Anne van Alkemade

Personally epiphanous

I’m a great believer in the functions of art as both a private catharsis and as a form of personal exhibitionism. I’d say 90% of my own creativity is done with the intention of it being explicitly for public consumption.

For me, the efforts of my creativity have stages in the ‘life’ process. First, the idea, then the sometimes-tortuous creation, third is publishing, but it doesn’t truly come alive for me until it evokes a response that I witness.

In effect, the vast majority of the things I do are still waiting to come to life and that means a mountain of unrealised, or unfulfilled, artistic purpose.

Today I realised that this extends to my ‘day job’. My main weekly occupation, for which I get paid, is writing and taking photographs for a community-based newspaper (town rag). Because I work from home, I only get snippets of feedback and usually it is generic, even though often about my involvement in the newspaper.

Somehow, though, I had not comprehended that this feedback is a secondary thing which continued to leave me feeling unfulfilled.

So, what’s the epiphany?

After I dropped my daughter off at kinder this morning, I walked past an administration office in the same building and there, on the wall next to a desk, was a front page story and photograph I’d done a few weeks back.

The story was about the workers involved in shave for a cure, and the photo was a fun, wacky thing with the council officer holding large, alarming hedge shears hovering over the locks of two of her colleagues.

The feature was about ‘them’ but it was ‘me’ sticky taped to her wall. And although not quite the direct evocation that I seek in my work, it spoke volumes to me about the value of what I do. It was only one example, I suppose. Perhaps I’m clutching at straws. But I don’t think so. That fleeting observation this morning filled me with a huge sense of pride and reinforced, a little, the belief that perhaps what I am doing does matter to someone after all.

This answers the question hovering within me – quite often these days, I confess – about why I spend so much time on Redbubble. For such a long time, my need to give of myself through art (let’s call this creature Munna) has lived in an airless, dark place, shrivelling, shivering and alone. Occasionally I would let in a little light (when I had ‘time’), and that kept Munna alive, but little more. A few years back I even engaged Munna in a fairly concerted program of creating specifically for the Australian fiction competition circuit, with a few little crumbs of validation thrown my way. But the fast pace, money hungry, time absorption of modern life got in the way and she went back into that dark room again.

For me, Redbubble has been catalytic in releasing Munna and feeding her, helping her develop, learn new skills, and best of all, to meet like-minded and contrasting people, some of whom I count as friends even though we have not met in the flesh.

So, all I need to keep Munna happy and healthy is from time to time to see that when you look at or read my art it evokes some kind of response – a giggle or snicker, nod or head shake, or even throw me a crumb, that tasty little four letter word “nice”.

Happy Bubbling.

Erin Lyall, 2 months ago

I completely agree with you, RedBubble is fantastic for getting that gratification and feeling like what you’re doing is worth it. Good luck with your work, Anne. =)
Anne van Alkemade in reply to Erin Lyall’s comment, 2 months ago

Thanks Erin. Much better than ‘nice’. :o)
Chanel2, 2 months ago

If it wasn’t for the bubble, all my stuff would be sitting in a folder next to my bed. Redbubble is the most exciting thing for people who have a ‘munna’(love that word) living inside of them. Feed it and it will grow.
I left school at 15, home at 16 and was pregnant with my first child at 19. That’s why I get so unsure of myself when it comes to writing and especially commenting.
At first it frightened me when I was spending so much time here that’s why I left the first time. I couldn’t believe how upset I was, I went into work and saw my husband and I was a blubbering mess!
Hence, he bought me a laptop for Xmas and told me to rejoin…that’s why I love him, still I wonder if he regrets it slightly.haha.
I hope you don’t mind me sharing this with you here, but it’s a long version of I understand completely.
Darren Stones, 2 months ago

Interesting thoughts, Anne, and thanks for sharing them. Congratulations, too. I detect that’s given you a real boost.

A while ago, I came to the realisation that what I photograph could be seen as dull and boring. You know – not “artistic”. In recent times I’ve begun to believe more in myself and intend to become really good at what I like to photograph.

