Due to an overwhelming number of requests (2), I was inspired to pull out all stops and track down the Easter Bunny to continue what is becoming my series of interviews with well-known and much beloved childhood identities. First in the series was Interview with a Tooth Fairy
Easter Bunny was on a well-earned holiday in the Whitsundays and perhaps not too pleased to be bothered. Perhaps I’m being over sensitive here; see what you think.
How did you get into the Easter Egg delivery business?
It’s just a job, lady. Someone’s got to do it. You really wanna know this stuff? Alright, alright. I got 10 minutes before the buffet is served. I guess I can give it a go.
I can dispel some myths, right?
Alright. Well, originally I had this gig with Eostre, a German wench, who liked to give out stuff to good kids during April each year. It was a sweet deal actually and I quite enjoyed it. She was a fertility goddess and she was looking for someone to do a bit of her leg work for her. She looked at my resume, and being that I’m a rabbit (and we breed like … um … rabbits), she decided I was the right man for the job; you know, fitting in with her fertility deal and all.
So, been doing it ever since.
Why chocolate eggs?
Well, why not? Okay! Originally, I used to hand out little rabbit effigies made of pastry and sugar. That was a couple of hundred years ago; chocolate wasn’t around much then and pastry was the higher order of the staple diet in Germany.
Some kids preferred a nest or Easter bonnet full of coloured eggs and that became more common. (Sigh) I still miss the bunny pastries a bit.
What has changed about Easter over the years
Nothing much really, except in western countries they are very liberal with the giving of eggs. Most kids get them these days whether they’re good or not. Makes my job harder, I must say, with supply and demand.
One thing I do like is you Aussies and that Easter Bilby. That’s a fairly new thing, 1970s I think! Okay, I know it’s because we rabbits are a pest in Australia (not our fault, I’d like to add), but that Bilby is a rather nice chappie. Hope he really makes a go of it.
What misconceptions do you think people have about the Easter Bunny?
That I like carrots. How many carrots do you think I could eat in one night? Everywhere … carrots! Santa gets milk and cookies and even the occasional glass of malt Scotch (from the kids who know where dad keeps the liquor cupboard key). Or so Claus said, might’ve just wanted me to be jealous.
But all I get is bloody carrots. A nice corned beef sandwich with pickle, or scones and a glass of sherry wouldn’t go astray from time to time.
Do you think the Easter message is still relevant?
What? Of course it is you silly woman. Okay, so I’m a bit of pagan and Christian biz all mixed together. A sort of middle ages political correctness, I suppose. But ‘be nice to everyone and eat chocolate’ is always relevant.
Do you and Santa ever hang out together
Nope. Oil and water, we are. We might be doing the same sorts of things, but we travel in different circles. He’s pretty busy at the moment getting ready for next December.
Does anything get you as mad as a March hare
Hey, watch your mouth madam. Alright, you probably don’t know what that means! Mad as a March Hare just means the capering little bludger is horny. I laugh every time I hear it said by some uptight, stuffed shirt. (snigger).
Hey, the lunch bell has just gone. Gotta go.
Thanks for taking my call, Mr Bunny
Yeah, whatever. Ooooh, are they honeyed carrots.*
Owing to popular demand, here it is. Interview with the hippity, hoppity, cotton tailed man himself.
image by the inconquerable wit of David Stuart