants of the surrounding departments – human resources, IT, marketing and so on.
five feet three inches. he keept the five feet in his drawer and the inches in his blazer pocket next to his fobwatch. he was actually a tall man when he wasnt sitting for then he just looked like a man who sat often. his shoulders rounded and his chiselled chin chiselled in a chinlike manner.
his ability to digest the company data and ingest its meaning and spit out the correct analysis was nigh legendary but for the fact that legends were strictly banned according to union guidelines and in any case the last legend there had slipped on the carpet and left with compo and a dot matrix printer.
he used no computer but rather a typewriter. he would bash it into rocks and carve letters. he was clearly a man with convictions that would stand longer than mere technology. his ideas spontaneous, ridiculous and often useless in an amusing way that would be remembered in the same stupid ridiculous way as the trojan horse.
his cunning was less like a fox and more like a badger and with such cunning he was able to use it to steal and forcibly take rival after rival – company after company.

he reached retirement and was left to roost on the upper ridges of a mah-johng set with nary a handshake from his masters.

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