I’m not ashamed to say that I admire the photography of Australian photographer Steve Parish. He records what Australia is and that’s what I like.

Cheers, and believe in yourself – always.

Daz.
Anne van Alkemade in reply to Chanel2’s comment, 2 months ago

What a wonderful hubby!!! Thanks for sharing Cathryn. I don’t feel like the only bubblemaniac now. :o)
Anne van Alkemade in reply to Darren Stones’s comment, 2 months ago

Hey Darren. re Steve Parish, I’m insanely jealous. His photos are beautiful but he also has marketed himself SOOOO well.

Munna is very insecure. That’s why she’s so greedy for feedback. LOL.
Danny Minisrty..., 2 months ago

I had no confidence in any art form I attempted for about 10 years
then I joined the Bubble… well you’ve seen the result.

and most importantly …. wouldn’t have met wonderful people like you guys.
I understand a 100% where you’re coming from.
Darren Stones, 2 months ago

Yep, marketing is a bitch, Anne. He/she who markets best wins. Also, nothing happened overnight for Parish. Took him 20+ years to be an overnight success. :)
deliriousgirl, 2 months ago

What a beautifully written expression that hits home on so many levels!!!!!
Anne van Alkemade in reply to Danny Minisrty of bad spelling’s comment, 2 months ago

Thanks Shower Scene! By the way, do you know about EasyOff Bam. It’s pretty good, but don’t know how it goes with blood stains.
JenniferB, 2 months ago

Very well said Anne.

I too had a moment of epiphany, (lol, I’m not sure if that even makes sense in context, but I love the sound and meaning of the word epiphany, as it stands alone). I will be publishing my own version of my ‘epiphenomena’ (?), moment of self-realization and clarity, some time before tomorrow. When I do, you will see how closely it relates to your own, only of course, I can’t articulate myself as well as you can, as I don’t have enough damned words in my head to define things adequately! Hence my using the expletive ‘fuck’ far to regularly. ;~~) Redbubble certainly is an environment of growth… in more ways than one… ;~~) but in saying that, the only thing that should really be growing in strength and abundance, is the Art and written word… Unfortunately, in my case at least, that hasn’t been the case lately. Ah well… you shall see what I mean… :-)
Anne van Alkemade in reply to Darren Stones’s comment, 2 months ago

Now that’s a statement in self-belief!!! I always have hovering in the back of my mind that Frederick Forsyth had 15 knock backs for Day of the Jackyl before it was finally published. What a story!
Anne van Alkemade in reply to deliriousgirl’s comment, 2 months ago

Thank you kindly DG. It is really heartening to see how many bubblers have identified with this piece.
Anne van Alkemade in reply to JenniferB’s comment, 2 months ago

Thank you Jennifer. Eloquence doesn’t come from word power, I think it comes from the heart. I’ll be standing by!!! Yes, I like the word epiphany too, it feels nice on the lips if you say it slowly.
SoxyFleming, 2 months ago

so Anne, you and me and lots of other creative people out there are insecure, needing to get their stuff out and have people comment. And here we can and do do it! and that’s great!
Anne van Alkemade in reply to SoxyFleming’s comment, 2 months ago

It’s been so heartening to see who and how they have responded to my piece, Soxy. It’s become an affirmation piece for me as a result.
Cathie Tranent, 2 months ago

Being creative involves an element of risk. You take something that you have created and say “hey, look at this!!” – and open yourself up to criticism, (not critique mind), ridicule and perhaps even worse, apathy.

So lets all feed each other’s Munnas … and maybe then we’ll be able to overcome our own worse critics …. (ourselves!!)
bellmusker, 2 months ago

Beautifully said, Anne – as always! No matter how often artists exclaim “I don’t care what anyone thinks of my work” we know it’s all bullshit and bluster. We need feedback and acknowledgement, and for many of us, Red Bubble has been a source of much support and inspiration to further test the creative waters. I know that your comments on my writing, both online and in person, carry a lot of importance for me Anne, and I appreciate them immensely. And how fabulous was your epiphany – you should be proud to see your work on someone’s wall! I’m looking forward to hearing more about Munna also…..