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Interview with the Easter Bunny

Due to an overwhelming number of requests (2), I was inspired to pull out all stops and track down the Easter Bunny to continue what is becoming my series of interviews with well-known and much beloved childhood identities. First in the series was Interview with a Tooth Fairy

Easter Bunny was on a well-earned holiday in the Whitsundays and perhaps not too pleased to be bothered. Perhaps I’m being over sensitive here; see what you think.

How did you get into the Easter Egg delivery business?
It’s just a job, lady. Someone’s got to do it. You really wanna know this stuff? Alright, alright. I got 10 minutes before the buffet is served. I guess I can give it a go.

I can dispel some myths, right?

(Yes, absolutely)

Alright. Well, originally I had this gig with Eostre, a German wench, who liked to give out stuff to good kids during April each year. It was a sweet deal actually and I quite enjoyed it. She was a fertility goddess and she was looking for someone to do a bit of her leg work for her. She looked at my resume, and being that I’m a rabbit (and we breed like … um … rabbits), she decided I was the right man for the job; you know, fitting in with her fertility deal and all.

So, been doing it ever since.

Why chocolate eggs?
Well, why not? Okay! Originally, I used to hand out little rabbit effigies made of pastry and sugar. That was a couple of hundred years ago; chocolate wasn’t around much then and pastry was the higher order of the staple diet in Germany.

Some kids preferred a nest or Easter bonnet full of coloured eggs and that became more common. (Sigh) I still miss the bunny pastries a bit.

What has changed about Easter over the years
Nothing much really, except in western countries they are very liberal with the giving of eggs. Most kids get them these days whether they’re good or not. Makes my job harder, I must say, with supply and demand.

One thing I do like is you Aussies and that Easter Bilby. That’s a fairly new thing, 1970s I think! Okay, I know it’s because we rabbits are a pest in Australia (not our fault, I’d like to add), but that Bilby is a rather nice chappie. Hope he really makes a go of it.

What misconceptions do you think people have about the Easter Bunny?
That I like carrots. How many carrots do you think I could eat in one night? Everywhere … carrots! Santa gets milk and cookies and even the occasional glass of malt Scotch (from the kids who know where dad keeps the liquor cupboard key). Or so Claus said, might’ve just wanted me to be jealous.

But all I get is bloody carrots. A nice corned beef sandwich with pickle, or scones and a glass of sherry wouldn’t go astray from time to time.

Do you think the Easter message is still relevant?
What? Of course it is you silly woman. Okay, so I’m a bit of pagan and Christian biz all mixed together. A sort of middle ages political correctness, I suppose. But ‘be nice to everyone and eat chocolate’ is always relevant.

Do you and Santa ever hang out together
Nope. Oil and water, we are. We might be doing the same sorts of things, but we travel in different circles. He’s pretty busy at the moment getting ready for next December.

Does anything get you as mad as a March hare
Hey, watch your mouth madam. Alright, you probably don’t know what that means! Mad as a March Hare just means the capering little bludger is horny. I laugh every time I hear it said by some uptight, stuffed shirt. (snigger).

Hey, the lunch bell has just gone. Gotta go.

Thanks for taking my call, Mr Bunny
Yeah, whatever. Ooooh, are they honeyed carrots.*

References
Easter Bunny
Eostre
Easter Bilby
Santa Claus
Mad as a March Hare

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Interview with the Easter Bunny by 


Owing to popular demand, here it is. Interview with the hippity, hoppity, cotton tailed man himself.

image by the inconquerable wit of David Stuart

Comments

  • roybarry
    roybarryover 5 years ago

    Tha t bloody bunny wants to learn a few lessons in humility-I mean fer fecks’ sake, the floppy earred wastrel only has to hop about, giving out foil wrapped tooth decay for one day a year and still it finds time to complain and bitch.

    I hope the little bastard gets myxy……….

  • Yeah, I felt a bit put out by this interview. He had some good stories to tell. I think it might have just been a bit of post traumatic stress. You know me, like to give the benefit of the doubt.

    – Anne van Alkemade

  • roybarry
    roybarryover 5 years ago

    Sod that- he’s arrogant and rude!!

    What is it with Rabbits? I mean Bugs Bunny is a bit of a feckin’ nightmare too and I still think that Brer Rabbit had mafia links.

  • No doubt about it RoyB. They’re not the cute cuddly creatures you’d think. I used to have a little black rabbit called Lucy. As much as I loved her, she had real attitude. I guess it was the 11 kids she had to raise as a single Mum (neighbour’s dog killed her husband Pippy, very sad).

    – Anne van Alkemade

  • Lawford
    Lawfordover 5 years ago

    a glass of sherry wouldn’t go astray from time to time.
    I’ve been pissed as a rabbit before. Know how he would like to feel.
    Good interview Anne.

  • Danny
    Dannyover 5 years ago

    Ha
    Well researched interview Anne
    As Roy pointed out, this should bring the Prima Donna down a peg or two.

  • Cathryn Swanson
    Cathryn Swansonover 5 years ago

    Another great interview Anne!

  • Anne van Alkemade
    Anne van Alkemadeover 5 years ago

    thank you :)
    I’m pondering now whether or not to take the Boogeyman’s calls. He’s jealous that the Tooth Fairy and Easter Bunny have had exposure. I’m sure he has something interesting to say.

  • KMorral
    KMorralalmost 5 years ago

    Fabulous….loving this series…lol, great sense of humour and some fascinating facts :-P

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